


After the Anger, What Will You Do With Your Love?

by lemon_amethyst



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Childhood Friends, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-26 17:16:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 52,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6248632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemon_amethyst/pseuds/lemon_amethyst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark was in love with his best friend Jinyoung, with whom he fought just right before high school graduation. He departs for the US to university.</p>
<p>After several years, while staying at his parents' house, he gets an invitation to Jinyoung's wedding.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*cross-posted from my aff account*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Flashback

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic and I'm sorry in the advance, because English is not my first language...  
> I hope you'll like it!

 

 

   "Mark, come here already!" Marks mom yelled from the hallway of their house. She was in a hurry, because today was the day Mark had to buy tuxedo for a prom which was a week away. Mark wasn't so happy about that prom-thingy and didn't really want to go, if he had to be honest. But his best friend Jinyoung's going to be there, so it kind of reminded him that it's a good thing to go. Even though he knew that Jinyoung will be with his girlfriend Seohyun, he still was happy that he'll get to spend some time with his best friend. They rarely meet after school now, Jinyoung is really busy. He was a really good student and he often stays in the library to give private lessons to some of his friends, most often to Im Jaebum. Mark didn't have problems with any subject, so he doesn't participate in them - the boy just goes home, not wanting to disturb. Sometimes, when there weren't any students to give lessons to, Jinyoung was sitting in the school library with his girlfriend. Mark felt awkward to be with them, so most of the time he just wanted to go home, but his friend wanted him to stay. So he stayed. Watching Jinyoung is all lovey-dovey with Seohyun, watching them bicker while he did his homework quietly. He hated that. But he wanted to spend some time with his best friend, so he couldn't blame Jinyoung. Soon Mark started to feel that Jinyoung is a bit distant to him, sometimes he felt that he is avoiding him. He began to not tell Mark where he spends his time after school. It's not like he was supposed to say everything, right? He wondered.

   "Mom, I told you, it's not a big deal, can we buy it in a store around the corner?" Mark said, tying a shoelace of his bright red converses. He wore black skinny jeans with a black t-shirt and plaid shirt tied around his hips. It was a hot day and Mark didn't really want to go shopping in such a weather. But his mom was stubborn.

   "God, Mark, stop complaining and hurry up. My son has to look stunning at his prom. Anyways, what dress color will Jiae have?" She suddenly asked, and Mark snorted. Jiae is the girl who agreed to come to the prom with him. Obviously Mark didn't ask her; Jinyoung did and was really proud of himself about it. Mark wanted to come alone, but his best friend couldn't understand it. Mark wasn't angry, nor was happy. In his opinion Jiae was pretty and nice, but he was bad at talking with new people, not to mention dancing with people.  
  
   "Mom, how I'm supposed to know? I don't really care~" he said with a slightly mischievous smile, getting a slight hit on the back of the head from his mother. He gasped dramatically and laughed. "No hitting mom, I'm already 18!"  
  
   "Mark you're getting on my nerves today. You have to know what color her dress will be, so that you can match!" So Mark had asked Jiae in a message, because his mom wouldn't let him live. The girl replied almost immediately with a sweet: _"Mark-oppa! My dress will be dark blue~ There will be a lot of sparkles! :) Will you buy a matching bow-tie, oppa?"_. But Mark only answered: _"Necktie actually"_. He didn't really know how to flirt and talking with girls. He wasn't even sure if he's straight. Maybe he had a teeny-weeny crush on some boy? A boy named Jinyoung, who was his long-time friend. Oh, how he hated to admit that.

 

 

 

   The next day he was supposed to meet with Jinyoung at school field after classes. They were supposed to go home together, since they lived in the same neighborhood. Jinyoung for the most part go home with his girlfriend, but she was absent from school that day so Mark waited for him. He was excited, because his friend will be alone for once and they would talk about everything. It will be just like at the beginning of the year when Jinyoung was still single. Mark was sitting on the bench in front of school field when he felt a hand on his head, ruffling his brown hair. He immediately smiled and a warm sensation spreaded in his chest. He liked Jinyoung a little too much - he stated in his mind. Jinyoung also smiled widely at him, showing a cute eye smile with a lot of wrinkles on his face. Mark loved his smiles.  
  
   "Hyung" Jinyoung spoke; Mark was a bit older than him, that's why he calls him hyung, even though they were in the same class. "Let's go" Jinyoung said, with his hand still on Marks head. Mark felt his cheeks reddening at the younger's gesture. He mumbled an "ok" and when he stood up, the hand was gone.  
  
  
    It was getting dark and a bit chilly when they're walking home. The days were hot, but when evening came, it got chilly. The wind made the leaves on the trees dancing extracting a quiet rustle. Mark felt a little cold, suddenly regretting that he wasn't wearing his favorite hoodie. He started to rub his hands against each other, from time to time looking at Jinyoung. The other was slowly walking with eyes fixed on something far away. He seemed troubled by something. They didn't talk a lot, but it was normal. There was always a comfortable silence between them, but tonight it wasn't the same. Jinyoung looked like he wanted to say something, but hesitated.  
  
   "What's wrong?" Mark stopped suddenly, grabbing Jinyoung's forearm lightly. The younger looked a bit taken aback, but after a second he composed himself.  
  
   "Nothing important..." He stated, also stopping his pace. "I just... I was wondering if you are really going to the university with me. Are you sure you want to be a teacher?" Jinyoung asked with eyes piercing Marks. To be honest, Mark hated this kind of talk. His parents talked with him about it too many times for his liking. They wanted him to go to University in USA. Mark often argued with his family about it. It was decided, Mark was going to the University in Korea. He is going to be a teacher. Just like Jinyoung. Mark didn't really knew what he wanted to do, so at least he can try to be a teacher, right? He thought.  
  
   "I'm not sure, but it seems to be easy. Especially in high school. The teachers are lazy and they do absolutely nothing!" Mark tried to light up a tense atmosphere a little. But Jinyoung's face was like a stone.  
  
  "Mark, are you kidding me? You're still not sure, you say?" The younger asked curtly with slightly louder voice, breaking the intimate atmosphere between them. Mark didn't expect this. Why is Jinyoung like this suddenly? "I hope you're not going there only because I'm going." His tone has been cold just like the wind, which dispelling his dark brown hair. Mark was stunned and felt embarrassed for a moment, trying to find some excuse, that it's not about him at all and stuff. But... It was about Jinyoung. Mark didn't have any close friends beside him and he really didn't want to separate with his best friend. When they were kids, they used to say: " _We'll be always together, we will live next to each other, we will work together in the future!"_ , Mark still thought it would be like that. He knew it was stupid. But Mark really wanted to be with Jinyoung forever.  
  
   "I mean, I'm still not sure where to go, so I'll go with you until I figure it out. I can't miss the year." Mark said very quietly, just like he was scared that Jinyoung will shout at him. The boy looked more and more angry as the seconds passed "Why do you care so much Jinyoung? Can't we go together?" the elder asked.  
  
   "Hyung, I know you like different things! I know you don't want to be a teacher! You're too shy and quiet!" That could be right. Jinyoung knew him too well. "Why are you always like that?! Going everywhere I'm going, just like a shadow! And even if you go, you won't say anything! Hyung, I'm tired! I'm tired of always taking care of you! Why won't you find some other friends?! I won't be with you forever!" Jinyoung was really angry. His voice loud and clear, telling everything Mark didn't want to hear from him in his worst nightmares; Jinyoung leaving him and telling him that he hates him. It was the reality. Jinyoung was really saying those things. Mark didn't know what to say. He stood stunned for a moment, looking at his best friend and studied his face. Does he really mean that? "I've always had to make sure you go with me everywhere, so that I won't feel remorseful because of you! I couldn't even think about you sitting at home, while I was having fun with others! Ah! It's annoying!" The younger threw his arms in the air and turned his back to him. Mark lowered his eyes, because he felt overflowing tears in his eyes. He couldn't burst into tears in front of Jinyoung. He tried hard to not let that happen. Mark didn't know that Jinyoung felt this way towards him. When their friendship changed into one-sided friendship? Mark had no idea the younger felt pressure to taking care of him or whatever.  
  
   "Who told you to take care of me?" Mark started, his voice a bit louder this time, though the tears were evident in his voice even if he tried so hard to hide them. Jinyoung looked at Mark and his expression slightly change, regret fell on his features. "Who asked you to bring me everywhere you went? Did I ask you to do all that?" Mark tried to be as calm as he could, but when the tears fell from his eyes he couldn't control anything anymore. There was no one in the street and any car hadn't passed by them. Dusk was falling rapidly and streetlights shone. "Why didn't you tell me earlier that I'm annoying you?" He wanted answers. His heart clenched at the thought of Jinyoungs friendship being a lie. His trust in Jinyoung drastically went down. And it was lowering every second he looked at his friend. Mark is always dedicated in everything he does and with relationships too. Jinyoung was precious to him, that's why he felt betrayed. Mark fully understood what the younger wanted. The boy felt confidence rise in him, he felt motivated to befriend someone fast as possible, to show Jinyoung that he's not that shy as he thinks and that the younger isn't everything to him.. But the truth was... Jinyoung was his everything. He found out that he loved him about 3 years ago. He accepted this feeling, even though he never planned to tell his best friend about it. Jinyoung had no idea how badly he hurt Mark. There was silence between them. The younger was staring at Mark with eyes wide open, he looked astonished at Marks behavior. The eldest looked at him expectantly, he wanted answers at his questions. But Jinyoung just stood there saying nothing. So it's the end, huh? Mark thought, and snorted bitterly. He turned on his heel and went home. Jinyoung didn't call after him, he didn't rush to him, he didn't hug him just like he did when Mark was sad. It was funny. Their friendship was really over.  
  
   When Mark came home, he has immediately gone to sleep. He didn't even say anything to his parents when they asked what's wrong. He couldn't talk about it without crying out loud. Mark didn't want to cry. The boy just wanted to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow only to notice that the events of yesterday evening was only a nightmare. But in reality, when Mark woke up the next day, he saw an unread message on his phone. _"I'm sorry" f_ rom Jinyoung. He felt his chest hurt and wanted to reply something he always would: _"That's okay, it's my fault"_. But a moment later he reminded himself what really happened and Jinyoung probably messaged him because he felt... Responsible of him. Mark felt lonely and sad... but also very angry at the same time. He deleted Jinyoung's message along with his phone number. He wanted to throw his phone into the trash can, but he reminded himself that he had to write a message to Jiae. _"Sorry, I can't go to the prom. I'm sorry"_. Last night he decided. He'll fly to the states to his grandfather. He will do what his parents want him to - he'll go to the university in USA. The boy looked at his phone for a while. It'll be better if I just throw this away - Mark thought and threw the phone into the trash can. This time, without regrets.  
  
   Mark's parents were really shocked when their son told them that he wants to go to the USA to study. They were happy and proud of his son for making the best decision of his life, but they were also a little curious of what happened to make him change his mind. "I just want to be independent, " he answered them. _"And what about the prom?"_ his mom asked. _"It's not a big deal, anyways. I didn't want to go in the first place"_.  
  
 

   A week later he was already in the USA at his grandfather's house.

 

 


	2. Back In The Neighborhood

About 8 years later  
 

         Mark lived in a center of Seoul, but he came to his family house in the suburbs of Seoul for his short vacation - that's what he said to his parents. They were really shocked, because Mark didn't visit them often and when he did, he stayed only for a 2-3 days. The truth was... He gave a resignation letter to his boss a few days earlier. Mark wasn't happy with his job and wanted to change his life. He wanted to do something that he actually enjoys; he didn't know what that was yet. He was already 27 years old. Mark thought that he shouldn't tell his parents about him abandon his 'dream job' yet. They were really proud of him. The company where he worked at was prestigious, even though Mark was only a marketing assistant he earned a lot of money. It was really a dynamic and stressful job, though. He worked there for a few years, yet he doesn't really made any good friends in the company. He had only one good friend - his ex-boyfriend Jackson.   
  
         When Mark stomped in his parents house's hallway and took off his covered in snow beanie, his mom almost threw him out the door, seeing his new blonde hairstyle. Mark gave her a tight hug and she laughed. She missed him, so she couldn't stay mad for too long. When Mark started to unpack his things in his room, his parents helped him a bit, while talking. For a short period of time he learned so many things like he was here already for a month. His mother updated him on everything what happened in their neighborhood. Many things about neighbors, especially about one specific family living across the street - _Park Jinyoung's family_. His ex-best friend family. When Mark visited his parents before he didn't bump into him even once for the past few years. He only met Jinyoung's mother a few times. When he was a kid, she treated him like a second son and he really appreciated that. Reportedly Jinyoung's mother was living alone now because his husband died two years ago. _That was why Jinyoung visits his mother really often_ \- Mark's mom told him. He felt a pang in his heart when he heard about the death of Mr Park. He knew his ex-best friend was really close to him. _He wondered if Jinyoung's okay_...   
  
        "Ah! I almost forgot! Jinyoung was here on Tuesday and wanted me to give this to you, since he doesn't know where you live." Mrs Tuan said, hurriedly reaching for something off the kitchen shelf while preparing a warm meal for his son. Mark followed her into the kitchen calmly, but on the inside he was anxious. It was something to him. _From Jinyoung_. It has to be something important. Mark's mother looked really excited while shoving him a white envelope in his hands clumsily. "Guess what! Jinyoung's getting married!" She added. Hearing that, Mark's heart clenched as he holds the white envelope with a beautifully written wedding invitation. Marks mother was delighted that Jinyoung is going to get married. She also scolded her son a bit, telling him that he should get married too. Mark only rolled his eyes, trying to compose himself. Even after all those years, his feelings to the other didn't change. _"...Jinyoung-ah"_ he sighed as memories of their friendship flooded his mind. The walls of his parents' house seemed to choke him suddenly. He needed fresh air.  
  
  
  
       Not caring about the weather, Mark was slowly walking around the park nearby watching as the snowflakes cover everything around him. It was snowing for a while now and public services didn't seem to care - everything was covered in snow, even sidewalks and streets. There wasn't a place where you could lay your feet on the solid ground. It was already March and Mark wondered, why it's still so cold outside? He couldn't wait for spring to come. Well, maybe not anymore, since he found out that in May there will be a very unexpected event. Looking from time to time at Jinyoung's wedding invitation, Mark's heart gave up on him. His heartbeat was so fast, just like he ran a mile just a while ago. _"Ms. Kang Sora and Mr. Park Jinyoung request the honor of your presence at their marriage, Saturday, 23th of May..."_ Mark read the card again in his mind and watched as snowflakes falling on it, lazily dissolving the ink. His best friend's wedding... Or more like ex-best friend's wedding. He wondered why jinyoung had invited him anyways. They haven't been in contact for about 8 years. Mark wasn't sure if he wanted to come at the wedding.  
  
      "Mark Tuan?" Mark's eyes followed a deep man's voice, while hastily putting the invitation into his coat pocket. The voice was familiar, but under a black cap and scarf wrapped up the person's nose, he couldn't recognize the man. The thick-rimmed glasses didn't help either. "That's you! Waaaah, you really haven't changed at all!" The stranger continued and Mark remembered the voice suddenly.  
  
      "Jae.. Bum?" Mark voice was quiet and unsure. But hearing that, the stranger lowered his scarf revealing a familiar smile.  
  
      "Yeah! I haven't seen you for ages, man! What are you up to? How are you?" Mark doesn't remember Jaebum being so outgoing and cheerful. They know each other from school, Jaebum was a friend of Jinyoung who was tutoring him often too. Mark wasn't with him that close, but they sometimes meet and talk. Jaebum was asking him a lot of questions, where he lives, where he works. Everything that Mark doesn't want to talk about. But he tried to be nice and calmly answered them. Of course he didn't say that he was unemployed - it doesn't sound good. Mark wanted to look like he has life in his hands and he knows what he's doing. Especially when Jaebum told him he owns a bar. "You should visit sometime while you're here! It's not that far. Actually, I'm heading there now, mind to go with me?" Jaebum suddenly asked. But Mark, being Mark, even when he had nothing to do, he refused.  
  
      "Sorry, I have a few things to do, but maybe some other time?" He said with a small smile and Jaebum didn't pry on the matter. He gave Mark directions to his bar and they separated. Going home, Mark wondered if Jaebum still was friends with Jinyoung. Y _ou're dumb, why do you want to know anyway?_ He scolded himself in his mind, sighed and slowly headed home.  
  
  


       On the next day Mark was really bored at home. He called Jackson a few times, but the other scolded him, saying: _"Yah, not everyone is unemployed okay?! I have a meeting in a 5! Go somewhere, live!"_. He looked out the window. The sun was shining brightly reflecting on white snow. Looking at his backyard, he suddenly remembered the old times - him playing with Jinyoung in the white fluff while they were 10 or so. Even though it was a long time ago and things changed, being here and seeing familiar places which brings happy memories seems like it was yesterday. But their relationship is broken now. It pained Mark to no end, but it was reality. Jinyoung betrayed him and Mark shouldn't reflect too much about the past now.  
  
      "Oh, so my precious son is awake already? Aigoooo!" He heard his father's voice and his laugh.  
  
      "Dad, it's almost 3 pm, how can I sleep?" Mark chuckled.  
  
      "Well, my son, you're on your holidays now, you need to rest as much as you can, to get back to work full of energy." He smiled proudly.  
  
      "I.. I know, but sleeping too much can be bad too. I don't want to fall into a coma" he joked, quickly changing the subject. His parent's can't find out about his job. He planned to tell them, but not now. "Isn't it time for lunch already?"  
  
      "Your mother is preparing it right now. I'm really regretful that I can't eat with you, but you know how it is. Someone has to work and make money, ha-ha!" His father said, saying goodbye and headed outside. Mark sighed, because really, C _an he talk about something else than work?_ he wondered.  
  
  
    Mark didn't realize he was hungry until he smelled all the delicious food his mother prepared. So he hurriedly took his place at the table.  
  
      "Waaah, smells delicious!" Mark complimented, while waving around with chopsticks and trying a little of everything on the table. Until the time when his mother hit him in the hands and scolded him.  
  
      "Yah! Are you a kid? Don't act like you haven't eaten in years!"  
  
      "Mom, but I didn't eat your foods for years! So it's no difference!" Mark laughed, _oh how he missed home made food_. While he was living alone, he hasn't really prepared anything. Unless it was ramyeon.  
  
      "Ah, good for nothing, my son, aigoooo!" She sighed and put a few pieces of beef into his bowl. Mark smiled wide and she did too. "So, you met with Jinyoung yesterday?" Marks mother asked and he almost choke on the meat he was chewing.  
  
      "No, why do you ask?" He tried to calm himself and then his mom patted him lightly on his back, looking rather concerned.   
  
      "Well, I thought you did, you were gone for a while after I gave you the envelope... Mrs Park was here yesterday and she said Jinyoung visited her, so I was sure you two met.." she explained eating her meal calmly. Mark felt his heart sank a bit. R _ight, the wedding..._ he remembered. And lunch wasn't that important suddenly. "I thought you two already made up. You two were best friends.. How can you not talk with each other for so long?" She continued, and Mark started to feel anger building up in his stomach. _How can she ask that, when she doesn't know what happened!?_ he wanted to say, but he decided to stay silent instead. He didn't want to go back to this unfortunate time again, when his best friend treated him like trash. "Mark, I really don't know what happened between you two, I only know that it was Jinyoung's fault that you left for USA... And I know that he regrets whatever he did. So you two should reconcile. Why would you waste such a friendship? Especially since you don't have friends. Apart from Jackson." Mark listened carefully and understand nothing of it. _What she's even talking about?_ Besides, she also doesn't know that Jackson is his ex boyfriend. Mark's parents don't know his son is gay.  
  
      "Mom, I don't understand.. How do you know that it's Jinyoung's fault?" Mark was puzzled.  
  
      "When you left for the USA, he came often and asked about you. It was weird because he could just call you, right? So one time when he came here, I actually was a bit busy at that time, he asked about you again, so I asked him "why won't you just ask him?" and... Well. He began to cry and told me he was rude to you and you probably hate him" Mark couldn't believe his ears. _What?_   _Was it a fairy tale?_   "I asked why? And he simply told me that he wanted your happiness. I couldn't blame him, because of it you have a decent education."


	3. At The Bar

 

    It was evening a few hours later and Mark found himself in front of Jaebum's bar. It was located in a small building, sandwiched between two small convenience stores. The bar wasn't big, but looked quite friendly and cozy from the outside. Mark walked to the door and grabbed the door handle lightly. He didn't even know why he came here in the first place. _Or he actually knows why?_ Deep in his heart, he hoped Jinyoung will be there. _There's a possibility, right?_ Mark pushed the wooden doors open and entered inside. The lights were dim and everything smelled like wood. The music was fairly calm for a bar. Mark liked it. The place, fortunately didn't remind him of a bar where he worked at when he was studying in the USA. Although he knew the language, it was hell for introverted people like him. There were a bunch of people, drunk people at that. And drug dealers were in every corner. So Jaebums bar was perfect to hang out with friends. It was only a first impression of this bar, though.

    The place was quite small; there were a few dark wooden tables with wooden chairs upholstered in red leather and in front of Mark was a bar counter with a bartender behind it. He was sure it wasn't Jaebum; the person was someone younger. In the bar there were only a couple of people so it made Mark more comfortable to actually approach the bar and order something to drink and enjoy the evening instead of running away.

        "Mark! You came~!" He heard Jaebum's loud voice suddenly, breaking through peaceful music. The man appeared from behind the bar and was currently arranged bottles of various alcoholic beverages on the shelves. Mark smiled slightly, took off his beanie and coat and approached the bar. Jaebum waved to him and Mark sat on the bar stool. "I wasn't really expecting you to come, but waaaah! You've changed, man! And look at you, you're blond!" He said excitedly and ruffled Marks hair for a brief second. 

        "What? Last time you said I haven't changed at all" Mark chuckled and tried to fix his hairstyle by pattting on it lightly.

        "I take back my words!" Jaebum laughed. Mark was shocked at his behavior. When Jaebum was younger, he was a calm and reserved kid. Even though he didn't study too well (Jinyoung tutored him a lot), he worked hard. Now he seems happy with what he's doing for a living. Mark was envious of him. "Ah, this is Youngjae, he works here part time. Youngjae, this is Mark-hyung!" Jaebum gestured to the black haired boy beside him, behind the bar. He looked a bit lost.  

        "Hello~" Youngjae said shyly and when Mark politely greeted him back, the boy immediately gone back to work. Mark smiled at the hardworking teen. Mark was like that too, a few years ago, working in a bar in USA.

        "Lookie, lookie~ You're here early!" Jaebum yelled in the direction of the front doors and looked behind Mark. _Who is it?_ Mark froze and his body started to sweat like crazy. He had hoped that's not Jinyoung because he wasn't ready to meet him yet... _On the other hand, why was he here again?_ He had mixed feelings about it all. He reluctantly turned around and saw a young, tall boy, who wasn't Jinyoung and in a second he turned back to his position sighing quietly. 

       "Yeah, we're here" Mark heart stopped beating and he couldn't breathe. It was Jinyoung's voice. He could recognize this mellow deep voice everywhere. He even didn't know how much he missed listening to it. 

      "Oh, you're here too Jinyoung? I didn't see you behind this giant tree in front of you, take a seat" Jaebum chuckled and when Mark still tried to compose himself and steady his breathing, he added "Mark's here too!"

      "Oh, hello! I'm Yugyeom" the tall boy appeared before him, but Mark was too nervous to say anything "Waah, you're handsome.. Hyung? Can I call you hyung?" The boy continued, but Mark hadn't really heard him. His eyes were on Jinyoung now and the other was looking at him too. Jinyoung seemed a bit taken aback for a second, but then smiled. The wrinkles on his face caused by his smile were still there. 

      "Hello Mark-hyung, long time no see..." His former best friend said and all Mark could answer was simple _"Yea"_. Mark wasn't prepared to meet him yet, he told himself. He regretted coming here already, because he could get a heart attack at any time if his heart will keep on act like it does now.

    The boys took a seat at the bar beside Mark and ordered a beer. Jaebum told Mark that Jinyoung's a teacher in their old high school. Mark was amazed. Jinyoung always wanted to be a teacher. More precisely - a teacher at their high school. And he accomplished his dreams. Just like that. He saw Jinyoung's shy smile when he heard Jaebum praising him, how the kids thinks he's cool and likable. Mark found himself smiling too, because, yes, that was what he always wanted for his friend back then.

    The Yugyeom guy asked Mark a lot of questions, to which he couldn't keep up to respond, because the new ones appeared one after another. The boy was really interested in living in the USA. Mark felt pressure and from time to time answered a few of his questions. But most of the time he just nodded his head and smiled, to show the younger that he's listening what the other was saying. It was pure politeness, because he wasn't listening anymore at all. From the corner of his eyes, he watched as Jinyoung talked with Jaebum and some other guy who came to order something. He took a gulp of his beer and looked at Mark too. Mark immediately turned his eyes at his beer bottle. It was empty, by the way.

    "Jaebum, can I... One more?" Mark suddenly began to stutter, although he wasn't drunk. His nervousness was eating him alive. The atmosphere was still very awkward between him and Jinyoung and he didn't think he can handle it any longer. So he decided to get drunk. Jaebum smiled and gave him another one straight away.

    "You don't even like beer if I remember correctly" suddenly Jinyoung sat at Yugyeom's place. Mark didn't even notice that Yougyeom's gone. The whole bar started to live, there were more people now, the music changed to the more rockish style. He looked at Jinyoung and all of a sudden memories of their last meeting appeared before Marks eyes. _How can act like nothing happened?_ Even though in Mark's stomach butterflies were dancing just like the people on the dance floor, the anger tried to replace them. Mark stared at Jinyoung for a brief second, saying nothing. The younger's smile fell and Mark heard he sighed. "Did you get my invitation?" He asked.

    "Yeah, my mother gave it to me. Congratulations, by the way." Mark tried to sound relaxed, but his eyes still wandered everywhere but Jinyoung. He was too close for Mark's liking. _Or maybe his personal space expanded too much in the past few years?_  
  
    "Are you seeing someone? You can come with accompanying person, you know" Jinyoung asked and Mark wanted to say that he doesn't plan to go to his wedding... But he couldn't say that he's single. It will sound really lonely.

    "Yes, I'm seeing someone... But I don't think I can come with this person." Mark tried to somehow wriggle out from attending the wedding and he decided to lie. Jinyoung looked at him with a puzzled expression. "I'm gay, actually." Mark added nonchalantly. Jinyoung's eyes widened comically, he seemed to be in shock, but in his eyes flashed also something else for a brief second, something like sadness.

    "That's okay, it doesn't matter" Jinyoung smiled warmly and Mark knew he missed his smile too. Mark stared at his lips for a moment, then panicked and tried to think of another excuse to say.

    "From what I know, Korea isn't so welcoming as USA for things like that, so I think-" 

    "Korea isn't welcoming for what?" Jaebum and Yugyeom suddenly appeared and cut him off. Mark didn't want to reveal everything on the first meeting, but trying to be cool about it and showing Jinyoung that he moved on he had to say it.

    "For gays." Mark said, sipping on his beer. Jaebum didn't show any emotion at the revelation, only nodded his head with understanding. Yugyeom was a totally different case.

    "Hyung! Are you gay?! Really?! I knew that! You are very handsome, so you have to be gay, I knew it!" Yugyeom started to babble, so Jaebum grabbed the younger on the arm and with a serious look, said:

    "Yah, maknae, there are empty glasses on the tables, what are you doing here? Pick them up and wash them!" Yugyeom giggled and Jaebum shook his head at the younger's behavior, leading him deep into the the bar. Yugyeom was a part time worker in this place too, just like Youngjae.

    "I really don't care what others think, Hyung. You'll be my guest, so it doesn't matter if you're gay or not." Jinyoung said with sincerity and Mark wanted to cry. He called him hyung... He hated him so much, yet he still felt those stupid butterflies in his stomach every time the younger stared at him with a smile on his face. Mark wanted to scream that he won't attend his wedding, because _he doesn't want to see Jinyoung getting married to a person that wasn't him_. A person that was a woman. He doesn't want jealousy to eat him alive. Mark missed a chance to say anything, because Jinyoung's phone rang and he excused himself politely.

  
    Mark decided to go home a while later, throwing farewells to Jaebum and the others. He felt really tired and had enough of today's events. _Why did he even come to the bar in the first place?_ He subconsciously knew that he'll meet Jinyoung, yet he came, letting dormant emotions in relation to Jinyoung woke up and mess with his head and heart again. He shouldn't meet him, because he feels like emotions will choke him. Anger, distrust and also longing and love. All this directed at Jinyoung.

   The boy walked slowly through the streets of Seoul, sighing. The snow has melted a bit and it wasn't snowing anymore. Mark was almost on his parent's house doorstep when he saw Jinyoung's family home across the street. His thoughts immediately came to Jinyoung again. Mark thought that the younger haven't changed at all. He still was beautiful to him, only now he emitted a mature vibe and confidence, but at the same time he was warm and friendly like a few years ago. His hair was now a bit longer and nicely styled, but still dark brown like chocolate. Their meeting was very abrupt, that Mark forgot to ask Jinyoung why did he keep coming to his house when Mark was in the USA. Maybe he just felt bad and apologetic towards Mark or maybe he was trying to calm his guilty conscience to live his life happily. Mark had no idea what it was and he definitely wanted to find out.


	4. New Job

   "You have to help me Jackson." Mark called his best friend a day after meeting with Jinyoung and his friends at Jaebum's bar. He panicked a bit because he told Jinyoung that he has a boyfriend when in reality he hasn't dated in the past few years. His last relationship was with Jackson when they still lived in the USA. The two met at university. They had a few classes with each other, so they saw each other quite frequently. Jackson was the one who first approached Mark. He befriended him very quickly, even though Mark wasn't too outgoing. They often met at the library in the university, because all what Mark wanted to do was to study. Jackson had a hard time to get him to go out with him to the club or the concert or whatever. Mark was also working part time at a bar so Jackson met him there for the most part. One evening, when exams were approaching, the boys were stressed and Jackson offered to go out and relieve tension. Mark agreed surprisingly. They met up that evening, got drunk and partied all night long. They also slept with each other for the first time that night. The boys were lovers, but no _"I love you's"_ were said. Their relationship as boyfriends didn't last long though, only a month. They weren't comfortable with each other in the terms of being lovers. Jackson and Mark both decided that they prefer to be just friends. And they are till now.

    "Why are you so stupid? Do you think I have time for your games?" Jackson replied when Mark told him about yesterday evening and about wedding on which he supposedly has to come with Jackson as his boyfriend. Jackson obviously wasn't happy about it. Mark felt awkward, because he was too nervous a day before when he was talking with Jinyoung to think that Jackson could disagree because of his work. He always was very busy with his work at a publishing company in Seoul. He was the son of a CEO of this company. Even though everyone knew he got the job because of his father, he was smart and he knew that he was right for this job.  
      
    "I'm sorry I involved you in this… but I couldn't think about anything else..." Mark said with guilt in his voice, scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably. _What if his friend won't agree?_ Jackson sighed excessively and by that, Mark knew already his best friend wasn't mad at him. 

    "Why wouldn't you just say the truth? It's not like you're still friends or anything." Jackson said simply.  
      
    "I didn't want to give him that satisfaction that… you know... That I'm single and stuff." Mark answered quietly playing with the hem of his shirt. He was a person full of pride and it was very hard for him to admit his flaws. And he couldn't admit it to Jinyoung, the person who betrayed him long time ago.  
      
    "Ah, I see. Why are you going there in the first place? You still want to be this guy's friend. Right?" Jackson knew about Mark's feelings for Jinyoung. He was the only person who knew. He knew even before they started dating. Mark sat on his bed and closed his eyes. He'll go to this stupid wedding to admit to himself that he doesn't care about Jinyoung anymore. Even though his body acting differently when he's around.  
      
    "No.. I just want to show him that I've moved on that I have a life too.. That I'm different now."

    "But you're not really different, Mark. You're still living in the past. You still love him. You said that yourself, when we broke up." Jackson said bluntly and the older tried to defend himself.  
      
    "Oh, stop! I was drunk."  
      
    "And that's when you're telling the truth and not hiding it inside." Jackson knew Mark very well and even if Mark always had difficulty with communicating with new people he and Jackson became friends almost immediately. Jackson was likeable. He could trust him.  
      
    "Okay, so will you help me or not?" Mark started to get annoyed at Jackson. He didn't like the sound of _"You still love him"_ , because he didn't want to have any feeling for Jinyoung anymore.  
      
    "Hmm, I don't know. Maybe…? I would like to meet that Jinyoung guy though. Why is he so special anyway?" The younger teased and Mark heard a smile in his voice. He felt relieved that his best friend is willing to help him. Mark decided to not to answer his question and instead he said:  
      
    "Okay. Thanks for helping me out. I really appreciate that."  
      
    "No problem. Or is it a problem? Hahaha, just kidding. I'm going to visit you next week. Prepare for our performance, ha-ha!" Jackson said excitedly and ended the call. Mark was nervous. _Will everyone believe that they're dating?_

 

  
    It's been a week since Mark lived with his parents after moving out from his apartment in the center of Seoul. He's here for a vacation - it's what his parents think about his sudden comeback. He began to search for a new job and when he'll find something good he'll tell them the truth. But now he can't and he felt a bit nervous about it. His parents, especially his father,  always praised him how proud they are of him for getting a really good job in prestigious company. Now he has to find something better, _what he'll truly enjoy_ -he decided.  
  
    Being at the family house brings Mark's memories back. Being at home makes him also really bored. He tried everything in the house to get himself busy; watching movies, surfing the internet and reading books which his parents had in their library (though he didn't read any of them - he wasn't interested in titles that were available). He also tried to help his mother with the dishes or cleaning the house.   
      
    "Mark, you don't have to help me. You obviously are somewhere else now. Earth to Mark! Is everything okay?" His mother asked him when he was collecting books in a shelf and polishing dust from them in a really slow manner. Her voice actually woke him up, because he currently was thinking deeply about something. Someone. _Park Jinyoung_.  
      
    "What? I'm okay... Everything's okay." Mark replied with a smile, realizing that he was polishing the same book for a while now.  
      
    "Go somewhere. Shopping maybe?" Mark's mom said, taking a cloth from his hands. "You really can't have that much of a free time huh?" Mark didn't say anything but chuckled and thought that it was a good idea to go out.

    

 

    Being outside, he felt like he's relaxing. The weather was slightly warmer and the snow was almost gone, but it still was a bit too cold for walking around mindlessly, so he decided to go to Jaebum's bar. It was Thursday, something about 1pm, so Mark's thought that Jinyoung's probably at work and he won't be there. Hopefully.

    When he arrived there was no one in the club. Besides Jaebum, of course.  
      
    "What would you like to drink?" Jaebum asked with a big smile on his face. Mark liked him. He was just like Jackson. But in a lot calmer version.

    "Maybe.. Coffee?" Mark replied and Jaebum laughed  
      
    "Wow right. It's a middle of the day anyway! Too soon for a beer, right~" He disappeared under the bar for a second. A sudden sound of breaking a glass and Jaebum's loud shouts following it was heard. "Aish! Not again!" Mark looked over to see what happened. It turned out that the man scattered a few glasses and a few of trays. "I'm so done with this job, God!"  Jaebum shouted as a few customers came by. He smiled apologetically and left Mark for a while to get their orders. When he came back, he said.  
    "Waah. I so need a help here."  
      
    "Aren't Youngjae and Yugyeom work for you too?" Mark remembered these guys from the last time he was in the bar. The bartender gave him a small cup of hot black coffee, shaking his head.

    "No, I mean, yes, but they work here only a part time. Only weekends and a few hours in a working days." Jaebum sighed and started to clean up the mess he created. "Lately I have done nothing but breaking the glasses…"  
      
    "I know what is like… I used to mess up a lot in the US when I was working in a bar like this." Mark winced at the memory. He was yelled at a lot there. Even though his parents send him some money and he lived in his grandfather's house for free he wanted money for his own fun, so he had to find a part time job.   
      
    "You've worked in a bar before? Wow, too bad you have a job now" Jaebum laughed.   
      
    "Actually, I don't. Temporarily" Mark said calmly while sipping on his coffee. The younger stared at him with wide eyes and suddenly catch both of his hands.  
   
    "So you can work here!" Jaebum looked really funny. He had small eyes, but now they were two times bigger. He really needs an employer - Mark thought. _But does he want to work here? What if his parents find out? Well… it's just temporary, right?_ _Just to have something to do while being here.._ Mark fought with his thoughts while the bartender still waited for his answer. Seeing Mark's hesitated face, he let go of his hands and started to scratch his neck. "Well.. If you want."  
      
    "I don't know… I can try." The elder said, but he wasn't sure if he really wants that. Jinyoung will be here often. Probably with his fiancee. _Does Mark want to see them together?_ Jaebum explained what he would have to do and how much he'll earn. Mark nodded accepting the offer.  
      
    "Great! you can start tomorrow!"


	5. Truths and Lies, pt. I

      It's been a few days since Mark worked at Jaebum's bar. He already told his parents about quitting his job. His mom had some suspicions and started to ask questions one day. She knew that something happened and that his son didn't tell her everything. Well, it's not like he confided in her everything when he was younger - he has always been secretive. 

    "When are you coming back to work?" Mrs Tuan asked her son while eating dinner a few days ago. His father was there too. Mark hearing this question started to get nervous. 

    "Why? Are you tired of me already?" He tried to laugh it off, but in reality he was already on the edge of telling his parents the truth. His Mother's serious facial expression made him anxious. His father looked at him questioningly and Mark decided: it's the right time to tell the truth. His hands lying on his knees were clenched. Mark sighed, leaned back in his chair and said "I'm not working there anymore. This job was exhausting. I want to do something else."

    "What?" The sound of dropping chopsticks on the table you heard. His mom stared at him in awe.

    "What are you saying?" His father asked with distrust. Mark didn't look at his parents and sat with his head lowered. He was prepared to attack from their side. He knew that his parents won't leave him alone now. _Maybe they even throw him out of the house?_

    "Mark, what are you saying?" His father asked again and his anger seemed to grow larger with every passing moment. "Are you saying that you quitted the job in the best company out there? A company to which is difficult to get into? The payment was too small for you? The big apartment in the center of Seoul wasn't good enough?" His father yelled. He couldn't accept that his beloved son behaves like a kid and try to to follow his cravings. His father believed that the most important points for a man in his life are money and the ability to support his family and provide the excellent future for them. Mark's job was quite stable, well-paid and most importantly his son was appreciated at work. His father was very proud of him. So now, when he learned that Mark left his job because he just felt like it, caused a great disappointment for him. Mark tried to stay calm, but it annoyed him that his father always thinks about money and not about his son's well being. 

    "Dad, it's not that. I was just unhappy with this job okay? Sometimes I felt lifeless, I didn't even have the strength to come here and spend time with you! Haven't you noticed? I had to work almost 24 hours a day! Can you understand me?" 

    "What are you going to do now?" His mother asked calmly but disappoint was painted on her features.

    "I already found a job for now. I'm working at a bar a few blocks away. And I like it... And please let me just live my life how I want okay?" Marks voice was loud and clear. He knew what he's doing.

    "Where?! All this good education you have and you're working at the bar?" His father was furious. He was always a cheerful and happy person, but only when everything was going his way. Mark's relationship with his father was even better than with his mom. Mark knew it would end like that. His parents were disappointed in him. He could understand that. But he was an adult now, this was only his life and he had to take the risk to learn something about himself and find his way to happiness. 

    Later that day Mark drank soju with his father and his anger seemed to lower a bit. Mr Tuan concluded: _"I love you because you're my son. But you've made a really bad decision. You will regret that in the future. "_ The words of his father were sharp like a knife. He was glad that his parents accepted it somehow, even though they don't understand him at all. He couldn't just work in the company all the time almost without a day of rest. It was too much for Mark. He didn't want to live a life like that. He wanted to find something he would enjoy. And working in a bar with Jaebum and others already proved him that it was worth to take the risk. Although he works there only a few days he likes it there. He thought that everything will be easy, but in reality he had some hardships at first. His coworkers helped him to get on track with his new duties. Jaebum seemed happier each day and he mentioned it here and there how thankful he is that he agreed to work for him.     

    There was a time when Mark had nothing to do because Youngjae and Yugyeom had a shift in the same time. In a moment like this he was cleaning the back of the bar or unpacking boxes of liquors and rearranging them in cold storage. In his free time he would go out to the small patio in the back of the bar. Place where only employers could enter. He liked it there. The man watched how the weather was changing. He noticed that nearby trees started to grow leaves; on their branches started to appear a small leaf buds, one by one. While being there, he felt relaxed, his mind was clear. He liked to think about his life and parents… _and about Jinyoung_. Mark saw him only once since he lives here and he was very upset about it. He won't admit that, but every time he's working his shift at the bar and hears the bell of the doors opening, he hopes it's Jinyoung. Mark knows that he shouldn't think about him too much. _Why would he torture himself like that? Jinyoung betrayed him. He shouldn't believe him in any circumstances_ _…_ he always told himself that, until his mom told him that the younger was asking about him when he was gone. It gave him hope that _maybe Jinyoung had just a twisted way of showing that he cares about him?_

    "Hyung, did you wash the glasses already?" Yugyeom startled Mark with his cold hand touching the back of elder's neck softly and he shivered. He felt weird. Uncomfortable. 

    "Yes, I did. Are you done for today?" Mark answered and when the hand of the younger was on his back already, he wriggled out of his touch, entering the building. Yugyeom followed, closing the door behind him.

    "Yup. I have an exam tomorrow, so I wanted to go home earlier. Oh, and Jaebum hyung asked about you, he needs your help" The younger looked like he wanted to say something more, but he only smiled and headed to the locker-room, waving his hand awkwardly.

  
    There was a lot of people in the bar this evening, even for a Friday. Jaebum joked that since Mark was working here, the number of customers has doubled. Mark snorted at this. He didn't like jokes like this.

    "Can I have a beer?" Mark heard a voice when he was searching for the right bottle of vodka to make a drink. Jaebum was teaching him Mixology since day one, so he had to practice a bit. He was lost in thoughts and didn't pay attention to the voice that called to him. He almost dropped the bottle he was holding when he turned around and saw Jinyoung smiling at him. His heart skipped a beat. And then he saw a young brown haired woman sitting next to him.

    "Um, yeah, beer, coming right up." Mark answered nervously pouring the liquid into a glass. He felt Jinyoung's eyes on him. That's why his hands were shaking like hell.

    "When Jaebum told me that you're working here I couldn't believe it. I had to see it with my own eyes." Jinyoung chuckled and Mark didn't know _if he's mocking him?_   "But you're doing great!" he added after a second and Marks face was probably red as a tomato. _Thank God_ the bar was dimly lit. Mark gave the younger a beer and tried to escape, looking around for Jaebum or Youngjae, but they were too far to change him here. Even though there were a lot of people, being so close to Jinyoung still feels too intimate for his liking. _Oh, and was it his fiancee beside him?_ Jinyoung seems to read his mind. "Sorry I didn't introduce you yet. This is my friend Mark Tuan. And Mark, this is Kang Sora." He said simply, still looking at Mark with a warm smile. The elder felt weak in his presence. 

    "Hi, I'm his fiancee. Nice to meet you." The woman said, bowing her head slightly. She was slim and had long brown wavy hair. She was pretty. A girl who you want to introduce to your parents. If you're straight, that is. "..and you're Jinyoung oppa friend? I didn't know he had a friend named Mark?" She asked, looking at Mark and Jinyoung repeatedly. Mark felt a pang in his chest, when he saw Jinyoung's panic-stricken expression.

    "Um, he was living in the USA and.." Jinyoung tried to explain, but Mark cut him harshly.

    "I was his best friend. Not anymore though." Mark bowed his head slightly and quickly turned to the other customer. It hurts that Jinyoung didn't mention him even once to his fiancee. He wanted to scream at him _what the hell is wrong with him?_ _Why had he visited his mom and asked about him? He wanted to ask if their friendship was really fake?_ Because to this day Mark didn't understand the younger's actions. It shouldn't matter now, though. He was at work now and he shouldn't think about useless things.

    "Mark baby! I want a beer too!" he heard Jackson voice suddenly. He tried to see the source of the voice in the crowd of people at the bar but to no avail. "One beer please!" He saw Jackson eventually, crowding himself in between of some man and Jinyoung at the bar. Mark cursed internally at him because _he couldn't find a better place at the bar than this, huh?_ And his timing was brilliant too; just when he wanted to escape from Jinyoung and his fiancee. Jackson continued to yell. His voice was even louder than the music and chatter of people in the bar. He saw Jinyoung's slightly annoyed look at Jackson "Markie Pooh! Baby!" Mark rolled his eyes and gave the ordered drinks to the group of girls who smiled at him shyly. He recognized the group; on the first day they tried to flirt with him but he wasn't interested. _Obviously._ There were other customers who wanted to order so Mark turned to them, but he felt a hand on his shoulder.

    "Hyung, I'll handle this." Youngjae said and pushed Mark slightly in the direction of Jackson and Jinyoung. He saw the two looking at him expectantly. _God, it's too much._ He notices that beside Jinyoung's fiancee were already some people talking and laughing. Their friends probably.   
      
    "Jackson, are you five?" Mark sighed and look for a glass to pour Jackson a drink. "Wait. You don't drink. You came by a car, right?" Mark remembered suddenly and looked at Jackson expectantly. Jackson lived a half an hour from here so he had to go back home today, because there was no hotels nearby.   
      
    "I am, but I thought I'll sleep at your place! I bet your mom misses me!" Jackson whined and performed an aegyo in front of him. It didn't work.  
      
    "Are you insane? At my parents house? No way. You're going home tonight." Mark said calmly and gave his friend an orange juice. He saw Jinyoung chucked at them, covering his mouth. Mark liked this gesture, _he looked so cute._ Wait. _Is Jinyoung eavesdropping on their conversation? What if Jackson says something stupid about Jinyoung?_ Jackson didn't know how he looked like, so it's possible.  
       
    "Jinyoung are you here? You said you're busy yet you came," suddenly Jaebum emerged from behind of Mark. Jackson looked at Mark knowingly and sit back on the bar stool comfortably. Mark thought that's the best moment to introduce Jackson to them to avoid an awkwardness when Jackson will say something rude about Jinyoung or about their plan. Jackson was a really good friend, so it's possible for him to avenge Mark. "And Sora, hello!" The girl smiled at Jaebum and waved her hand dismissively. She was busy talking with her friends. 

    "Hello, I'm Wang Jackson" Jackson suddenly said, seeing the nervous expression on Mark's face. Jackson liked to be in the center of attention so he introduced himself hearing that Jinyoung who he heard so much about is here. It's show time. "I'm Mark's boyfriend. I wanted him to introduce me, but I felt that it won't happen anytime soon so-"  
      
    "Jackson you're dumb" Mark said and sighed, touching the bridge of his nose. The elder had a feeling that it will end badly. _Maybe his plan wasn't so good anyway?_  
      
    "Ah, so it was you who asked about Markie Pooh, haha" Jaebum laughed "I'm Im Jaebum. And this is Park Jinyoung and his fiancee.. Where's Sora?" Jinyoung shrugged at Jaebum's question and turned to Jackson to bow to him slightly.  
      
    "Nice to meet you." He said to him, but then looked at Mark, who was currently staring at him too. Mark lowered his gaze instantly.   
      
    "Jinyoung-sshi! I've heard a lot about you. Only bad things, though" Jackson said dangerously and Mark's eyes widened shockingly, _Oh no, it's bad,_ he thought and hit Jackson on the arm. Jackson's expression immediately changed "Markie pooh! I was just joking!" he whined cutely at his 'boyfriend'. But looking at Jinyoung's hurt expression he knew that it wasn't a joke. Mark watched as Jinyoung lowered his gaze on the drink and sipped it quietly.  
      
    "Jackson, stop calling me that! And calm down already, you're pissing me off." Mark said with gritted teeth. _Jackson was so dead after this!_ He tried to find something to be busy with, so he took the white towel to clean glasses, because they almost ran out of them.

    "You two are so cute" Jaebum chuckled, trying to light up the atmosphere a bit. "Oops, What can I get you, sir?" He turned to the customer who started to get angry that no one is paying attention to him. Mark was polishing another glass and put it down on a tray. There was silence between the three of them even though it was really loud in the bar and people were everywhere. Suddenly Jackson's phone rang and he said _"shoot, it's my boss!_ " and he hurriedly ran outside. Mark chuckled because his boss is practically his father. They were always formal with each other. When a song from happy and upbeat changed to a much slower ballad, he felt Jinyoung grab his wrist gently and Mark almost dropped the glass he currently held. His body shivered and he felt his face reddening at the gesture of the younger.  
      
    "Can we talk? When are you free?" Jinyoung asked and Mark felt like his heart tried to escape his ribcage. He wanted to talk with Jinyoung, he wanted the answers to all his questions he asked himself for the past 8 years, but he wasn't sure he won't burst into tears while talking with him. The anger was still there inside him waiting for a sign to come outside anytime. The love for the younger was still there too.

    "Hey, Mark, you can rest a bit. I and Youngjae can handle it here, don't worry" Jaebum whispered to his ear and winked at him. Mark nodded.


	6. Truths and Lies, pt. II

    Mark and Jinyoung were at the back of the bar, in a small storage room, where were boxes and cleaning supplies. This was the only place where they could talk in a normal volume level, without screaming to each other. It was pretty calm there and the music wasn't that loud. Mark leaned back at the closet and put his hands in the pockets of his slightly ripped jeans. He tried to act cool, but on the inside he was very nervous. Being with Jinyoung alone was a situation which he wanted tofound himself into when he was younger. Jinyoung looked like he wanted to say something first, he seemed not to know how to start the conversation. He keeps on walking around the place and Mark was watching him from the corner of his eyes. Jinyoung's hair was slightly up, so his forehead was shown. He was wearing a plain white fitted shirt inserted in a well-tailored trousers. Nothing special, however Mark couldn't tear his eyes off him. _He's so handsome._ Mark thought. Suddenly the elder started to get fidgety, because he was curious of what Jinyoung has to say to him. He wanted to know Jinyoung's motives so bad and without thinking he blurted out: 

    "What do you want to talk about?" Mark's deep voice made Jinyoung stop his pace and he turned to look at the elder. He glanced at Mark with a smitten look on his face. 

    "A lot of things." He simply said, staring into Mark's eyes. Mark felt overwhelmed with feelings, so he broke the eye contact instantly. The elder started to play with his fingers to keep him busy and made him seem indifferent. "I wanted to say I'm sorry." The younger suddenly continued his sentence. And in that moment Mark came back to reality. Being here with Jinyoung, seeing his handsome face and hear his sweet voice, made him feel like he still was a teenager. But now, he remembered what Jinyoung did to him. He broke him badly and Mark felt anger building up in his stomach.  
  
    "Sorry? For what exactly? " the elder asked, keeping his cool posture and the cold tone of his voice. Jinyoung sighed and approached Mark. They were a few steps from each other and that's when to Mark's nostrils came a familiar scent. Jinyoung's shampoo scent. _Does he still uses the same brand?_ Mark tried so hard to calm himself down, because he wanted to bury his nose in his silky hair. He missed this scent so much. _He missed Jinyoung so much._

    "I'm sorry that I was an idiot back then. I'm really sorry." Mark saw the sincerity in his eyes, but he couldn't believe him. He told himself before. _He won't let him get close again._  
      
    "So basically you're sorry for breaking our friendship? Or that you were rude to me? Or that you made me lose faith in people?" Mark was torn apart. He wanted to push Jinyoung from him brutally, he wanted to scream in his face that he hates him. But on the other hand, he wanted to wrap his hands around Jinyoung's neck and never let go. Mark knew it was bad. He knew that it will be hard to stick to his words - _that he'll never forgive him for what he did to their friendship._ But still, Mark had so many questions. He wanted answers.  
      
    "I lied back then. I didn't mean those things I said. Really." Jinyoung said quietly with pleading voice. His eyes were still on Mark's.  
      
    "Why, then? Why did you lie? Because I don't understand!" Mark was on the edge. His bottled emotions will come out very soon, he knew. But he decided to not to care anymore.  
      
    "I didn't want you to go with me to the university, because I knew that flying to the USA will do good for you. I was jealous, to be honest. I was angry at you that you have such a good opportunity to make your life amazing and you were going to lose the chance because of me! I had to do it. I'm sorry."   
      
    "What? Jinyoung, don't act like a f*cking philanthropist! It's not an explanation of what you said to me! Couldn't you just say how it was?! How you really felt?!" Mark was furious. He wanted to laugh. _What did he think he was?_

    "I couldn't because you were always so stubborn that you wouldn't listen! You didn't even listen to your father and you fought a lot because of it! He was the most important person for you above everything and everyone. How could you listen to me if I had mentioned it? I had to do something!" Jinyoung's voice was louder this time too. On some point the younger came closer to Mark. He sighed and ruffled his own hair.  
      
    "Why did you care so much?" Mark's voice was cold and he didn't look at Jinyoung anymore. When he didn't see him it was easier to be mad at him and not lose himself in Jinyoung's eyes. He still felt his scent though. Jinyoung stood in front of Mark and noticed that the elder not looking at him anymore. In order to draw attention of Mark to himself, the younger grabbed him gently by the shoulders. The gesture made Mark glance at the younger bewildered.  
      
    "Why did I care? Because I wanted a good future for you, I wanted you to be happy, to follow your own dreams..." Jinyoung stared into his eyes so intensely, that Mark haven't realized that he's almost pinned to the wall beside the closet he was leaning onto. He also haven't realized that Jinyoung's hands were still on his shoulders and his face was so close, that he could almost feel his breath on his face if he could sharpen his senses a bit.

      
    "Why?" Mark's voice was almost a whisper. When he heard his own voice, he blushed and cleared his throat, wriggling out of Jinyoung's touch. He stood in the middle of storage room and didn't know what to do with himself. His heartbeat fastened and he felt like he couldn't breathe. He was trying to hide his nervousness somehow, when Jinyoung turned his head in his direction and answered:  
      
    "...Because you were my best friend. I wanted the best for you." Jinyoung answered. Mark laughed bitterly, turning his back to the younger.  
      
    "That's sick. So breaking our friendship was worth it? I hated you so much, Jinyoung. Do you know how I felt? Did you even think about that? Best friends don't do that to each other. I hate that you apologize to me now. It shouldn't matter to me, but it does. And I hate it!" He refused to look at Jinyoung, because from his eyes the tears threatened to fall. He couldn't show him that he's weak. He has to be strong.

    "I'm sorry! I felt like sh*t after this! You have no idea! I knew I broke you because you were there for me every time I needed you and you always cared for me so much…" Jinyoung touched Mark's shoulder again and the elder's body shivered. "I felt bad. I missed you so much and I knew you hated me." Jinyoung added quietly with a hand still on Mark's shoulder. It was bad. All this makes Mark cry. It annoyed him that Jinyoung came from nowhere after all those years, give him some sweet-talk and the elder is ready to forgive him. Before coming here, to his parent's house, before meeting Jinyoung again he was sure that he won't forgive him. Never. Now, when Jinyoung is in front of him, he's not so sure anymore. "I was annoying your mom and asking how are you. Then I bothered my mom to come to your parents.. because I was too embarrassed... And I wanted to know how are you..." Jinyoung continued. When the younger's hand was gone, Mark turned around to him.  
      
    "I know." Mark still tried to sound serious and cold, but now his voice was softer. Jinyoung smiled nervously.  
      
    "Right." The younger scratched the back of his neck shyly. "So embarrassing.." Suddenly they fell silent. The men stood in front of each other in the middle of a room, hearing the faint music from the bar. Mark's eyes were wet, but tears hadn't fallen yet. There was only one light bulb in the room, so Jinyoung couldn't possibly see his eyes. Anger seemed to slowly evaporate from Mark's system and now he felt a bit more comfortable beside Jinyoung, even when they didn't talk anymore. Just like the good old times; when one look at each other could say more than a thousand words. Like a Soulmates. Mark came to reality when he heard a ringtone of Jinyoung's phone. Jinyoung pulled the phone out of his pocket and looked at the caller. Mark saw the name of the caller too - it was Sora calling. Mark was somewhat disappointed. _Why, though?_ She has the right to call him. _He couldn't be in love with Jinyoung. He couldn't feel so comfortable in his company. The younger's is getting married for God's sake!_ Mark wasn't sure about whether he could be friends with him after everything. It seemed that Mark's feelings for Jinyoung suddenly grew to enormous size. It's worse than it was. To his surprise, Jinyoung hadn't answered the phone, he just shoved it back in his pocket and sighed. Mark suddenly felt awkward and ironed his shirt with his hands. Then he took the towel swiftly and wanted to get back to work. Jinyoung saw this and with a disappointed look on his face said:  
  
    "I'm sorry... I hope you'll forgive me someday."  
  
    "Um, I'm-" Mark was cut in the middle of a sentence by the sound of the doors opening and saw Jaebum looking through the gap uncertainly.  
      
    "Sorry, but Sora is searching for you..." Jaebum said to Jinyoung, but he hadn't the chance to answer, because after a second the doors were fully open and Sora was running into Jinyoungs arms. Mark instantly turned his eyes on the sink and started cleaning it. There was still an intimate atmosphere in the air and Jaebum and Sora seemed to feel it. 

    "Oppa! Where have you been?" She eyed Mark suspiciously and wrapped her arms around Jinyoung giving him a kiss on the check. Mark hated the sound of it. He was jelaous.

    "I was here, sorry I didn't tell you, but you also disappeared somewhere" Jinyoung said calmly. Mark was angry at himself. He loved Jinyoung. He hated to admit that, _but what's the point of lying to himself?_  He wanted to scream. Instead he just bit the insides of his cheeks saying nothing. Jinyoung turned to Mark.

    "We're going.." The younger said softly and smiled a reassuring smile. Mark wanted to cry. "Bye, hyung. See you tomorrow" he said and left the room with Sora glued to his arm. When they were leaving, the girl looked at Mark for a moment with a wary look. In her eyes flickered something, like realization. Mark felt she knew. She knew that he loves her fiance.

     "...Tomorrow?" Mark suddenly asked no one in particular, like he just woke up from his trance.

     "Ah, yeah, Jinyoung will help us tomorrow. We have a acoustic concert here, remember?" Mark felt nervous all of a sudden. He didn't want to meet him so soon, he have to organize his feelings. _He needed time!_

     "Anyways. Did you two reconciled already?" Jaebum asked softly, just like he was afraid of Mark's answer. But Mark didn't know what to say. He was sure that the other knew everything about him and Jinyoung. He was his best friend now. When Mark stayed silent, Jaebum continued: "He was a pain in the a**, really! Jinyoung was talking about you so much for the past years. I was sick of it, to be honest" he chuckled "I was so happy when I met you then. I'm so glad you two already talked it out somehow." Mark felt his cheks burning. _Was he really talk about him that much?_

    "You say he talked about me, but his fiancee didn't know I was his friend?" Mark remembered the situation from earlier this evening.  
      
    "Um, it's.. Well, let's say that she doesn't have to know everything. She doesn't know a lot of things that I know about him, but it doesn't mean she has to know. Secrets are secrets for a reason" he said nervously and suddenly screaming and sound of a breaking glass was heard from the direction of the bar. "Oh God, it's a fight again..." Jaebum sighed and hurriedly left the storage room. Mark stood there for a while longer, stunned. _What was that about? Does it mean that Jinyoung's secrets were related to him?_ He wondered.


	7. Truths and Lies, pt. III

    After the talk with Jinyoung, Mark was so busy in the bar that he hasn't got the chance to talk with Jackson all night. There was a small fist fight between two customers a while ago and a few glasses were broken. It was pretty common on a Friday nights. Jaebum, being the owner and also a security at the same time, throw the problematic customers out. Mark had to clean all this mess they caused. He keep on to check his phone from time to time, to see if Jackson send him some message of if he called. _Maybe he was already at home?_  

    It was something about 2 in the morning when there were only a couple of people in the bar. Youngjae ended his shift a while ago and Mark with Jaebum were still at the bar. The music in the bar changed from upbeat and happy songs to mellow and peaceful ones. When the last customer decided to leave, Mark started to pick up the empty bottles and do a small cleaning of the place, while Jaebum was accounted the earnings from this day from the cash register. Just before closing the place, Mark and Jaebum go to the locker room to get dressed. When they entered the room, they saw Jackson sleeping comfortably on a few chairs put together. Mark tried to wake him up, shaking him and hitting his face softly, but the other only mumbled some words which couldn't be understood. Jackson was drunk. The elder sighed at the condition his friend was in. _He definitely shouldn't drink, God_. Jaebum called a cab and helped Mark carry Jackson to it when it came. Mark had no other choice than to take him to his home. 

     When they arrived, Jackson seemed to be more talkative, but he still was drunk like hell and had problems in keeping on his feet.

     "Mark-hyung, you know what happened~" Jackson yelled happily and his voice spreads in the entire neighborhood, probably waking up everyone in the nearby houses. When the cab drove off, Mark tried to carry him home. The elder was shorter and skinnier compared to his friend, so he had some problems to carry him. Especially when his friend was fidgeting playfully.   

    "Yah! Don't yell!" Mark hissed "Where have you been all night? Why did you drink? Aish, you're so dumb" Mark scolded him quietly and Jackson started to cry. Mark wanted to cry too, because he hates to deal with Jackson's moods when he's drunk.

    "My b-boss called... and told me that…. That… I will have a n-new secretary.." Jackson stammered out, sobbing and sniffling. Mark managed to drag him onto the porch in front of the house, and while he was searching for the keys in his coat pockets, he said:

    "So? You didn't like Mrs Jung anyway. You said that she annoys you and she's unprofessional, right?" Mark didn't understand what Jackson meant. Was he glad that his father fired his secretary or the opposite?

    "Right, but... he asked me who I could recommend.... who would be good for this position... And... I could only think about one person." Jackson said, leaning against the wall of the building. His voice was quieter this time. He seemed slightly embarrassed. Mark was praying that his parent's are still asleep. They are still a little angry at him for changing jobs and now he's taking home drunk people. _Great._ Fortunately, his parents shouldn't mind, though, because they treated Jackson like a son. Still searching for the keys in his pockets, the elder noticed that he left his phone in the bar. _Or did he lose it?_ He cursed quietly.

    "Who did you recommend? Don't tell me..." Mark looked at his friend with wide eyes. There was only one person whom Jackson would recommend. A person, who works in his father's company. A person whom he was in love with for a long time already.  
      
    "Kunpimook" Jackson said with a smile on his face, tears on his face hasn't dry yet from the previous crying episode. Mark shook his head, because he knew that his friend will be possibly heartbroken. Just like he was before one time. Jackson turns every failure into a joke, he doesn't show his true feelings. "...My dad agreed... Bambam will be with me 24h, 7 days a week..." Jackson giggled like a little kid and pouted, seeing the serious face of his friend "... what?"

    "Jackson, don't exaggerate. Why did you recommend him?" While waiting for his answer, Mark finally opened the doors and as quietly as possible dragged Jackson to his room. "Didn't he reject you already?" He asked another question and lay Jackson on his bed, taking off his friend's jacket and shoes.

    "...I'm not going to give up, hyung" Jackson said seriously and after a second he was already asleep. Mark shook his head at the younger and go to the washroom to wash himself and change into his pajamas. When he was done, he lay down beside Jackson on his bed. He sighed seeing his friend's face, _I hope you won't end up like me, Jackson._

    Before falling asleep, he thought about today's events; about everything what has happened. His mind was busy with imagining Jinyoung's handsome face, his scent and his warm touch. 

 

      Mark was supposed to be at work at 3 pm, but he had to take care of hangover Jackson. The elder couldn't even wake him up, and when he finally managed to, Jackson was a whining mess. He complained about a headache and begged Mark to not yell at him, even though Mark spoke in a normal volume. Because Jackson worked on Sundays too, Mark had to make sure that Jackson will end up in his office. He called his old secretary from Jackson's phone and asked her to come and get him. Jackson might be sober by now, but Mark didn't want to have him on his conscience for the rest of his life if something happened to him while driving. His car was parked at the bar's parking lot, anyways. His secretary showed up an hour after and she wasn't nice anymore, obviously. He managed to be late by only 20 minutes when he arrived Jaebum's bar. It's still lateness, though.  
  
    "Hey, hyung!" Jinyoung's voice greeted him at the entrance. Mark looked in the direction of the younger and his heart fastened it's pace. He waved his hand at him shyly. Mark looked around to see Jaebum and Youngjae setting up chairs and tables to prepare the place for an acoustic concert this evening. Jinyoung was cleaning the bar with a cloth from time to time looking at Mark. The elder tried to ignore him, but he felt his cheeks reddening. Jaebum stared at Mark for a while just like he's thinking about something. _Maybe it's because I'm late?_ He thought and immidately approached him.  
      
    "Um, sorry I'm late. I wanted to call, but I left my phone here somewhere." Mark said, looking around the place. Jaebum put down the chair he was currently holding and reached into his pocket.  
      
    "It's here" He pulled the phone out of it and gave it to Mark. "You should call, we have an important event today." Jaebum's voice was so cold, that Mark felt shivers down his spine. _What was that about? Is it because he was late?_  
      
    "Yup, thanks… You know, Jackson was so drunk yesterday that I couldn't wake him up today, so..." Mark tried to explain himself, standing awkwardly before Jaebum and from the corner of his eyes, he saw Youngjae looking at him sympathetically.  
      
    "Yeah." Jaebum glanced at him strangely, before moving the table with the help of Youngjae. Mark was confused. Jaebum's behavior made him feel very uncomfortable. _Did he do something?_

    "Hyung, I'm sorry, it's my fault." Youngjae approached him after a second "I keep on giving him alcohol, but he asked for it, so" Youngjae's voice was filled with guilt. Mark instantly tried to comfort the young boy somehow, because _really_ , it wasn't a big deal, and seeing a pouting Youngjae makes him want to hug him.

    "Don't worry, nothing bad happened." Mark patted him on the shoulder awkwardly "After all, he's an adult. I just didn't want to endure his drunken moods." The elder smiled, and before Youngjae could say anything Jaebum asked.

    "Are you sure nothing bad happened?" Jaebum looked Mark in the eyes and hovered over him a little, whispering to his ear "He said to Youngjae that you're not in a relationship. And that he's in love with someone else... just like you." Mark froze on the spot. Jackson didn't say anything to him about it. The younger didn't even told him that he was talking with anyone! Youngjae scratched his neck with a troubled face, while Jaebum was waiting for any reaction from Mark. 

    "Jackson-shii was saying a lot of things, I didn't know what to do, so I took him to our locker room..." Youngjae said. "I didn't want him to talk with Jinyoung, because-"

    "What about him?" Mark suddenly asked with panic in his voice. His heart stopped and he involuntarily looked towards the bar, where Jinyoung was cleaning. Luckily, Jinyoung couldn't hear their conversation, because of music that was playing in the background and their distance from each other which was quite long.

    "Youngjae said, that he told him, that the one you love is Jinyoung." Jaebum said calmly. And Mark wanted to run away and bury himself alive. It was so unexpected to hear this from someone else, out loud. He was so surprised, that he couldn't defend himself properly. His face was red and he lowered his head. _He had to say something! "_ You loved him since high school, is that true?" Jaebum's voice was softer this time. He knew he's intruding in someone else's private life and feelings, but he was eager to know the answer for some reason.

    "It's a misunderstanding, I'm gay but it doesn't mean... I-" Mark stuttered, trying to defend himself somehow, but was cut in the middle of his sentence.

    "We won't say anything to Jinyoung-hyung, don't worry." Youngjae said hurriedly, seeing Mark's expression. He felt bad for telling Jaebum about it.

    "That's why you were harsh to me just now? Because you found out?" Mark turned to Jaebum. He was nervous, because the younger seemed to be angry at him for it. But he decided that he won't lie anymore. It was pointless. Suddenly Jinyoung's voice resounded through the hall:

    "Yah! Guys, what are you doing?! Maybe someone would like to help me here?!" Jinyoung leaned out the from behind the bar. Mark looked at him and instinctively wanted to help him, but Jaebum grabbed his arm softly. Seeing Jaebum's gesture, Youngjae went to help his hyung, leaving the two alone.

    "I'm sorry, I know that's not my business, but..." Jaebum started quietly, and Mark stared at him bewildered. "I mean, it's not your fault how you feel, right.." The younger said with a sad smile.

    "What's your point?" Mark asked.

    "It's just... I feel bad, because of the wedding and... I can understand what you feel, but I want Jinyoung to be happy, okay? He went through a lot of things, he had a hard time to match the expectations of the environment, to start over." Jaebum was talking, but Mark was clueless. Why Jinyoung had a hard time? _What this had to do with him, anyway?_

   "What? Are you scared that I'll destroy his marriage?" The elder asked, defeated. But seeing Jaebum's serious expression, he laughed bitterly. "Jaebum, it's not like Jinyoung like me back."

    "...Right."

 

 

     Mark wanted to call Jackson as soon as possible, but the concert apparently was a hot issue in the town, because there were really many people this evening. The men didn't have time to rest. Mark tried to avoid Jinyoung at the bar, he felt Jaebum's eyes on him every time Jinyoung interacted with him. Mark understood Jaebum's worries. He wanted his friend to be happy. And so do Mark. When he stood by him he felt Jaebum eyes watching him carefully. _It wasn't a good sign_. 

    Mark and Jinyoung served a few customers at the bar and sometimes they said a few words to each other. Mark felt recultant because he knew Jaebum will be mad at him, though he didn't understand why. _Right, he can be in love with Jinyoung, but does that change anything in their relationship? No._ Because Mark has no intentions to reveal his feelings to the younger.   
      
    "Did you do something? Why is Jaebum watching you?" Jinyoung chuckled and elbowed Mark's side playfully, while serving a customer. The elder was startled by the sudden gesture of the other. He wasn't used to Jinyoung's company yet. They had to scream to each other, because the band is in the middle of playing their loud and powerful song.  
      
    "Hm, I wonder? Maybe because I was late today? He's my boss after all" Mark had to somehow cover for Jaebum's weird actions towards him. No wonder Jinyoung asking about it.

    "It's weird, but mine too!" Jinyoung laughed and Mark immediately regretted that looked at him at this point. The boy loved his laugh, he loves like his eyes turns into crescents, while around them appear cute crows feet. _Yes, he thought they were cute._ He still remembers like kids at school laughed at Jinyoung because of it. Mark always tried to convince him that they're idiots. When the customers were occupied of the concert, they could allow themselves a brief respite.  
      
    "Why do you work here anyway? Don't you have enough work at school?" Mark asked unscrewing the water in the small sink. He had to wash his hands, because they were dirty of juice that spilled, while he was making a drink to the one of the customers. His hands were trembling a little; he was still very nervous about today's events. Mark couldn't believe that just yesterday they were still awkward and now it seems that it's better. But it didn't mean Mark forgave him. Jinyoung seemed to think a little of the answer to Mark's question.

    "I like to be here. Sometimes, when I have time, I try to help Jaebum, when such events happen." Jinyoung replied, handing him a towel to wipe his hands. Mark blushed at the action and took the towel slowly, slightly bowing his head.  
      
    "Well, isn't this a bit… hardcore for a respected teacher work part-time at a place like this?" Mark was curious about it from the beginning.   
      
    "I guess it is... For some people. But I'm just helping a friend." Jinyoung said simply, then he added "It's like living a double life, right? Exciting!" Jinyoung chuckled and Mark missed his personality. In school Jinyoung had been always responsible and serious, but after school and in the breaks between classes he joked and laughed a lot. When the band finished their fourth song, there was another wave of customers at the bar. Youngjae came to them too, and tried to help. 

    "Hello, Mark-hyung!" suddenly Mark felt Yugyeom's arms around his waist, taking him in a backhug. Mark was terrified that he nearly dropped a pint of beer, which he was giving to the customer. "I passed my exams!" Yugyeom was still hugging him and he felt uncomfortable. He noticed that the guy kind of harassing him lately.  
      
    "Um, congratulations" Mark tried to escape his arms awkwardly.   
  
    "Yah, maknae, we are here too, won't you say hello to your other hyungs?" Jinyoung scolded the younger, eyeing him seriously. Jinyoung had always been strict in that matter. He was a teacher, anyway. "Why did you come? Didn't you want a day off?" 

     "I'm not here to work. I'm here with my friends. You should be glad that I bring you some money today!" Yugyeom said with a pout on his face, while Mark was still trying to wriggle out of his touch unnoticeably. He wanted to say something to the younger, but Jinyoung overtook him.

    "So if you aren't working today, you shouldn't be behind the bar with us. Only staff could enter here. And leave Mark-hyung alone, we're working here!" Jinyoung said, detaching Mark from Yugyeom's arms. Mark felt butterflies in his stomach at the contact of Jinyoung's hands on his arm and he felt like his face started to burn embarrassingly. He tried to compose himself after a second, when he noticed Jaebum arrived at the bar.

    "Yah, Yugyeom, haven't you heard that Mark-hyung has a boyfriend? He was here yesterday actually" Jaebum said to Yugyeom, but he felt Jaebum's eyes piercing his own. Mark watched them carefully. He felt that Jaebum will use his secrets in the future. He knew too much for his liking. Yugyeom smiled awkwardly at Jaebum's remark and mumbled a short _"I know"_. "Okay, let's back to work, shall we?" Jaebum clapped in his hands, smiled to Mark slightly and disappeared in the crowd of people taking Yugyeom with him.  
  
     The band played a slower song this time and people seemed to be already drunk enough to order more drinks. That's why, the bartenders had a short break. Mark leaned on the bar counter, listening to the song attentively.  
  
    "How you two meet?" Jinyoung suddenly leaned on the counter too, beside him, that their shoulders were touching.   
  
    "What?" Mark was too stunned at the closeness, but had no intention of moving away from him. Jinyoung played with a cloth he was currently holding. His eyes avoided Mark's.    
      
    "I mean, your boyfriend.. How you two met?" Jinyoung answered with uncertainty in his voice. When he looked at Jinyoung he almost choked on how close his cheek was to Mark's lips. He gulped.  
      
    "Um, at university.. Why, why do you ask..? suddenly..." Mark unintentionally stuttered. Why was Jinyoung asking about it. Should he ask how Jinyoung and Sora met? He didn't want to know, to be honest.  
  
    "I'm just glad you've been able to find a friend" Jinyoung smiled sadly, still not looking at Mark. The elder was watching him curiously and when he wanted to ask another question, the customer came and wanted to order a few beers. So Jinyoung eagerly stood up and go to serve him.


	8. Nothing To Hide

     Some time after it was already beginning of April. The spring was here and the air was fresh, but it was still a bit chilly.  
  
      Mark woke up abruptly due to the loud sound of the handle of the door of his room. He gasped dramatically and with his still half-closed eyes, he was trying to figure out what's going on by looking around the room.

    "Mark, wake up! Mrs Park had an accident and we have to visit her in a hospital!" Mark's mom was nervous and her voice was trembling a little. Jinyoung's mom was her good friend, so it was obvious that the news affected her. Mark immediately sat in his bed and gasped soundlessly, but he still wasn't sure if he's not still asleep. He looked at the clock; 9:09.   
      
    "Wait, what.. what happened?" Mark asked after a second of his doubt. His mom groaned anxiously seeing his son still in his bed and his pajamas.  
      
    "I was supposed to meet with her today and when I went to her, I met Jinyoung there and he told me about this" Mark's Mom nervously disclosed the curtains of the windows, letting the sun's rays fell in her son's room. The bright rays of the sun sobered Mark right away. While rubbing his eyes, he asked finally:  
      
    "What happened?!"  
      
    "Hurry up, Jinyoung's waiting in the living room" His mother replied. Mark's eyes widened in shock. _Jinyoung is here? Now?!_ He felt his face grew hot suddenly and he instinctively covered himself with a blanket by the chin. "I have to prepare a small gift for her." His mom continued, but Mark was dazed. _Why is he here anyway?_ His mom bustled around the room for a moment, almost going out.

    "What? Mom, wait, why is he here?"

    "He's heading to hospital now, so we'll go with him" she replied over her shoulder and flew out of the room hurriedly. Mark composed himself in the blink of an eye, when he thought about Jinyoung's mom. 

 

     Mark managed to get dressed and do his morning routine in less than 5 minutes. When he went downstairs, he looked over the kitchen, seeing his mom packing some fruits to the basket, along with some other things. He walked into a living room and saw Jinyoung sitting on a sofa. The elder haven't seen Jinyoung in almost a week now and his heart fastened its pace again.  
 When Jinyoung noticed Mark standing in the hallway, he immediately stood up and greeted him with a polite smile on his face.

    "Hi, hyung."

    "Hi... what happened? Is your mom okay?" Mark asked with sincerity. He was really worried about her. When Mark was younger and was friends with Jinyoung, his mother treated him like her own son. When Mark's parents weren't at home she always took care of him and sometimes even taught him along with Jinyoung a variety of things. Mark treated her like family. The older still had a guilty conscience, because he wasn't at the funeral of Jinyoung's father. The man was also really nice to him. Jinyoung smiled warmly at his question and replied:  
      
    "It's... She's fine, thank God." suddenly his smile faltered. "She was involved in a car accident yesterday... A drunk driver hit her." Jinyoung replied and his voice sounded really vulnerable and weak. His eyes were slightly puffy and tired. _He probably couldn't sleep_ _,_ Mark thought.  
      
    "How is she? How does she feel?" Mark asked, suppressing the desire to hug and comfort the other. Jinyoung looked very calm, yet his hands were shaking slightly, revealing his true emotions.  
      
    "She has a broken leg and she's wearing a neck brace. She also has to stay in a hospital for a while because she has lung contusions, which has to be under observation." The younger said from time to time looking at the floor, nervously.

    "Oh, it sounds awful..." Mark wanted to show him that he's sincere and that he cares about him too. He knows that his mom is the most important person in Jinyoung's life.  
      
    "I know… I was so shocked when the hospital called me yesterday. I was there yesterday and I didn't think of anything so I have to bring her some stuff today" The younger smiled nervously and scratched his neck shyly. Mark really wanted to hug him.  
      
    "Boys, I'm good to go. I think I have everything. I hope she can eat because I have a cheesecake for her. I baked it early in the morning today. Would you like some, Jinyoungie?" Mrs Tuan emerged from the kitchen with a full basket of food. Mark pouted when he heard her question to Jinyoung. _What, she didn't ask her own son who didn't eat his breakfast, huh~_ he thought. 

    "I believe it's delicious, but I had my breakfast a several minutes ago. Maybe next time?" he answered a little troubled, but sincerely. Mark's mom loved Jinyoung like his own son, too. Mark jokingly thought sometimes that maybe she loves him even more? Seeing Jinyoung's distressed expression, he rushed his mom a bit and they finally were on their way to hospital.  
  
  
 

    "Aigoo! Who are you, young man? Wah, your son became so handsome!" Jinyoung's mom said, when they entered a hospital room where there were two beds, one not occupied by anyone. Mrs Park looked as if she expected visitors, so as the door opened, the woman immediately smiled from ear to ear. She was always cheerful; Mark remembered.

    "Right? But his blonde hair..." Mrs Tuan wanted to complain about her son to her a little, while watching him sourly. Jinyoung smiled seeing Mark's pout at her. Mrs Park shook his head.

    "No, I bet girls are crazy for you, Mark! Um... I mean boys, too" She giggled tiredly and Mark didn't think about it too much because he heard it a lot of times. After a short chat, Jinyoung gave all the stuff he brought his mom and then he excused himself saying he had to go. Mark learned that Jinyoung has a day off today. Before he left, the younger asked him:

    "We'll meet at Jaebum's, right?" And Mark nodded at his question. Seeing their small interaction Jinyoung's mom smiled.   
   
    "I'm glad you two are friends again" She said, and Mak didn't know what to reply. _Are they friends?_ Mark had some doubts, but he smiled politely at her because he didn't want to ruin the moment. He knew he supposed to be still angry at him, but his heart felt more than okay with Jinyoung's company. When Mark thought about all this, he wanted to laugh, because around Jinyoung he felt as comfortable as he did a few years ago. His anger seemed to evaporate by now.  
   
    Mrs Park was older than Mark's mom by a few years and she wasn't in a good health just like Mark's mom. You could see that she is tired just by hearing her voice. It was a lot quieter than Mark remembered, she seemed to have difficulty breathing. She lied in bed almost motionless. Mark thought that Jinyoung had to be terrified when he found out about the accident. He had to be horrified that he could lose her too. Mark felt sharp pang in his heart while thinking about it.  
      
    "How long will you stay here, unnie?" Mrs Tuan asked, adjusting Jinyoung mom's blanket and pillow. She sighed.  
      
    "I don't really know. They told me that, initially, I have to be here for 7 days. I must undergo some examinations." She obviously wasn't happy about it.   
      
    "Unnie, you have to be ready for your son's wedding, so hurry up and recover quickly" Mark's mom said warmly. Mark stood by the bed awkwardly and smiled from time to time. And when his mom mentioned this damned wedding, he stopped smiling.

    "That's the problem." she sighed deeply, looking at her hands, "Our Jinyoungie wants to postpone the wedding because of me" When Mark heard that, his heart nearly stopped. He felt weird, like a wave of relief washed over him. He knew that Jinyoung has no feelings towads him... but he just didn't like Sora. He lowered his head realizing that it's not cancelled. It's postponed. Every child would do that if one of their parent couldn't attend a wedding. It's normal. This day is an important moment in life of every child and parent.  
      
    "What? Ah, that's the kind of son he is, really precious." Mrs Tuan said with a dreamy sigh, nodding her head, "But the wedding is 5 weeks away or something? Isn't it too troublesome to postpone everything?"   
  
    "He's stubborn just like his father. He said that the cast on my leg won't match my dress" she chuckled and Mark's mother laughed at that, too "I hope Sora won't have anything against it, though, she wanted to marry him as soon as possible" she said awkwardly and Mark winced unknowingly. _Could it be that the woman didn't like his son's fiancee?_  
  
    "Who wouldn't? Jinyoung will be a perfect husband!" Mrs Tuan replied and suddenly Jinyoung's mother turned to Mark, who hasn't said a word for the past 10 minutes.  
  
    "Mark, sweetheart, I would like to talk with your mom in private. " She smiled warmly at him. Mark flushed and put on his jacket hastily.  
.  
    "Ah, yes, of course. I'll wait outside." he bowed his head politely, excusing himself. "Please, get well soon Mrs Park." Jinyoung's mother gasped at his sentence.   
      
   "What, isn't it "auntie" anymore? Wah, you're an adult now, huh?" she laughed with a fake resentment in her voice. Mark smiled at her cheerfully, because he liked to think that everything could be like as it once was.

    "Get well soon, auntie!"

 

    Mark had almost 1 hour left till beginning his shift in Jaebum's bar. He was sitting on the chair in the hospital hallway, waiting for his mom to come out of Mrs Park's room. She was always so nice to him, that he didn't know what would he do if she was strongly injured after the accident. What if she couldn't make it and leave Jinyoung alone? Mark wouldn't forgive himself that he hadn't come to visit her earlier, immediately when he arrived in his family's neighborhood. Thinking about his neighborhood, his thoughts flew to Jinyoung, as always.  

    Jaebum is okay with him being in love with his best friend already. His unexplained anger ended, and now he seemed to be accustomed to this situation. Maybe Jaebum understood, that Mark is not one of those people who are trying to break someone's marriages. In fact, Mark loved Jinyoung, but he knew what the reality was. He may have been very clingy in relation to Jinyoung in high school, but now he had grown up. At least he thought that of himself. Jinyoung wedding was supposed to be a month away. Mark was still not sure if he will attend it, whenever it will be. He was convinced that he'll go, to prove himself that all those feelings to Jinyoung didn't matter anymore. But he's not sure, not after all those events with Jinyoung. Not after he felt his touch and his scent after all those years. Senses, which awakened his love for the younger once again. _Why is Jinyoung always so nice to him?_ _Jinyoung wanted to be his friend again so badly?_ It annoyed Mark to no end and because of that, seeing the younger being the same as before makes his heart beat faster. He didn't want to spoil their relationship which seemed to reborn. Even after Jinyoung's weird behavior which ended their friendship, Mark wanted to believe that it still makes sense; he wanted to cherish it. Maybe he was naive, but he still wanted to be close to Jinyoung. That's why, now, when Jaebum and Youngjae know his secret he wasn't sure what they'll do with it in the future. He hoped that secret remains secret forever.

    He was still waiting, this time he stood up and approached the window in a hospital hallway. The people were passing him with their legs or hands in a casts and he couldn't help but pitied them. He looked over the window - branches of the trees were almost all green and their small buds were shyly evolving.

    After a long while Mark's mom finally came out of the room. She closed the door behind her very quietly, that he almost didn't hear her if she didn't clear her throat.   
      
    "Are we going home by bus? Or maybe do you want to spend some alone time with your son in the shopping mall? It's the only chance!" Mark asked cheerfully, wiggling his eyebrows playfully. He was in the mood for shopping, seeing this beautiful weather. He thought that his mother won't be able to resist and agree to the proposal immediately, because she asked him for it often before, but he didn't have time. It was weird, because his mom didn't look too good. Was it because her friend was sick? Or was it something else? She looked at Mark with something he couldn't name.   
      
    "We're coming home now."

    "Okay." Mark didn't want to ask her why is she acting like that. She seemed to be angry. _Did Mrs Park said something mean to her? No, it couldn't be._ He knew that his mom is scary when angry. It's better not to come in her way when it's bad. That's why, Mark tried not to ask about it. But after a while, his curiosity proved to be stronger. "Mom, what happened?" He asked quietly.  
      
    "Don't talk to me now. We'll talk at home." Saying it, Mark's mother didn't even looked at her son. She quickly overtook him and Mark had to step up its pace to catch up with her.

 

    Their bus ride was quiet. They rode it for only 5 minutes, but it seemed like it took a lot longer. Mark has never been a chatty person, but the silence between him and his mother made him feel overwhelmed. Mark wanted to know so badly what happened that made his mom so angry. He knew it was something really bad. His mother is often nervous and yells a lot when she's mad, but if it's so bad that she doesn't talk to him and ignores him, must mean something serious. He was horrified.  
  
    When the front door of their house closed behind their backs, his mother threw her bag on the floor in the house's hallway angrily and looked at Mark. Her eyes were narrowed and her face showed evil grimace. Mark smiled uncertainly. 

    "Mom, what-" Mark was cut of in the middle of his question.

    "Is there something you want to tell me?" The woman's voice was cold as ice. Mark didn't know what was happening and _why is his mom acting so strange towards him?_  
      
    "No, mom, I-"   
      
    "Don't lie, Mark" She put her hands on her hips and stared at him waiting for a response. Mark felt trapped, still not knowing what Jinyoung's mother could have told his mom making her so angry.

    "I don't understand" Apparently his answer didn't satisfy his mother, because the woman slapped him painfully. Mark touched his cheek and looked at her devastated. For a moment on her face appeared a sense of guilt, but it was replaced by wrath in the next moment. Mark didn't know what's going on.  
      
    "Jinyoung's mother told me. She asked how did I managed to be okay with your…. With..." The woman said with clenched teeth, not looking at his son. "...your orientation. I was so embarrassed, Mark. How could you do that to me, to your father!?" Mark suddenly realized what was going on. Jinyoung must have told his mother that Mark is gay. 

    "Mom, I wanted to tell you, but-" Mark felt weak. He didn't know how to explain it in the neatest way. His mother seemed not to be delighted by this news. Mark planned to tell his parents when the time is right. He didn't want them to find out that way, from other people.  
       
    "So you don't deny it? Are you really gay!? And I was waiting for you to bring a girl home someday... I was so stupid! I should have known!" His mom was furious. Her hands were shaking and she clenched them tightly. Mark wanted to cry. He didn't expect such a reaction from his mother. He thought that she'll accept him just the way he is.   
      
     "Mom, listen-" 

     "Stop. I don't want to hear anything from you anymore. Jinyoung is a perfect son, unnie is so proud of him and what kind of son do I have!?" Mark's mom looked at him with narrowed eyes. Her face was red with rage and angry tears began to flow down her cheeks. Mark felt like his world started to crumble because of her harsh words. "You quitted your job and you are working now in an obscure bar and you're... your'e gay. It's wrong, Mark! I didn't raise you to be like that!"  
      
    "Why is it wrong!? Why is it so important to you!?" Mark felt tears threatening to fall from his eyes, but he decided that he won't cry. She has to understand that whatever he is, she should accept him, because _he is her son for God's sake!_

     "I'm embarrassed because of you.. Can you imagine how I feel? Everyone will talk about our family now!" The woman shouted and grabbed his head in despair. The anger seemed to surpass her. Mark felt more and more sad and helpless. He was angry that his mother couldn't accept him how he is and was more afraid of the reaction of the other people.  
      
    "Mom, I'm sorry it affected you so much, but I can't help it, I didn't choose to be like that" Mark tried to explain his feelings to her in a calm manner, he almost pleaded. But she didn't listen.   
      
    "It's wrong, Mark. It's disgusting!" His mother said coldly and went to the kitchen, ignoring his son completely. Mark followed her and his anger was more evident. 

    "How can you say that!? You don't understand!" He leaned on the kitchen table and lightly hit it with his fist. "Mom, please try to understand!"

    "Let me guess." The woman turned around to him with a knowing smirk "You've fought with Jinyoung at that time because of it. He couldn't accept that, right? Or you were in love with him and he rejected you?! Obviously, Jinyoung is an intelligent man and doesn't cause any problems to others!"  
      
     "No, it wasn't about it! Stop saying such things when you know nothing! Why are you always praising him so much and withdrawing your own son?!"  
      
     "Why? Because you're ungrateful. You don't respect your family at all!" she yelled, pointing his finger at him accusingly. Mark wanted to scream. 

    "What? What made you think like that?!" His voice was raspy and there were still unshed tears in his eyes.   
      
    "I'm done. Move out. And come back when you'll think it through and be normal." Mark's mother said, and walked out of the kitchen, slamming the door. Mark couldn't believe what he just heard. His heart was in pieces. Suddenly he thought of Jinyoung. _It's all because of him._ If he didn't say anything to his mother about Mark's orientation, it wouldn't end like that. _What I should do now?_


	9. The Fight

     Mark was furious. He had so much anger in himself that he had to blow off steam using his clothes, throwing them violently into a suitcase, packing up. Mark was more angry than sad. He couldn't understand why his mother didn't accept him. After all, he is her only son. Apparently, being gay is a good reason to drop his son out of the house.  
  
       He was angry at his mother, but also Jinyoung passed through his mind. If he hadn't told his mother about this, Mark's parents wouldn't have found out about his orientation. _By what right do Jinyoung tell his mother such useless things, on the occasion of ruining Mark's life?_ He wondered.  
      
       When he calmed down a little, he sat down on his bed among the crumpled bed sheets and sighed tiredly. He pulled the phone from his pocket and dialed Jackson's number. Mark told him everything what happened. He had to tell someone about it, to not keep it in and destroy himself from the inside. Jackson felt sorry for his friend and showed his understanding and support by suggesting to Mark to live with him for some time. Now, theoretically, he had no place to live, that's why Mark hasn't even thought too much about it and agreed right away. His friend lives alone in his big apartment, 30 minutes from here and has several available rooms. It was a difficult situation for Jackson too, because _how can you comfort a friend who did nothing wrong and his parents disown him?_ It was the best thing Jackson could do for him, because Mark needed to sleep somewhere. 

       Mark had a little bit of hope that his father will somehow accept him. He had a lot better relationship with his father anyway. Mark really wanted to tell his parents about his se xuality. He waited for the right moment. It was a nightmare knowing that his mom found out not from her son but from other people. His anger grew, thinking about Jinyoung. _Why did he tell her?! It shouldn't be his business!_ _Jinyoung should be interested in his own life, not Mark's!_ Talking with Jackson on the phone, Mark asked him to come for him. Jackson explained that he has another meeting, but, obviously he'll come for Mark as fast as possible. They agreed to meet at Jaebum's bar. Mark decided that he'll take a day off to somehow calm down, but he couldn't stay at home when he wasn't welcomed here. He finished packing his things and went out of the house hurriedily, slamming the door. 

    When Mark walked into a bar, he noticed a couple of people there. He also noticed Jinyoung talking to Jaebum at the bar. Jinyoung was here as a customer this time, judging by his chic clothes and styled hair. The younger was sitting on the bar chair, leaning on the bar counter and drinking a beverage. Mark learned, that he sometimes came after work to talk with friends and relax after a nervous day in school. Despite the calm music echoing in the bar, seeing Jinyoung, there was no sign of the butterflies in his stomach, which always appeared when Mark saw the younger. There was only a burning anger, consuming every good emotion left in him. Because of Jinyoung Mark is now in such a hopeless situation.

    "What? Are you moving out?" Jinyoung asked cheerfully, when Mark approached the bar with his bags. His behavior further enraged the older. Mark clenched his fists on the handle of the suitcase.  
  
    "Yes, I'm moving out. Are you satisfied?" He answered, slamming his bags on the floor. He was furious.  
  
    "What? Hyung, I don't understand" Jinyoung looked sincerely surprised at Mark's tone of voice. The younger turned fully to Mark, who stood in front of him with narrowed eyes.  
  
    "Why don't you leave my life alone and take care your own?!" Mark yelled uncontrollably and Jaebum grabbed his arm firmly. 

    "Yah, hyung. If you want to scream, go to the back and don't scare my customers" Jaebum said with a unsure smile. Jaebum, just like Jinyoung, was oblivious to what happened to Mark. He only knew it must be something serious, since Mark exploded with anger like that. Mark's cold eyes meet with Jinyoung's for a moment. The younger looked really puzzled and a bit scared, but he didn't think about it too much. Mark grabbed Jinyoung's sleeve abruptly and dragged him to the back of the bar hastily.   
  
    "Hyung, what happened?" Jinyoung asked, when the doors behind them closed. Mark snorted.   
  
    "Don't be funny. You just ruined my life. Why won't you take care of your life, your fiancee and leave my life alone? Who gave you the right to talk about my personal matters to others?!" Mark yelled, throwing his arms in the air. Jinyoung suddenly started to feel really small and weak.   
  
    "What... what do you mean, hyung?" Jinyoung asked quietly.  
  
    "It was a secret. I wanted to say this myself to my parents, I didn't want them to find out from other people!" Mark began to spit out words with the speed of light and it made him breathless. "Why did you tell your mom that I'm gay? Did you forget that she's my mom's friend and she'll found out?!" Mark heard Jinyoung gasped dramatically. He quickly approached Mark and tried to catch him by the shoulder, but Mark stepped back.  
  
    "I had no idea that your parents didn't know about it!" Jinyoung said louder this time, trying to explain himself.   
  
    "They didn't. Now they do, because of your big mouth!" Mark screamed, pacing around the small room. He felt the strong urge to kick some boxes, which were stored there, but at the last moment, his sanity broke into his head, prohibiting him doing this.  
  
    "I didn't say this to ruin anything, Mark! I just wanted her to know that you'll come with your boyfriend to my wedding! I wanted to warn her to protect you!"  
  
    "Oh, is that so? To protect me? Wow, thank you very much" Mark said sarcastically, with a fake cheer in his voice. "You don't have to worry anymore, because I won't be there." Mark challenged Jinyoung with his eyes. It was clear that what he said stung Jinyoung badly. His face was contorted in guilt.  
  
    "Hyung. I'm sorry, really, I didn't know" The younger didn't dare to approach Mark. He just stood there, by the wall of the storage room, avoiding Mark's gaze.  
  
    "Forget it." The older sighed with resignation and when he was about to storm out of the room, he felt Jinyoung's hand on his shoulder.   
  
    "Did they throw you out?" Jinyoung's voice was quiet, just like he was afraid of the answer.  
  
    "Does it matter? Why, want to go and tell someone the news?"   
  
    "Hyung… that's not fair. I'm really sorry, I shouldn't do this..." Jinyoung rambled with his head down, when the doors of the room opened and Jackson stormed in, panting slightly.   
  
    "Ah, here you are! We go?" When Jinyoung saw Jackson looking at the both of them, he withdrew his hand from Mark's shoulder swiftly.   
  
    "Yes, we're going." Mark looked at the younger with disappointment and he left the room with Jackson, leaving Jinyoung alone in the small room.

 

  
    Jaebum gave mark one day off just like he wanted that day. 

    The next day, on Saturday, Mark was late to work again. Living in Jackson's apartment meant that he has a long way to work. His apartment was luxurious and very comfortable, but he decided that he'll stay for only a few days, because he was tired already. He couldn't complain too much though, because he was actually homeless now. Jackson's new secretary, Kumphimook, was there often too, so the apartment was very lively. Especially when Jackson bickers with him. It was fun to watch, but it was quite tiring in the long run. Jackson always have some demands to him, still makes him get some business done, which means that Kumphimook is a frequent visitor to his apartment. They spend a lot of time together. It was just business, but Mark knew that Jackson wants to win his secretary's heart. Jackson was strict with him, always called with slightest thing and the guy didn't have time for relaxing. It wasn't a good strategy to make someone fall in love with you if you'd ask Mark, but Jackson always had a  unconventional methods. He said that he has everything under control. Mark was unconvinced.

  
     Jaebum greeted him along with Jinyoung who had a sad smile on his face. Apparently Jinyoung came today to help in the bar too. Just like on the most of Saturdays. The younger seemed to avoid him. _No wonder,_ after what happened yesterday, after Mark yelled at him in a moment of anger.  
Mark already cooled off from anger though, and frankly saying, yesterday he was wrong. It wasn't Jinyoung's fault. He talked about that with Jackson on yesterday's evening and the other scolded him harshly when he found out that his friend is blaming Jinyoung for all this. _How could Jinyoung know that Mark's parents are oblivious to the matter when the elder said it in the bar that he's gay and was open about it for almost strangers?_ In his heart, Mark knew he was wrong, but he wouldn't immediately admit it. He knows he have to apologize to Jinyoung. He said things that he didn't entirely meant... 

    Mark was quiet for a few hours now. Jaebum tried to comfort him, after finding out what happened yesterday, but Mark only thanked him. He wouldn't seem to be in a better mood afterwards. And the view of Jinyoung's sad face didn't help. Mark would like to apologize to him, but he doesn't know how to approach him to not be too awkward. Mark has a lot on his mind now, anyway... _Maybe another time_.

    "Guys, remember. Make some free time on tuesday. It's Youngjae's birthday. We have to throw a party for him. Jinyoung sugested we're going to norebang." Jaebum said to Yugyeom and Mark while they were bringing down the chairs and placing them beside the tables. Yugyeom tried to cheer him up for some time already, joking around and laughing maniacally. It worked a little. He was too busy to notice that someone came to the bar, when he felt a small tap on his shoulder.  
  
    "Mark, your father is looking for you" Jaebum said with unsure expression on his face. And Mark instinctively looked toward the bar. His father was there leaning against the bar and tapping his fingers on the counter impatiently. Mark felt his stomach tighten. He gulped and approached him slowly.   
  
    "Dad..."  
 

 

    They both went out on the patio, it was a warm afternoon and the sun was still shining in the sky. Mark stood there gulping his saliva nervously, with his head down. For a moment he wanted to sit on a chair at a wooden table that were there, but quickly dismissed the thought. It won't be a conversation over tea. Mark has been anxious as never in this moment. He was afraid of the reaction of his father. He knew that his mother didn't accept him and he hoped that at least his father will try to understand and support him.  
  
    "Mark, what was that about?" His father finally asked with a neutral tone of voice, not looking at his son. Mark felt a little confident, knowing that his father hasn't yelled at him yet.   
  
    "You already know, right?" Mark answered, playing with his fingers, trying to calm himself a bit.   
  
    "I thought you'll tell me the truth. So, say it."  
  
    "The truth? This is the truth, dad. I'm gay." Mark replied incredulously, with his eyebrows furrowed. His voice might be calm, but on the inside his guts clenched from the tension.  
  
    "No, Mark. It can't be, stop joking around." His father looked at him sternly and at this point, Mark knew that this conversation won't be easy.  
  
    "Why, dad? Why you can't accept me?" Mark approached his father and looked at him pleadingly.    
  
    "You're better than that. This is not normal." Mark's father grabbed him by the arms and answered, shaking his son a little. His eyes had sadness in them, but also disappointment.  
  
    "I thought you'll accept me. Because I'm your only son." Mark's voice was almost a whisper. The boy lowered his head again, defeated. He lost all hope he had. His parents rejected his son in the worst possible moment.  
  
    "That's why we can't. You were supposed to be successful and have a family and kids!" His father pushed him lightly, then began to restlessly walk around the wooden patio parquet.   
  
    "I can! I still can be successful while being gay, dad! I can have family and kids!" Mark screamed, throwing his arms in the air. He was pissed off now, becauce _what kind of reasons were these?!_  
  
    "Don't be funny, Mark. You know very well that no one would accept such a family. Dont's be selfish, Mark. Think about others... About us, your parents!" His father's voice was a lot louder now too, that probably everyone has heard them in the immediate vicinity.   
  
    "Dad! Why?! Do I have to mind what society has to say about it? It's my life and I'm going to live it how I want if you like it or not!" Anger and helplessness began to grow in him. He didn't know what to say to make his father understand that he didn't chose to be like this. _It wasn't his fault!_

     "Oh, really?! Exactly like how you changed a job as a manager in the prestigious company, just to sell beer and have to deal with drunk people every weekend? This is the future you want?!" His father was furious now. His face turned red with anger and his fists were clenched tightly. Mark wasn't calm also, but he felt powerless and he knew that this conversation won't change anything. Mark wanted to cry suddenly.

    "I want to live my life in my own way, Dad."   
  
    "I don't know where it comes from, Mark, seriously. It's bad and it's disgusting! I hope you'll come to your senses soon. I can't accept you being gay, Mark. I feel like I lost a child." His father uttered these sentences with clenched teeth, as if they are giving him great pain. Hearing all this from the mouth of his own father made him feel great pain in his heart. Mark almost broke down in tears, but the remnants of his strength inhibited his true feelings. 

    "Dad, I'm gay since long time ago! And I'm still the same person I was all my life! The only thing you have lost is your own image of me being the son you wanted!"  
  
    "I want you to be normal." Mr Tuan said stubbornly. Mark felt tears in his eyes at this point. Thinking of his parents feeling disgusted by his son and claiming him as something not normal broke his heart.   
  
    "I am normal! Dad, just try to understand me, please" Mark pleaded, looking his father in the eyes. He wanted it to be a bad dream he would wake up from.  
   
    "If you will still oppose and won't change your beliefs, don't come home. You're not allowed there. And I'll act like I don't have a son." His father stood there for a moment, waiting for a reply from his son. But Mark didn't know what to say. He was devastated by his father's words.  
  
    "Dad, please-"   
  
    "Don't visit us anymore." he said and walked into the building, slamming the door. Mark's expression Mark contorted in sorrow.  
All the brakes gave way.

    Hearing the crack of the glass door closing behind his father, he couldn't longer control his feelings. He began to sob violently, pressing a hand to his mouth to muffle the sound. Mark crouched down, curling himself and buried his head in his knees. He felt that his world had just crumbled to pieces. He knew that he's alone. He had no one to come back to. His own parents disowned him. His beloved father, who always tried to understand him in his decisions, disowned him. Mark knew stories of other homose xuals coming out to his parents and ended up being unaccepted by them. He thought that his family is different, that it doesn't apply to him. He was sure, that his parents love him just the way he is to accept him and have nothing against it. _Oh, how wrong he was_.

   He couldn't breathe. His sobs started to choke him and he seemed to drown in his own tears. He tried to get up on his feet, but he was so weak, that he almost fell over, if not for arms holding him in place from behind. Mark was a little startled, but only for a second, because he knew who it was. As a result, his sobs become even louder. How he hated that situation. _Why is Jinyoung doing this to him._ The younger turned him around and without a word hugged him tightly, wrapping his hands around Mark's slim figure. The elder immediately buried his face in his chest without hesitation, crying and soaking Jinyoung's shirt with his tears. Jinyoung's hand stroked the elder's hair and the other caressed his back. Mark wanted Jinyoung to touch him like that before, but now when it's happening, Mark couldn't think much about it. He was so broken, yet Jinyoung's arms made him feel a bit at ease. Mark couldn't even stop crying before the younger; he always hid his feelings, but now it didn't matter.

    "I'm sorry, hyung. That's my fault" Mark heard Jinyoung's voice, which instantly made Mark came back to reality. He pushed himself from the younger slightly and wiped his eyes with his sleeves, saying nothing. He tried to avoid Jinyoung's eyes and go to work, but the younger was stubborn. He grabbed his arm, making Mark to look at him in surprise. Jinyoung's expression changed quickly from sad to sorrowful when he looked at his face fully. _Mark had to look really pitiful._  "When you need someone to talk to I'm here, hyung. You can tell me anything and I swear, I won't tell anyone" Jinyoung's voice was full with sincerity and Mark wanted to hug him one more time. The elder looked him straight in the eyes. He loved him so much and Mark hated that. He wanted Jinyoung to treat him badly, to make it easier for him to forget about the younger. He was too nice for Mark's good. Noticing that he's still looking Jinyoung in the eyes, he quickly averted his gaze on the floor, sniffling. He nodded and walked into the bar, leaving the younger on the patio.


	10. The Birthday Party

    A few days passed. Mark still lives in Jackson's apartment and he searches for a suite for himself more eagerly. When he exempted from a previous job, he had collected some sum of money in his bank account. He thought of giving up this work for a long time, so he knew he had to secure his future when he'll do it and need the money. This time was right, he needed a new apartment like nobody else. Jackson was a great friend, but he was too crazy for him to live with.

    Today was Youngjae's birthday and everybody decided to meet at the Karaoke club almost at the end of the other side of town. Jaebum was the one who organized the party and make sure everything's going smoothly. He always liked to be a leader and organize everything around him. Jaebum did this for Youngjae, because he was his best friend and he treated him like his younger brother. The younger loved to sing, that's why it was natural to throw a party for him in the Karaoke club. Jaebum also invited a few people, apart from Youngjae's friends from school. Even Jackson got an invitation. 

     Mark still feels quite depressed and miserable after all that what happened in the last few days with his parents. He still can't believe that his parents rejected him in such a way. But he couldn't refuse to come to Youngjae's birthday. Mark felt a strange sense of protection against the young boy.  

    When Mark along with Jackson and Kunpimook entered their rented room in the club, everyone has already been present. The room was small with a large screen on the wall and a small stage in the middle of the place. On large sofas localized in the corners a few people were sitting already, and at a large table in front of them were served snacks and alcohol. Mark hated to be late, but he could not help it; Jackson argued all the way here with his secretary, pausing every now and then. Mark noted that despite all the quarrels over practically nothing, these two become closer. _The Love methods of Jackson must work in practice,_ Mark thought. The karaoke room was dimly lit, there were only a few colored lights here and there, which light disco ball successfully reflected. While he was greeting with the people standing at the entrance, which turned out to be Yugyeom with some other people, he noticed Jinyoung sitting on a sofa in a corner. He was sitting with Sora, accompanied by some people Mark couldn't recognize. The music in the room played from the speakers was so loud that it was difficult to carry on a normal conversation. Mark's eyes were still on Jinyoung, when the other looked at him suddenly too, waving his hand swiftly at him with a smile on his face. Sora waved at them too, with a fake smile. Mark wasn't sure whether the girl has always the expression like this or it was reserved only for Mark. He winced. _Maybe she just doesn't like him_.

    After finally making Youngjae birthday wishes and presented him with gifts, they sat on the sofa, while Jaebum kidnapped the birthday boy to sing the next song. This time, it was "Fantastic Baby."

    "Drink up! And let's get this party started!" suddenly Yugyeom appeared from the crowd with a bottle of vodka. He was smiling from ear to ear, and Mark knew, the younger was already drunk. Jackson grabbed the said bottle and started to pour them drinks with a happy expression. Mark tried to push his own glass away from Jackson, but to no avail. Jackson send him a knowing smile and winked, filling his glass with vodka. Mark sighed, then laughed, letting him do it. He agreed to drink only one of Jackson's drink. He knew how strong they are. Mark hated to be drunk, after drinking, he gets terribly honest and tiresome, so he always tries to avoid drinking large amounts of alcohol. It was risky for him to drink with all those people and, especially, with Jinyoung here. In spite of all, he drank the full capacity of his glass in one motion anyway. After a second, he noticed that Yugyeom was watching him gulping his vodka and then the younger suddenly grabbed his arm.

    "Hyung! Let's sing!" he watched the elder with anticipation, gently squeezing his bicep.

    "Nope, I don't sing" Mark tried to decline the offer, while the birthday boy came to him with glassy eyes and pink cheeks.

    "Sing with me, hyung~" Mark looked around, unsure. Youngjae was adorable and being with him, he felt like he had a cute little brother who he always wanted to have. His conscience wouldn't give him peace if he refused. Therefore, he left Yugyeom behind and gave the lead to Youngjae to the center of the room. The younger gave the mic to him and immediately pick a song. It was "Sorry Sorry" by Super Junior. Before they started to sing, Mark said to him loudly:

    "Okay, but only one song!" to which the younger replied with a sad face, but nodded nevertheless.

    "Yah, hyung, I wanted to sing with you!" Yugyeom appeared beside Mark, hugging him from behind abruptly.

    "I can't refuse the birthday boy, you know~" Mark laughed and Yugyeom pouted, leaving them in the middle of the room. There were a few people around them, but when he looked accidentally over to Jinyoung he almost left the scene because he felt incredibly hot. Suddenly the other people vanished and it felt like it was only the two of them in the room. _How could he sing, knowing that he was looking at him so intensively?_ Suddenly he wanted to drink. Alcohol. _Lots of it_. 

    He sang not hitting the right notes, knowing he was being watched made him nervous. Youngjae's voice on the other hand was still immaculate, even being drunk. Mark noticed that Jackson danced funnily around them with a bottle of some alcohol. Surprisingly, his best friend approached his secretary and dragged him in on the small scene. Jackson started to dance in front of Kunpimook sexily, touching him sensually, making Mark giggle. There were a few other people dancing too, but their dance was the most spectacular. After the song ended and Youngjae vanished somewhere in the crowd of people, Mark returned to the table. He poured himself another shoot of vodka, when Yugyeom appeared, shaking his shoulder nervously. He gestured to the scene - Jackson was kissing Kunpimook. And it wasn't a simple kiss. They were practically making out on the scene in the room. Mark shook his head their behavior and laughed. Yugyeom had a scandalized look on his face and Mark couln't help but think the other is adorable. He ruffled his nicely styled hair and smiled. The younger's cheeks seemed to redden at his gesture. It wasn't only Yugyeom, but everyone in the room noticed Jackson and his secretary's behavior. They already could tell that Mark is not in relationship with Jackson. Mark was happy to see that Kunpimook might reciprocate his friend's long-lasting feelings for him. If it wasn't just alcohol of course, the both of them were already quite drunk. Mark was sitting on the sofa comfortably, tracing the circles on the edges of the glass, when he felt Jinyoung's eyes on him again. He shivered.

    "Omma, appa!" Youngjae suddenly shouted through the microphone, making a deafening screech by it. "Sing me something Sora-noona and Jinyoung-hyung!" the younger pleaded drunkenly, making the both stand up. Sora was eager to sing, unlike Jinyoung. He seemed to be sober. Some boy dragged them to the middle of the room to Youngjae who gave them microphones. Jinyoung grabbed it and looked around. He looked shy and unsure. His fiancee picked some ballad, which Mark didn't even know, grabbed the younger's hands and started to dance around him. Jinyoung was just standing awkwardly, he seemed to be too sober for his own good. Mark smiled seeing him like this. The elder was too busy watching Jinyoung, not noticing his best friend sitting beside him and making out with his secretary. The light in the room was dim, but it didn't bother Mark to observe Jinyoung. He studied every piece of his body, feeling besotted. He noticed that alcohol is making him strongly infatuated. He also knew that he's obvious for gaping at Jinyoung intently, but he didn't care. He couldn't take his eyes off him even if he wanted.

  
    "Yah, Mark hyung... I have something to tell you..." Jaebum approached him with Yugyeom. Jaebum's voice was weak and when he hovered over Mark, he almost fell on him. Jaebum was drunk as hell. When Yugyeom suddenly sat on Mark's lap, he didn't even flinch and he was to lazy to push the younger away.

    "Hyung, whatever, let's just drink!" Yugyeom said, wrapping his arms around Mark's neck. Jaebum shrugged, deciding that what he wanted to tell wasn't that important anyway and left the two. Yugyeom grabbed a random glass from the table, which was standing next to the now empty Mark's glass and drank the whole capacity of it. It turned out it was Jackson's drink, filled with vodka. It seemed that it was about one glass too much for Yugyeom, because he flew out of the room instantly in the direction of the toilets. Mark smirked drunkely and continued to glance at Jinyoung. He was now talking with Jaebum, Sora and some of their other friends.

    "You're staring, hyung" Youngjae approached him and whispered to his ear. He crouched down and leaned his head on Mark's knee. Mark felt bad, because there was no place for him to sit beside him. The younger didn't seem to care anyway. 

    "I want to cry hyung... I like you and I don't like when you're sad, hyung" the younger started to whine cutely and his eyes seemed to shine. To be precise, his eyes looked like they will shed tears at any moment. Mark smiled and ruffled the younger's hair.

    "Don't cry, dummy, it's your birthday!" Mark laughed. To talk with the younger he had to bend and he felt dizzy instantly. _Too much alcohol_ , Mark thought and decided that it was enough for today.

    "I don't want to be sad... you're making me sad, hyung" he replied with a pout on his face. Mark smiled brightly. _Why does Youngjae thinks he's sad?_ He wasn't sad, at all. At this moment at least. 

    "Aigoo, so cute, Youngjae-ah~" Mark pinched his cheeks. _Why is this kid that cute?_ The music still was loud and some of the people were singing now. It seemed to be Youngjae's favorite song, because he suddenly stood up clumsily and rushed to the scene almost tripping over it. He embraced two girls who were singing, and started to shouting the song's lyrics.

      
    Mark began to feel worse. He suddenly remembered why he doesn't like to drink alcohol. Dizziness still bothered him and his eyes began to feel heavy. Even the music and laughing of the people around started to disturb him. He decided to go out on the balcony to get some fresh air. He left the karaoke room, passed through a short hallway, finding the door to the balcony. Although his head was spinning, he walked quite normally.

    When he felt the cool breeze, he suddenly remembered that he left his jacket in the room. Although it was already mid-April, the evenings were still chilly. Mark was only in his t-shirt, but he decided not to return to the room for his outer clothing, because it felt too good in the open air. He walked over to the railing of the balcony and looked around. He was on the second floor of the building and although the view wasn't so entrancing, he relaxed immediately. Mark leaned on the railing, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

    "Oh, hyung. You're here too. It's stuffy over there, right?" Suddenly he heard Jinyoung's voice, making him jump nervously. It sobered him up a little, but after a second the annoying headache returned. Mark wondered whether he fell asleep, because he didn't hear the characteristic sound of opening glass doors. He turned around to see Jinyoung approaching him and joining to him, leaning on the railings beside him. 

  
    "Yes, it is" Mark said, looking in the distance at the horizon. He had strange thoughts about the younger, he didn't want to look at him, because he wasn't sure what he'll do. He was drunk now and couldn't discipline himself properly, unfortunately.  
.  
    "I wanted to get some fresh air" the younger said, also avoiding Mark's eyes. They felt somehow awkward with each other tonight. 

    "How's your mom feeling?" Mark suddenly remembered that his mom is still in the hospital. He hasn't visited her after all happened with his parents. He felt bad, but he was afraid that he'll meet his mother visiting his best friend in the hospital. 

    "Oh, she's better, thank you. She actually asked why you don't come to visit her…" Jinyoung replied with a sincere smile on his face, stealing a look on Mark's face.

    "Really? I should visit her sometime, then" Jinyoung nodded at Mark's answer and the silence fell between them. Mark thought about apologizing Jinyoung for his last outburst. He knew it was a good moment. Especially now, that he had a little more courage, when alcohol was still circulating in his veins.

    "Hyung-"

    "Jinyoung-" they suddenly turned around to face each other. They laughed awkwardly at the funny situation, Jinyoung seemed to have similiar thoughts for initiating a chat with Mark in the same moment. Mark scratched the back of his neck, gesturing to the younger to say what he wanted first. But Jinyoung was stubborn.

    "No, you first, hyung. What is it?" Jinyoung giggled funnily and hit Mark's shoulder slightly, rushing him. Mark cleared his throat.

    "I wanted to apologize to you. I was wrong the other day… I shouldn't jump on you like that... I was stressed out." Mark was looking at Jinyoung, showing him his sincerity. The elder didn't like to do things like that, but he was sincere. "I'm sorry, really." he added, watching Jinyoung's expression change. The younger laughed and Mark couldn't take his eyes off him now. 

    "Wow, I didn't expect this." Jinyoung knew him, he knew that Mark wasn't good in that kind of things. Especially showing weakness. Mark noticed that he showed a lot of his weak points to Jinyoung already. "It's okay. I still feel bad about telling, though…" Jinyoung's smile faltered and he pulled the sleeves of his sweater on his hands up to his fingers. He looked really lost and Mark felt bad for making him like this.

    "Don't, you couldn't know. I said that to everyone in the bar on that day, how could you know my parents doesn't know if I was so open about it?" Mark reassured Jinyoung. He didn't want him to feel bad, because it was his fault. He didn't want Jinyoung to feel guilty or anything. Suddenly, looking at Jinyoung's troubled expression, made him want to hug him like the younger recently hugged him. Mark was still dizzy from the alcohol and the presence of Jinyoung. He was still in control, he knew that Jinyoung's fiancee is here, he knew he shouldn't feel like this towards him, he knew that the younger isn't gay... But he couldn't do anything about his feelings for him. Jinyoung's voice interrupted his train of thoughts. 

    "Um.. How are your parents?"

    "I don't know, I'm not talking with them anymore" Mark said seriously, turning his eyes on the stars in the sky. The alcohol seemed to block his thoughts about his parents and what happened a few days ago. Now, remembering it, his head felt heavy. Mark leaned his body weight on the railing, sighing. 

    "Maybe they just need time?" Jinyoung asked with a worry in his voice.

    "I hope. I could wait, though." Mark answered honestly. Jinyoung looked at the elder from the corner of his eye and smiled warmly. It was dark, there were no clouds overcasting the stars. The moon was also visible, throwing a pale light on the both of them. From time to time the wind ruffled their hair. The silence between them lasted for a while and Mark felt comfortable again. He almost closed his eyes when Jinyoung spoke.

    "So, you're not in a relationship with Jackson, huh?"  

    "Um …" He knew that this question can fall at any time. In the end, Jackson and Mark didn't look like a couple at today's event. He turned to the younger who watched him intently. He didn't have a chance to reply anything, when Jinyoung added. 

    "I'm glad." The younger said simply and Mark felt his cheeks burning. His heart started to beat faster and his palms sweated from the nervousness.

    "What?" Mark's thoughts were a mess and he couldn't think straight. _What Jinyoung means by that?_  
   
    "He seems like a weird guy." Jinyoung replied with a warm smile on his face. The wings of Mark's hope have been cut off. _What did he expect anyway?_ He tried to compose himself, giggling nervously. He started to feel cold all of a sudden.

    "Ah, yeah, he's weird…" Mark seemed to sober up a bit by the chilly weather, but his head was still spinning. He wanted to sit down, but there wasn't any chairs nor a bench. "Ah, right, what do you wanted to tell me?" Mark asked, changing the subject.

    "I thought I'll get away with this" Jinyoung ruffled the back of his hair nervously and Mark was curious. He shouldn't get his hopes up, but what could he do? He was so in love with him, that he wasn't even thinking normally. Seeing Jinyoung like this his heart started to beat fast uncontrollably. 

    "What is it?" Mark asked, feeling his heartbeat quicken "What?" he pushed.

    "Aren't you cold?" Mark suddenly felt that Jinyoung put his sweater on Mark's shoulders. He immediately smelled the younger's perfume and the pleasant warmth. "There, there. You had goosebumps" Jinyoung said, looking everywhere, but Mark's eyes. But the elder stared at him with disbelief and he almost wanted to cry.

    "What… what did you want to tell me…?" His voice was a lot quieter now and his body shivered from the touch of Jinyoungs' cloth on his shoulders. Mark wanted to know _why is he like that? Why is Jinyoung so nice to him? Why is he talking with him here and left his fiancee? Shouldn't he be with her?_ Mark wanted answers. The younger pushed him to his boundaries. 

    "Um…" the younger seemed to look for the right words. He paused for a moment, then he said. "I just wanted you to know that I'm glad we're talking again. I missed you so much all those years." Jinyoung's eyes were staring at Mark's intently. Mark wasn't sure if he heard it right. He felt dizzy... _Maybe it was alcohol? Or maybe he fell asleep and all this is just a dream?_ But Jinyoung's warm skin seemed to be so real when Mark approached him and brushed his hands against his cheeks. Jinyoung's expression was astonished… _maybe it was a dream?_ Mark gazed into Jinyoung's eyes, slowly closing their distance. When Mark turned his eyes at Jinyoung's lips, he tensed. He knew he shouldn't do it, but it was too late. Mark pressed his lips on Jinyoung's ones abruptly, closing his eyes in the process. The world around them seemed to stop. Jinyoung's lips were just like he imagined them all those years, warm and soft. Mark moved his lips a bit, trying to slip his tongue in Jinyoung's mouth and when Mark's hands slipped from Jinyoung's cheeks to his neck, he felt a push on his chest. Jinyoung had his head down and his hands were still on Mark's chest for a moment. Jinyoung covered his mouth with his hand, eyes widened, darting everywhere but Mark's face. Jinyoung looked startled at Mark's behavior, he was too shocked to say anything. Mark cursed himself when he saw Jinyoung entering the building hurriedly a second after. Mark felt that all the alcohol that flowed in his veins suddenly evaporated. He felt sober. The elder hid his face in his hands dramatically. He knew that he ruined everything. He touched his lips, the touch of Jinyoung's mouth lingered on them. He crouched down, wrapping up in Jinyoung's sweater, still feeling his scent. He didn't notice when from his eyes began to flow silent tears.


	11. Secrets

     "Why won't you say anything, Jackson?" Mark asked, sitting at the kitchen table, in the morning after Youngjae's birthday party. He said everything what happened between him and Jinyoung to Jackson, seeking some understanding or some advice from him, at least. Mark was really embarrassed that he couldn't control himself from kissing Jinyoung yesterday. The younger probably freaked out and doesn't want to be his friend anymore, Mark thought.  
  
    "What should I say? That you're dumb? I think you realized that already" Jackson's mood was really bad, especially when he was hangover. And he was, very much hangover.  
  
    "No, I mean… I thought you would comfort me or something" Mark said quietly, not wanting to embarrass himself in front of his best friend. He sighed and started to eat his breakfast which today was only a sandwich. The elder was a bit hangover too and he wasn't really hungry, but he knew he had to eat something to have some strength at work later. Jackson poured himself a glass of water and said:  
  
    "No, I won't comfort you, because it was your mistake."  
  
    "Whoa, I almost forgot what a great friend you are" Mark said with a sarcasm in his voice.  
  
    "Hyung, why did you do it? The Jinyoung guy is straight. He's getting married, for God's sake!" Jackson sat on a chair at the table in front of Mark, his loud voice causing his head hurt, judging from his furrowed eyebrows and a painful expression on his face.  
  
    "Well, the marriage is postponed for now..." Mark stared at a sandwich in his hands nervously.   
  
    "But still! I thought you're smart. He probably wanted to be your friend again and you destroyed everything. This time it's you who did that. You're even." Jackson said dismissively gulping his water down. Mark realized that his friend is right. Even though this wedding is postponed, Jinyoung still has a fiancee and loves her. Why wouldn't he? The wedding date changed just because his mom couldn't attend the wedding in time. Simple as that.  
  
    "I know… but he was so nice to me." Marks voice was almost a whisper. His arguments were silly as 5 year old's and he blindly believed that Jackson will give him some hope, tell him to not give up and fighting for his love. Just like Jackson didn't give up and in the end took Kunphimook's heart, even if it seemed hopeless. But Jackson was a straightforward friend and a really honest one. Mark appreciated it, but sometimes it was too much for him to handle.  
  
    "It doesn't matter, hyung. I told you that it's a bad idea to even still think of him that way. You should forget about him." Jackson said sternly and Mark felt like a scolded child. Jackson was perhaps a little too harsh, but meant well for his friend. The elder took another bite of his sandwich, when Kunpimook came to the kitchen in his pajamas and disheveled hair. Jackson send him a quick smile which he returned in the blink of an eye.  
  
    "Jackson hyung, you're his best friend, if I remember correctly? Why are you bringing him down?" The secretary said, pouring his glass with mineral water. Jackson turned to him with a pout on his face.  
  
    "I am, that's why I'm honest with him!" Mark watched the two and sighed. He still was chewing on the sandwich when he decided to end this conversation. He knew that it was pointless anyway.  
  
    "Okay, I get it. I regret what I did… but I couldn't help myself." Mark said, standing up from the chair and putting his empty glass to the sink. He wasn't in a good mood, even though he fulfilled one of his dreams last night. He touched his lips with his fingers, remembering Jinyoung's soft ones on them. Kunpimook watched his hyung's solemn expression and gasped dramatically, putting a hand to his mouth.   
  
    "Wow. Mark hyung is really in love, that's a rare sight!" he smiled, looking at Jackson with amazement. Mark shook his head disapprovingly and slowly turned to his room, hearing his best friend's sigh.  
  
    "Yeah, he is. And that's not good, because his love interest isn't even gay."  
  
    "I'm not gay either." Kunpimook joked, wrapping his arms around Jackson's shoulders from behind.   
  
    "Yeah, right. You were already gay when I asked you out a few years ago. And you turned me down harshly at that time, heol~" Jackson pouted, and his secretary giggled.   
  
    "Yea, sorry about that. I guess I'm gay for you, if I want it or not, anyways."   
  
    "I feel special." Jacksons voice was followed by Kunpimook's laugh and the sound of their wet kisses. Mark closed the doors of his room and sighed tiredly.  
 

 

    Mark was really downhearted, knowing that Jinyoung didn't come to the bar all day. Jaebum told Mark, that he's probably busy because a wave of important exams at school is starting and Jinyoung has more work now. Mark really wanted to believe that. He would be devastated if it turned out that Jinyoung is avoiding him because of that kiss. Mark still had an image of his shocked face expression before his eyes. If he knew it'll end like this, he wouldn't do that. But he was drunk and he had some weird things going on in his head at that time which told him to do it. Mark sighed, pulling out his backpack and locking his locker at the end of the work. When he was almost ready to go out of the small locker room, Jaebum approached him with a worried experssion.   
  
    "You're acting weird today. Something happened?" He put his hand to Mark's forehead, checking if has a fever. The elder took a step back, fixing his bangs. "Are you sick?"  
  
    "No, why?" Mark asked simply, putting on his navy blue windbreaker.  
   
    "No? So living in Jackson's apartment have to be hard, right?" Jaebum said with a hint of a laugh and walked to his own locker opening it loudly. Mark was sure Jinyoung didn't say anything about yesterday's evening to his best friend. If he did, Jaebum wouldn't be so nice for sure.  
  
    "Yeah, I can't sleep well there. I have to find something for myself soon" Mark laughed slightly and Jaebum nodded understandingly. "I'm going, see you tomorrow!" he added and walked out of the bar.   
 

    When Mark was at the bus stop, waiting for the last bus to come, he felt a bit cold. The wind today was cold and gusty. Mark wished he had brought with him his scarf; the days were warm, but he didn't think about the evenings. Sitting on the bench at the bus stop, shivering, he suddenly remembered Jinyoung's sweater, which was in his backpack now. He brought it with him today, because he wanted to give it back to Jinyoung when he'll come to the bar. But he didn't show up. Mark had no idea where Jinyoung lived now. He wanted to ask Jaebum where his best friend lives, but at the last moment decided against it. The younger would probably ask too many questions about why he needs Jinyoung's address.

   The bus arrived after a while, a few minutes earlier than expected. There were only a few people, no wonder, it was late already. Mark took place at the end, by the window, as always. He liked to watch the city when riding a bus. He leaned his head against the window and sighed. He thought of Jinyoung, again. How dumb he was kissing him. What did he expect anyway? That Jinyoung will jump on him and say that he loves him and it'll be the end of the fairy tale; the prince got the princess? Because now, when Mark thinks of what he did, made him feel uneasy and awkward. He decided to not drink ever again.

 

  
    The next day Mark decided to go to the hospital to see Jinyoung's mom. It's been a while since he visited her. He wanted to know how she feels now. He bought a bouquet of pink lilies with blue irises on his way to hospital. He hoped Jinyoung's mom will like them.   
  
    He was already walking in the hospital hallway, when he suddenly stopped. He didn't think of his mom. _Maybe she will be visiting her friend in the same time?_ Mark wasn't ready to meet her. Then another thought came to his mind. _What if Jinyoung will be there too?_ He gulped nervously and burst into a cold sweat. The people passing him were looking at him strangely, but he couldn't care less. He was standing just outside the door to her room, holding the handle with his right hand and in the left a bouquet of flowers. Trying to calm down, he exhaled and slowly opened the door. Luckily, there was no one who he had expected to meet. Only patients.

    "Hello, Mrs Park" he approached the third bed by the window and smiled widely at Jinyoung's mother. She was currently reading a book with a serious expression and when she looked up, she immediately lighted up, showing the book beside her pillow.  
  
    "Aigo! Mark-ah! Thank you!" She accepted the flowers gratefully, immediately sniffing them with his eyes closed. Mark smiled at her warmly and looked around in search of a vase.  
  
    "How are you, Mrs Park?" Mark asked, when he finally spotted a small vase, which he immediately took and poured water into it.  
  
    "I'm better, sweetheart. I'm glad you came. I haven't seen you in ages." She said with a tired voice, handing the flowers to Mark. He put the bouquet in a vase down on a table beside her bed and sat on a chair.

    "I'm sorry, I wanted to come earlier but I was busy and a lot happened…" Mark tried to explain himself, but he knew that Mrs Park knew about everything already. About his parents, that is. She has probably found out from her son or her friend; Mark's mom. He lowered his head, when he felt her hand grabbing his gently.   
  
    "I'm sorry about your parents." She said with a guilt in her voice. She had still small troubles with breathing and her lungs weren't in a good condition, Mark noticed. She had still cast on her leg and even without the neck brace, she had problems with moving her head. His heart was in pain seeing her like that.  
  
    "No need to be. They had to find out sooner or later." Mark said with a slight smile, squeezing her hand lightly.  
  
    "You know, they probably feel lost in this new situation. I'm sure they'll accept you. You're their only son and they love you. I know." Mrs Park said and Mark was happy to know that there's someone who accepts him and understands him without questioning his sanity.

     "Thank you" he said honestly and when the nurse came in to change the IV, she let go of Mark's hand. When they were alone again after a minute, Jinyoung's mom turned to Mark smiling at him warmly.  
  
    "I'm glad that you reconciled with Jinyoungie. I'm sure you need a friend in times like this, right?"  
  
    "Um, yeah, I do."  _But I'm not friends with him_ ; he wanted to add but he knew he couldn't spoil the atmosphere just like that. It was his fault that Jinyoung is avoiding him now, anyway.  
  
    "When you left fot the USA, everything started to fall apart for Jinyoungie... and he needed a friend too. But you weren't there for him anymore." she sighed with regret, and Mark felt a pang in his heart. _Is she blaming him?_ Mark's confusion must have show on his features, because she hurriedly continued. "I know... I know what happened back then. Jinyoung was really depressed, he had no apetite at all for a few days after you left. I had to know what happened, that he behaved like this " the woman sighed. "I don't know if he told you that already, but.. he had a really bad relationship with his father." she suddenly confessed.  
  
    "What? But they were just fine when I was living here" he sounded silly, because he wasn't here for 8 years and it's a long time. Everything could happen in that period of time.   
  
    "Yes, but then.. Jinyoung was going through puberty and rebelled... He told us a couple of things which his father couldn't bare. Jinyoung rarely stayed at home. Sometimes he just called only me... He lived in a dormitory, later rented an apartment together with Sora... When his father died in an accident, it was so sudden that he had no chance to say goodbye to him. He's blaming himself that if he weren't so stubborn... he could just swallow his pride and come to terms with him." Mark listened to her closely, capturing everything what she said. It changed his perception of Jinyoung. Knowing that a few years ago Jinyoung was very close with his father, Mark suddenly wanted to know what Jinyoung told his parents that offended his father so much. "He started hanging out with Jaebum and somehow pulled himself together." she said and Mark felt a little uncomfortable, knowing that Jinyoung is now angry at him for the previous evening and his mother tells him such a personal matter. Mark always wanted to know what was happening with Jinyoung during his absence, even if he won't admit it loudly. Even if it broke his heart of how many bad things Jinyoung went through, he felt relieved to know this and saw him in a different light.

    "I'm glad he's okay now." Mark said and when he realized that his voice was almost a whisper, he cleared his throat.   
  
    "I'm glad that you're here again, Mark-ah. Jinyoung missed you." she said, touching his arm delicately and opened her mouth again to say something, but she paused abruptly decided not to.  
  
    "He told me" Mark smiled, remembering the birthday party when Jinyoung said all those nice things to him. Just before his kiss which destroyed everything.  
  
    "He did? Oh, that's adorable. My Jinyoungie is so mature now. Saying how it is. He learned from his mistakes, it seems" Mrs Park nodded her head proudly. "Ah, where are you living now, sweetheart?"  
  
    "Um, at my friend's apartment. I'm searching for something for my own. Also a new job would be good" Mark replied politely. He's searching for a job and flat on the internet, but it's hard to find anything that he would like and buy right away.   
  
    "A new job... ah, I've heard from your mom, that you left your previous job. She complained about you, but she was just worried." Mrs Park said and seeing his solemn expression, she added quickly, just in case he didn't understand her motives "Do what you feel is right for you, Mark. If you'll live by your own rules, then you'll be happy, rich or not, sweetheart." Hearing her kind words, Mark suddenly wanted to hug her. He almost forgot how warm hearted and understanding she always was. "Just like Jinyoungie did." she added and her smile fell a hit. "But this wedding…"  
  
    "What about the wedding?" Mark asked a little too fast and blushed, turning his gaze on his hands instantly. He heard her sigh, before she spoke.  
  
    "I think it's rushed. I think he felt a pressure, because he's with Sora for almost four years now… it seems that Jinyoung doesn't want it. But maybe I'm wrong? He was the one who proposed anyway..." She was wondering. Mark's heart started to beat frantically and his hands started to sweat. _What if his mom is right? What if he doesn't really want to be with Sora?_ He tried to calm down and not to fall into a false conclusion, because it couldn't be true. He nodded understandingly, seeing Jinyoung's mother getting more nervous.  
  
    "She is a good girl, but sometimes, I've noticed, she has a great expectations of Jinyoung. Usually he is very amicable and respectable... I think she persuaded him to marry her." She laughed nervously, as if she realized that he shouldn't have said that. Mark was sure now, that the woman didn't like his son's fiancee. "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm babbling nonsense, I just want Jinyoung to be happy."  
  
    "Me too" Mark said absentmindedly, looking out of the window.   
  
    "Of course. Please hear him out, I think he needs a shoulder to lean on. He always saying that he's fine, but I know something's going on. Maybe he's stressed out… he won't tell me. He thinks I'm old and I don't understand anything."  
  
    "Definitely, he doesn't think that, Mrs Park" he said quickly with a bewildered expression. She giggled and took his hand in hers.  
  
    "Ah, my ears bleed hearing "Mrs Park" from your mouth. A great river separates us, huh?" She joked and laughed, while Mark noticed that it's already late and he has to go to the bar. He stood up and began to put on his jacket, while he replied:  
  
    "I'm sorry, I lost the habit from addressing to you Auntie." She smiled at his reply and ruffled his hair abruptly, when an idea came to Mark's mind. He really wanted to reconcile with Jinyoung, he wanted to apologize to him and how can he do that if Jinyoung won't come to the bar anymore? He has his sweater, which has to give back, too.   
  
    "Where does Jinyoung live?" He asked shyly.  
  
    "Oh, he didn't give you his adress?" She asked with surprised expression and hurriedly searched for a paper and pen in the drawer next to the hospital bed "I'll give it to you. He lives in a rented apartment with Sora…" she scribbled clumsily "here."  
  
    "Thank you." Mark looked at the paper. He can go to him now, he thought.   
  
    "You're welcome, sweetheart."


	12. Crossing The Barriers

    

     It was another day at work. Mark hasn't seen Jinyoung at all since their kiss on that unfortunate birthday party. It was already almost a week after. Mark knew that it wasn't because he was busy, he was sure that Jinyoung is avoiding him. Although Mark knew where the younger lives, he didn't want to visit him. He has an alibi to go there, because he has to give him his sweater back, which he borrowed Mark in the evening at the karaoke club, still, he was scared to meet him. Mark sighed polishing the glasses absentmindedly.  
  
    "Hyung! Maybe we can go somewhere tomorrow night? Since Jaebum hyung gave us a day off..." Yugyeom approached him, handing him another glass to polish. Today was his shift in the bar too. The younger looked at him expectantly with a cheerful face, like a puppy asking to play with him.   
  
    "Huh, why?" Mark asked with a surprised expression, as if Yugyeom snapped him out of his trance.   
  
    "You're kind of sad lately, hyung. I don't know what happened, but we can always go party and relieve the stress out!"  
  
    "Nope, I'm not going. I don't want to drink." Mark said, putting the tray of clean glasses under the bar counter. There were already a few people in the bar, although it was still quite too early for partying.  
  
    "Mark hyung, why? Why are you always so cold to me?" The younger pouted, with a whiny voice. And although Mark refused not because he didn't like him, because it wasn't true, Mark just didn't want to go to any parties. He just wanted to sleep for an eternity and even longer.   
  
    "I'm not. I'm thankful that you're worried about me, but I'm okay. Just tired." Even if Yugyeom can sometimes be quite annoying, he knew that he is a good guy.  
  
    "Hyung, I see something is wrong. Did you fight with Jinyoung hyung or something?" the boy suddenly asked and Mark tried to play it cool. Like it wasn't really true.  
  
    "No, why?" He busied himself with wiping the bar with a white towel, just to not look at Yugyeom. Mark always thought that the younger has a very bright and piercing eyes, able to catch every lie.  
  
    "Jinyoung hyung rarely comes here now. He was here yesterday since forever, just before your shift. I thought you fought with each other and he's avoiding you or something..."  _How could you know that?_ Mark thought, thrilled. He tried to cover his nervousness with a smile.  
  
    "No, we didn't" He said and hurriedly went to the storage room, still avoiding Yugyeom's eyes.  
  
 

  
     He leaned his back against a wall and sighed. _So I was right. He's totally avoiding me._ Mark thought and he felt annoyingly helpless. It's all his fault, everything is broken now because of him. He was angry at himself for allowing his stupid behavior. He is a grown man, and let his emotions overwhelm him. He ruffled his hair angrily, then he closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall.  
       
   "What are you doing, hyung? Are you okay?" he opened his eyes when he heard Youngjae voice. The younger quickly came to him and touched his shoulder with a worried look. Mark had to look like a sick person leaning against a wall holding his head in his hands and sighing tiredly. 

    "What's wrong with you guys? Everyone is asking me the same thing over and over again..." he turned to the sink, washing his hands carefully. 

    "That's because you look like you're sick." He said, staring at him, looking for disturbing symptoms.  
  
    "No, I'm fine, really" He smiled as he wiped his hands in the soft towel. The younger stood in front of him for a while, saying nothing. Mark started to get confused, because _what is going on?_  
  
    "Go and talk to him, hyung." Youngjae suddenly said.

    "Youngjae ah, what are you talking about?" Mark asked, with a puzzled expression and furrowed brows.

    "Go and talk to Jinyoung hyung. He was here yesterday and asked about you, when your shift starts and stuff. I don't know what's going on but, hyung, please talk with each other for once." Youngjae said pleadingly, grabbing Mark gently by the shoulders, to get his attention. The elder didn't know what was happening. Even if Jinyoung was here and asked when his shift begins, it's only because to know when to avoid coming to the bar. Mark was sure that Jinyoung didn't want to see him. Why would he want to talk to him when he's angry? If Mark will visit him, he probably throw him out without a word. 

    "It's okay, Youngjae ah." Mark combed his hair with his hand, sighing. His hair still had a blond color, but dark roots were more visible.

    "It's not." Youngjae looked at him determined, which angered Mark a little. _Why is he so stubborn?!_  
  
    "Did you forget that I'm in love with him? Aren't you the same as Jaebum, not wanting me to destroy Jinyoung's relationship?" Mark asked a bit louder this time. He felt embarrassed for a moment; he didn't like to say that he's in love with him out loud. 

    "I want you to be happy. I want Jinyoung hyung to be happy too, because I feel he's not."  
  
    "What do you mean?" Mark asked, suddenly interested in what the younger had to say about this matter. Were his doubts similar to Jinyoung's mother ones?

    "Aish, I don't know... I feel like noona doesn't care about him at all. I wondered, why is Jinyoung hyung working here? He's busy enough at school, right? Even if he doesn't work, he still comes here and spends his time with us. This is not okay."  
   
    "Maybe... it's..." Mark wanted to find some explanation to this, but unfortunately his hopes grew. _Maybe Jinyoung doesn't really love her? Then why are they even getting married?_ Mark wondered.  
  
    "Hyung. Just talk to him." Youngjae said, when Jaebum came to the storage room abruptly, scaring them to death.  
  
    "Yah! I'm out for twenty minutes and you're procrastinating already?! Yugyeom is the only one who works here?! Get to work, guys!" Jaebum wanted to look angry, but failed. Youngjae cutely grabbed his bicep and squezzed it, saying _"I'm sorry hyung~"_ , which made Jaebum smile widely.  
  
    "Jaebum, I'm not feeling well. Can I go home earlier?" Mark said seriously, which caused a puzzled look from Youngjae. Jaebum looked at him closely with a worried expression.  
  
    "Yes, of course, rest well, I knew you were sick!"  
  
    "Thanks, then I'm going to change." he said, going into the locker room, winking to Youngjae over his shoulder. The younger immediately understood what was going on and mouthed to him: _"Fighting!"_. Mark decided to go to Jinyoung. Now.

 

    Mark was nervous. His conversation with Youngjae gave him some hope, not a lot, but enough to pull himself together and visit Jinyoung. He wanted to meet him so bad, but at the same time his desire to go back to the bar was almost as big. _What if the younger won't want to talk to him? What if he'll throw him out without words? What if Sora will open the door?_ He hadn't really thought it through before he came here. It was already late in the afternoon and the sun began to set behind the horizon. He stopped in his tracks and looked at the tall building of apartments standing before him. Mark felt his insides twist from nerves. He checked the address again on the paper which Jinyoung's mother gave him and sighed. It's here.

    The building wasn't the most modern one, but it wasn't old either. Standing on the hallway Mark decided to take the stairs, even if there was an elevator in the building. Jinyoung's flat was on 3th floor and he preferred to calm himself down a bit by walking up stairs. When he passed consecutive floors his nervousness seemed to grow and his hands started to sweat. Mark was startled to hear footsteps in the hallway. It was just an elderly woman, who looked at him with fear and left in a hurry. Mark must have looked quite strange having a hood on his head and lurking weirdly around the corner. 

    When he stood right in front of Jinyoung and Sora's doors, he felt his arms trembling. _Why are you so nervous? You'll just give him this freaking sweater and apologize quickly and it's done._ Mark tried to comfort himself, but he was so nervous that he almost couldn't breathe. _Maybe elevator would've been a better idea_ , he thought. His stamina wasn't too good lately. Mark pulled the hood down, fixed his hair a bit and exhaled one last time. With trembling hands, he knocked on the door. It felt like eternity waiting for someone to open the door. Mark wanted to run out of the building and give himself a pat on the shoulder for trying to make up with Jinyoung, but the doors opened a second before he actually did it.

    "Hyung? What... What are you doing here?" Jinyoung opened the door and Mark froze on the spot. The younger was probably taking shower a while before, because his hair was wet and his skin had a slightly pink color, from the heat, probably.   
  
    "I'm sorry, I know you're probably busy, but I wanted..." Mark couldn't concentrate and babbled while looking around nervously, waving his arms awkwardly.  
  
    "Come inside" Jinyoung cut his unfinished sentence and went into the flat. Mark followed him uncertainly.  
  
    "… Okay."  
 

    His apartment was spacious. At the entrance living room was visible and behind a partition wall made of glass was a large kitchen. The decor of the apartment was modern, the furniture had the color of dark oak and all walls were white and empty. With an exception of the clock, which hung in front of the entrance. The atmosphere of the flat was cold and without a soul, in Mark's opinion. It looked like someone just moved in; in one corner were even some boxes and bags. 

    Mark followed him to the kitchen, standing awkwardly a few feet from Jinyoung. The younger seemed to be a bit nervous too, avoiding Mark's gaze. Jinyoung was mad at him. Mark felt embarrassed instantly, remembering their last meeting.

    "Do you want something to drink?" Jinyoung asked suddenly.  
  
    "No, thanks... I wasn't going to come here, I know you're busy... but it's been a long time since you were in the bar, so..." Mark tried to explain himself, but suddenly realized that it wasn't a good excuse to come here. The sweater isn't important. He came here to apologize.   
  
    "Um, yeah, I'm pretty busy..." the younger said, touching the back of his neck awkwardly. The silence fell between them.  
  
    "Are you moving out?" Mark asked suddenly, surrendering to his curiosity.  
  
    "No, not me. Sora did... a while ago" Jinyoung sighed and leaned his back on the kitchen counter, resting his hands on it, nonchalantly. Mark felt that his heartbeat dangerously sped up. _Why did she move out?_  
  
    "Why?" He asked thoughtlessly, then quickly added. "Ah, sorry, I'm-" he stuttered and Jinyoung cut his sentence again.  
  
    "We argued." He replied honestly and his gaze fell on Mark "Why did you come?" Jinyoung asked with a soft tone, just like he wanted to be mad at Mark but had no strength. The younger's eyes were looking at Mark with unexplainable longing and his breath seemed to quicken. Mark gulped and instantly pulled the backpack from his shoulders and clumsily pulled out nicely folded Jinyoung's sweater out of it.

    "I just wanted to give you this…" he walked closer to the younger and handed him the garment.  
  
    "Thanks" Jinyoung reached for it, touching Mark's fingers in the process. The younger's face flushed as he put down the sweater on the kitchen counter which he just was leaning on. The silence fell between them again. Mark, unknowingly, came a bit closer to Jinyoung. He gulped and he thought that the nervousness of this situation will eat him alive.

    "Are you mad at me?" The elder asked quietly, just like he didn't want to interrupt the silence with his voice; just like he wasn't supposed to ask that. He was scared of the answer, but seeing Jinyoung so vulnerable gave him some confidence and he approached him closer.  
  
    "No... I'm mad at myself…" Jinyoung whispered, when the light of the setting sun shone through the kitchen window illuminating his face. Mark couldn't tear his eyes away, _Jinyoung was beautiful_. "I... didn't want to see you..." the younger added, his tone of voice was weak and quiet. He said it as if he didn't mean it at all. Mark knew it was over, there is no turning back; he officially can't stop loving him. Whatever everyone says, he can't.  
  
    Mark approached Jinyoung slowly, looking at his face intently. He was trembling and his heart thumped against his chest frantically. Jinyoung tried to lean more into the kitchen counter shyly, hiding his face, which was now slightly red. He tried to avoid Mark's stare, but when the elder was already a few centimeters in front of him, he raised his eyes to meet with the elder's ones. Mark couldn't think straight, even if he was completely sober in this situation. Seeing Jinyoung like this, wet hair, face flushed and smelling his scent of cologne made him lost his control. He reached for the younger's shirt and started to play with the hem of it. He wanted to try, to see how far he can go now. Even if Jinyoung will throw him out and won't talk to him ever again, he at least has to try to confess even if it's not a good time. 

    "I'm sorry" Mark said and leaned his face to Jinyoung's. Their lips met for a second in a quick kiss, which was only a touch, before Mark retreated back just a bit, still feeling Jinyoung's breath on his skin. He looked at Jinyoung's plump lips and seeing that the younger's not pushing him away like last time, caused his face burn and he wanted to continue. His heart was beating so fast that he was sure that being so close to him, Jinyoung can easily hear it. He couldn't care less. 

    Mark's eyes were dazed looking into Jinyoung's eyes filled with anticipation and nervousness at the same time. _Is it real?_ He was very nervous and the butterflies in his stomach made it worse. The elder decided to not wait for Jinyoung's move and continue. He grabbed Jinyoung's soft cheeks gently, but abruptly, causing the younger's eyes widen. His lips collided with Jinyoung's ones softly, slowly moving his mouth against Jinyoung's sensually, trying to taste every piece of it. When he slipped his tongue between Jinyoung's slightly open mouth, he felt the younger's hands on his waist, touching him hesitantly. By this gesture Mark felt goose bumps on his entire body.

    After a second he felt Jinyoung responding to his kiss, tangling his tongue with Mark's, wrapping his arms around the elder's neck tightly. Mark felt overwhelmed with emotions. He grabbed Jinyoung's hips, lifting him up slightly and laying him on the kitchen counter, without leaving the younger's lips even for a moment. He inserted himself between Jinyoung's legs, still touching the younger's hips gently, as he heard his quiet moan. It was too much for Mark. He felt like the blood rushed to his lower region instantly. He wanted Jinyoung. He wanted this moment to last. He couldn't think about anything else but Jinyoung; he wanted to touch him and kiss every part of his body, making him his. It was like the fulfillment of his dreams and he wanted more. Just like opening Pandora's Box, he couldn't be stopped now.

    He slipped his hands under Jinyoung's shirt, making the other shiver from the coldness of his hands. Their their tongues still wrestled with each other as Jinyoung's hands found their place in Mark's hair, brushing them slightly. Mark's hands roamed under Jinyoung's shirt, caressing his stomach with his long fingers and when he was closer to the lower part of his stomach, the younger wrapped his legs around Mark's waist.

    "Jinyoungie…" The elder whispered between their kisses. _He had to say it now._  "I was in love with you... since high school…" he confessed, nuzzling his head into Jinyoung's neck, placing open-mouthed kisses on his neck. Jinyoung seemed to freeze for a moment, gasping for air. 

    "I'm sorry…" he suddenly breathed out causing Mark to look at him, surprised. Jinyoung's eyes were dazed and his wet hair made him look really s exy. Mark captured his lips again, this time in more lustful way as Jinyoung loosened his legs' grip on Mark's hips. Mark didn't question it since the younger still was responding to his kisses. He grabbed the younger's butt cheeks with both hands, rubbing his clothed groin against Jinyoung's. He wanted him so bad. 

    Even if he confessed to him just now and didn't hear any reply about his feelings from the younger, seeing and feeling Jinyoung made him aroused even more. When he slipped his fingers into Jinyoung's sweatpants, inching closer to his groin, Jinyoung gasped.

    "No, hyung, no… I'm sorry" the younger slid down from the kitchen counter, leaving Mark confused and panting. He already had a problem in his pants. Jinyoung had problems breathing too and he tried to compose himself. Mark didn't want it to end. He wanted to ignore the younger's actions.

    "Why? Jinyoungie..." He approached Jinyoung again slowly, raising his hand to touch his cheek, unsuccessfully, because Jinyoung stepped back quickly. Jinyoung's expression was full of guilt and his eyes were glassy.   
  
    "I... I can't" 

    "what?"

    "I can't do this.. I'm still going to marry Sora... I love her" Jinyoung said, trying to convince himself more than Mark.  
  
    "What?" Mark couldn't believe his ears. He was still panting, but all arousal in his lower part was gone, just like that. "So what was that just now? Jinyoung? Didn't you want it too? What was that?!" He couldn't accept the information that even when Jinyoung was passionately responding to his kisses and was touching him, was still loving Sora.  
  
    "It didn't mean anything... hyung, I'm sorry, that you misunderstood..." Jinyoung said quietly, standing in the middle of the kitchen motionlessly with lowered head.     
  
    "What did you say?"  _So his confession also meant nothing?_ Mark was speechless. _Why did he come here?_ He forgot already. He felt the anger building in his stomach and bit his lip, trying to control it.

    "I just argued with her... it happens sometimes... and I was angry at her... I wanted to release my anger and... I'm sorry" Jinyoung's voice was quiet and nervous. All this what he was saying wasn't really convincing to Mark. He snorted bitterly. 

    "Jinyoung, are you serious?" He tried to understand Jinyoung's actions, he couldn't believe that he loved Sora; not after what he learned about their relationship from Jinyoung's mother and Youngjae. _How could he believe?_ Those kisses and touches which they shared just now were sincere, Mark knew. 

    "Yes, I'm serious, I'm sorry..." Jinyoung's eyes were turned to the floor "I feel bad... I hope we can forget about this..." Jinyoung stood beside the window, avoiding Mark's gaze. It angered Mark and he approached the younger, lifting his chin with his hand gently. He looked in his eyes, searching for the truth.  
  
    "Do you really want this? To forget?" Mark decided. It was the last chance. Jinyoung's eyes were shiny and when he looked at Mark, he gulped and nodded.

    "Yes."

Mark stormed out of the flat without a word, slamming the doors behind him. 


	13. Trying To Forget

    The sky was already gray and the sun hid behind the horizon when Mark ran out of the building where Jinyoung lives. He didn't stop even for a moment, he was so angry that he wanted to kick any trash can which he was passing. People on the street looked at him with pity, he ran with a wry expression, showing his anger and helplessness. Mark wanted to scream. He ran through the streets not caring about his exact destination. He got tired after a while and stopped in his tracks. He was panting, but he had enough strength to scream, gripping his hair angrily. He was hopeless. He couldn't believe what just happened. Jinyoung was responding to his kisses willingly, just to reject him after a moment. Mark was gasping for air when he heard Yugyeom's voice.

    "Hyung?!" The younger ran to him, looking at him with a worried expression "Weren't you supposed to go home?"  He touched his bicep, but Mark wriggled out of his touch, defensively. It wasn't a good time for a chat.

    "Shouldn't you be at work? I don't want to talk with you now" Mark replied curtly and turned his head away. Mark's voice sounded deep and dangerous, but Yugyeom didn't flinch.

    "We didn't have too much work and Jaebum hyung told us to go home." Yugyeom answered his question, totally ignoring the rest of Mark's sentence. "Hyung what happened?"

    "Yugyeom, leave me alone" Mark tried to walk away from him, he wasn't sure what he could do in wrath, but the younger was annoyingly stubborn and caught his bicep once again.

    "No, hyung, where were you just now?" He paused, looking around the neighborhood "At Jinyoung hyung's apartment?" 

    "I'm going" He pushed away the younger's hand, ignoring his question. Mark wasn't going to answer it. He was amazed by his perceptiveness. Yugyeom had really sharp eyes.

    "Wait, hyung… maybe we'll go to the club? I'm going there now..."

    "I told you already-" Mark wanted to decline the offer, but Yugyeom cut his sentence.

    "You'll feel better, I promise" The younger looked at him pleadingly and Mark suddenly thought that getting drunk and forget about everything would be a good idea. He hoped the alcohol could help him forget about everything, _about Jinyoung_.

    "Why are you so stubborn? Aish, you're annoying" Mark said with a slightly softer tone, still being irritated a bit by the younger's behavior. Yugyeom smiled widely, making his eyes disappear. "Let's go."

    "Okay~"

 

 

    When Yugyeom and Mark walked into the club, the crowd of people was already dancing to the aggressive electronic music on the dance floor. They were supposed to meet with Yugyeom's friends, but Mark didn't really care. He wanted to get drunk and forget about everything. About Jinyoung's flushed face, their kisses and sensual touches. Deep inside Mark knew that all this couldn't end with a happy end. But knowing that Sora moved out from their apartment and feeling Jinyoung responding to his kisses gave him a tiny bit of hope. He was angry and the worst was that he wanted to cry. Cry at his helplessness. _Why Jinyoung rejected him in the end?_ He was sure that the younger feels the same at that moment. The puzzle began to fit together and after a blink of an eye they crumbled into pieces again. Mark doesn't regret kissing him this time. He knew that being just friends with Jinyoung would lead him to the same results anyway. He was sure that he didn't want to watch the younger being happy with Sora, loving him from the distance. It was selfish, but he wanted to be selfish for once. He wanted to drink. 

    "Hyung, here" Yugyeom gave Mark a colorful drink. Mark couldn't wait and even though he really doesn't like the taste of alcohol, he gulped it all in one take. Yugyeom's eyes widened at the elders action and seeing his grossed out expression, he laughed.

    "Hyung, slow down a bit" the music was very intense and the lights were crazily dancing, blinking unbearably. Mark didn't like places like this. It was too crowded and the music was annoying. "Were you at Jinyoung hyung's place?" The younger asked suddenly with a loud and screeching voice in Mark's ear. The club was too loud to talk normally. Yugyeom looked at the elder, waiting for the answer, impatiently. Mark didn't want to talk about that matter so he remained silent. "So you were." he sighed and when he wanted to say something more, a few people came to their table. Three boys and one girl, Yugyeom's friends. They introduced themselves and sat next to them at the table, staring at Mark. He felt incredibly uncomfortable. He wanted to take a sip of his drink, but realized that his glass is empty.

    "So, this is the Mark hyung, about whom you always talk? Yugyeomie?" The red haired boy asked, moving his eyebrows teasingly, making Yugyeom's cheeks flushed. He hit his friend on the shoulder, what unfortunately didn't stop him from continuing. "He talks about you all the time, literally!" he turned to Mark and he looked at the younger with confusion. _Why would Yugyeom talk about him, anyway?_ He wondered.

    "I have to admit it, he has a pretty good taste." The girl said, smiling at Yugyeom who was blushing intensively now. Not only his face, but his ears were red too. Mark felt uneasy and decided to escape. He told the group that he was going to buy a drink, what made Yugyeom got up too and follow him.

  
    Mark stepped onto the platform where the bar was. It was surrounded by walls that protected the small place from loud and aggressive music. The music was still heard, however, it wasn't so loud. Mark ordered a drink and sat on the leather bar chair, waiting for the order.

    "Hyung, I would buy you a drink..." Yugyeom sat on the bar chair beside him with a pout on his face.

    "It's okay, I can buy it myself." Mark said, when the bartender gave him his drink. He decided to stay here in case he'll drink it fast so he can buy another one without moving his feet. He came here only to get drunk, anyway.

    "Mark hyung... You don't like me, right?" Yugyeom suddenly asked. Mark looked at him, surprised, feeling the previous drink making his head spin lightly. 

    "It's not that, I'm just stressed" Mark answered tracing his fingers on the edges of the glass. He felt his anger reduced a bit, making room for sadness and helplessness in his chest.

    "It's about Jinyoung hyung, right? I know you like him..." Yugyeom said bluntly, searching for Mark's eyes.  

    "How did you know?" Mark asked, astonished, fidgeting in the chair nervously. Yugyeom sighed. 

    "I heard your conversation with Youngjae earlier today... I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I just…"

    "Yes, that's true. It's because of Jinyoung, are you happy now?" Mark asked, turning his eyes on the drink. He raised the glass and with one swift move, he drank the whole capacity of it. He didn't really want to talk about it. Especially with Yugyeom. 

    "Did he reject you?" Yugyeom dragged the matter on, ignoring Mark's cold tone. 

    "Who said I was going to confess to him?" The situation annoyed Mark. There was nothing he could do with the fact that everyone already knew about his feelings for Jinyoung. _It was supposed to be a secret_. His emotions were now exposed for everyone to see. All thanks to drunk Jackson, who told Youngjae.

    "I mean… you were screaming in the middle of the street... I'm sure something big happened."

    "And what if I don't want to talk about this?" Mark asked the younger reproachfully, staring closely at his face.

    "It's okay," Yugyeom paused "I would treat you better than him… Mark hyung..." he added quietly, reaching out his hand to touch Mark's knee. Mark's eyes widened and pushed his hand away swiftly. 

    "What are you talking about?" 

    "I like you, hyung." Yugyeom said firmly, with a hint of embarrassment in his voice. Mark wasn't sure about what kind of _liking_  he was talking about, he didn't want to misinterpret anything.

    "Um, thanks, I like you too..." he said hesitantly, when the younger grabbed his hands abruptly, making him even more surprised.

    "No, I like you. I want to be with you, Mark hyung." Saying that Mark was shocked is an understatement. He didn't expect it at all. It's true, the younger often touched him and complimented him, but Mark would never think that it was because Yugyeom was in love with him. He thought the boy was just a fan of skinship. He suddenly felt awkward in his presence.

    "Yugyeom… I'm-"

    "Don't say anything. I can wait until you forget about Jinyoung hyung..." 

    "I want to be honest with you, Yug-" The younger suddenly kissed him violently, making Mark startled, almost dropping his glass on the floor. Yugyeom's hands grabbed the back of Mark's neck, making his lips collide with Mark's firmly. He was moving his mouth against Mark's impatiently and clumsily. Yugyeom's lips tasted differently than Jinyoung's, Mark noticed. _He liked Jinyoung's lips_. His memories of today's visit at his apartment came back to him like a boomerang and it made him angry again. He started responding to the kiss in angry manner, grabbing the front of the younger's shirt, gripping on it tightly. He intended to forget about Jinyoung and drown in Yugyeom's kiss. Fortunately, after a moment his common sense has returned, making him push the younger away from him, but Yugyeom didn't allow their lips to part. He wanted the kiss to last longer, so he used all his strength to press himself against Mark's lips again. 

    "Yugyeom, don't-" Mark pushed him roughly and looked at Yugyeom, bewildered. "I don't like you like that."

    "Hyung, I-"

    "I'm sorry, but I won't change my mind. I like you as a brother." Mark said uprightly, without any guilt in his voice, still trying to compose himself. He was sincere. Mark had Jinyoung before his eyes now and his skin burned, remembering his body against Mark's. The alcohol started to affect him. 

    "I know.. I thought that… maybe you'll..." Yugyeom said quietly, still with persistence in his voice. Like he still wanted to convince Mark to be with him.

    "I'm sorry" Mark felt he had to apologize. He knew somehow how it feels to be rejected. And it wasn't a good feeling.   

    "No, I'm sorry, hyung… when I first laid my eyes on you I fell in love… I don't know why I'm saying this but… I'm sorry." Yugyeom said embarrassing himself in front of Mark, he started to scratch the back of his neck and his face was red again.

    "I hope you'll find your true love... Because I'm not for you, Yugyeom-ah."

    "That's the worst thing you could say now, you know that, hyung?" Yugyeom said with a bitter smile on his face, trying to play the rejection cool. Just like nothing happened. 

    "I don't know what to say..." Mark answered honestly, because he never was in a situation like this. He might not be in a situation where he rejected a guy before, but he had rejected girls in the past. This time was different, Yugyeom was his friend. Mark couldn't believe that the younger was gay till now.

    "It's okay, I get it. I have to get drunk today. You're with me, hyung?" He smiled and Mark hoped that his rejection didn't affect the younger too much. He felt sorry towards Yugyeom, but he couldn't accept his feelings out of pity. He wanted to order another drink, when suddenly his phone went off. _It's Jaebum_. He wondered, _what would he want from him at this time?_ Mark told Yugyeom to come back to the table, and he decided to pick up the phone outside the club, where it was much quieter and calmer. He squirmed through the crowd of dancing people and finally went out. He managed to pick up the phone before it stopped ringing.

    "Hyung. Jinyoung's mom's state drastically worsened. Jinyoung called me just now. I thought you should know." Mark froze. Jaebum's voice was serious and upset, he was breathing heavily.  
   
    "What? Why?!" his breath stopped and the wave of cold sweat washed over him. _She was much better when he visited her last time! What could have happened?_

    "It was a heart attack, probably. She's alive, thank God. I closed the bar and I'm on my way to the hospital." Jaebum added, and there was nothing else to do now. He had to go, too.    

    "I'll be there too!" 


	14. In The Hospital

    After explaining to Yugyeom what happened and catching a taxi, Mark was hurriedly passing through the crowds of people in the hospital hallway. Getting such a news from Jaebum made him sober immediately and he couldn't think about anything else than to come to the hospital and check Mrs Park health. Jinyoung's mother was feeling better a few days ago when Mark was visiting her. He was close to her so he knew he should be here now. He didn't think about anything, adrenaline was leading him here without much thinking. Mark knew that everyone will be there, including Jinyoung of course. He wasn't sure what will he do, what will he tell him, but he was worried. He couldn't leave her like that after what she did to him. She understands him like a real mother should and he couldn't let her go. His own mother didn't care about him like Mrs Park. Mark's mother will be there too, probably, worrying over her best friend, but he couldn't care less.

    "Oh, Mark hyung, you're here! Let's go" he met Jaebum on his way to her room, but the younger grabbed his arm gently, leading him in an opposite direction. "She is in a coma and they took her to the intensive care." Jaebum sighed, speeding his pace. Mark was following him without a word. He was speechless. He thought about Jinyoung, how he was probably terrified now and need a shoulder to lean on, someone who can comfort him. Jinyoung doesn't need Mark. _He has Sora, right?_ Mark thought bitterly.    
  
    They walked through the long hallway till they finally reached their destination. Behind the glass wall of the ICU room, he saw Jinyoung sitting by his mother's bed with his head lying on the white linen, right at her hands. He was holding her right hand, kissing it from time to time, while she lay motionlessly, with eyes closed. Mark felt a pang in his heart and the tears was threatening to fall from his eyes. _He must be devastated_ , Mark thought and when he came up closer to the glass wall, he heard Sora's loud voice.

    "What are you doing here?!" she clearly was asking Mark, looking at him with an angry expression. She surprised Mark and he was confused seeing her behavior. Jaebum seemed to be genuinely surprised too. "I asked you who gave you the right to come here?! It's your fault that she's lying there!" The girl screamed, pointing her finger at Mark accusingly.  

    "What?!" Jaebum asked, seriously, swatting her hand from the elder's face. "Sora, what are you-"

    "It's because of you oppa is acting like that!" she shouted, her eyes still piercing Mark's angrily, ignoring Jaebum. Sora sprang up suddenly, grabbing Mark's jacket and tugging on it violently. Mark was too astonished to react, he had no idea what was her problem. It happened so fast that he couldn't even notice when Jaebum gently spurned her off him. She intended to hit Mark, trying to get out of the Jaebum's embrace, fidgeting nervously. She started crying after a second and Mark was speechless, he didn't understand what she was talking about. Knowing that Mrs Park lies in the ICU room because of him, seemed abstract to him.

    "What are you doing, Sora?! It's the hospital for God's sake!" Jinyoung walked out of the room probably because of the loud noises they were making on the hallway. He looked sternly at her and she cried harder. Seeing Jinyoung, Mark felt butterflies in his stomach, but after a while, they were replaced by sadness, noticing that the younger was avoiding his gaze.

    "It's because of him, oppa! Didn't you notice that when he came here everything is breaking down?!" She was sobbing, grabbing and shaking Jinyoung's shoulders helplessly. He bit his lips, trying to not burst with anger. 

    "What are you saying?!" Jinyoung said with furrowed brows, grabbing her shoulders and looking at her red face from crying.  
   
    "I'm right! I knew he will run after you everywhere! He's a fagot and he wants to take you from me!" The girl said lightly hitting his fiance's chest. Mark, hearing her sentence, immediately lowered his head. It's been a while since he heard someone calling him like that. It reminded him of what a failure he is. Jinyoung looked at her with scandalized expression on his face, barely controlling his anger.

    "Enough! Have some respect for my friends!" Jinyoung shouted, piercing his eyes into Sora's. Mark felt warmth at Jinyoung's word _friend_ , but at the same time it burned him, that after all, he can be only his _friend_.

    "I told your mother about us, that I moved out and that I hate you… because… I saw you two… kissing…" the girl said between her loud sobs, trying to catch her breath. Jinyoung looked at her with eyes widened and lips parted. Mark turned his gaze at Jinyoung nervously, but the younger still was ignoring him.

    "You... what?!" Jinyoung asked, in a slightly quieter tone, just like he wasn't sure he heard it right.

    "Kissing?!" Jaebum's eyes opened wide in surprise, looking at Mark and Jinyoung with disbelief. Mark wanted to run away. _How could she know? How could she see that?!_

    "I was going to get my purse from the apartment and… when I walked in I saw you... I was there only a second and it was too much for me!" She was clutching at Jinyoung's shirt and burying her face in it. "I was gone for only 10 minutes and he already managed to put his hands on you!" Jinyoung was confused for a moment, trying to sort things out in his head. Mark felt uneasy and embarrassed. It seems, they were too busy to hear the opening of the front door back then. Mark understood now. It was his fault, just like Sora said earlier. It was really his fault that his mother is here. After a while, Jinyoung pulled Sora from him, with a deadly serious expression on his face. 

    "Why did you tell her?! Didn't you know that she has a weak heart?! Why did you do that?!" Jinyoung looked like he wanted to cry, but anger was still evident on his features.

    "I'm sorry, oppa, I was so terrified that you'll leave me and I was so angry-" the girl started to explain herself, when Jinyoung cut her in the middle of a sentence. 

    "Still, you should think before you say anything!" 

    "Oppa..."  
   
    "Mr Park?" the doctor called Jinyoung, before clearing his throat. Jinyoung bowed politely and hurriedly followed him into his office, located a few steps away. The younger didn't look at Mark even once. He felt his heart breaking, it was too much for him. When Mark watched Jinyoung disappearing behind the doors of the doctor's office, he finally decided to speak. He felt anger and sadness... but what was eating him alive now was a sense of guilt.    

    "I'm sorry. I kissed Jinyoung but.. he rejected me." Mark said to Sora, nervously fidgeting with his fingers. Although his heart hurt him by telling her this, it was the truth. Jinyoung rejected him even though it seemed like he was reciprocating his feelings.  
  
    "Seriously?! Why would you think that he will accept you?!" Sora asked, bewildered. It was a good question. It seemed that Jinyoung's feelings were the same, but in the end, it turned out that he was wrong. Jaebum looked at Mark sadly, sighing and patting his shoulder reassuringly.  
  
    "I'm sorry. I'll go now." Mark said, turning around in the direction of the exit, when he felt a squeeze on his arm.  
  
    "Hyung." Jaebum handed him a bunch of keys, smiling gently. "Wait for me in the bar, okay?"

 

 

 

    It was past midnight, when Mark was sitting at the bar stool, sipping on a beer. He was waiting for Jaebum, just like he told him to. He knew that Jaebum isn't probably happy with what he heard. Mark was sure that the other will beat him up or something, because he was supposed to stay away from Jinyoung and his relationship. He couldn't stop blaming himself about Jinyoung's mother state, too. If he didn't come to him today, if he didn't start kissing and touching him it wouldn't happen. He wanted to disappear and never see them all again. But for now he didn't have the place to go, besides a Jackson's apartment. He decided that tomorrow he won't be working in the bar anymore. Jackson offered him a job in his father's company a while ago, even before he started working at the bar, but he declined back then. Now he knew he needed that. An escape.

    "You're here? Sorry, it's already late..." Jaebum approached Mark, taking off his jacket and hanging it on the wooden hanger.

    "How's Mrs Park?" Mark asked, because even though he was at the hospital, he didn't know anything about her state thanks Sora. Or more like thanks to his stupid hormones.

    "Her condition is stable. They put her into a pharmacological coma, her body will regenerate quicker that way..."

    "Thank god." Mark said with relief, sincerely. He heard Jaebum sigh, taking a beer for himself too from the small refrigerator under the bar.

    "I knew it would end like that…" He said, taking a seat on the stool beside Mark.

    "What?"

    "I knew that if you come back here, everything will turn upside down. Jinyoung, that pabo." Jaebum said with a smile. Mark didn't know if Jaebum was mad at him or it was good that he came back?

    "Why?" Mark asked, sincerely interested in what Jaebum had in mind, saying this. 

    "What happened today? Between you and Jinyoung?" Mark winced at his question and, honestly, he wanted to forget. He had no intentions of talking about it with Jaebum. "Tell me, honestly."

    "You already know what happened." Mark answered, gulping another sip of the beer. Jaebum turned to him, so that he was facing the elder now.

    "I wanted to hear the entire story from you, hyung." 

    "It doesn't matter anymore. I already forgot. Because Jinyoung asked me to." Mark was tired. This day seemed like a week. Trying to remember every event made his head hurt. Or was it the alcohol he drank earlier? Mark was lost in thought, gaping at the bottle of beer in his hands when Jaebum's voice interrupted his train of thought. 

    "That pabo. He makes the same mistakes over and over again. Shouldn't a person learn from mistakes, though?" Jaebum asked tiredly, then he added, looking intensively at Mark's face "Hyung, don't take him as an example. Don't make the same mistake. Don't run away." It was a while since he heard the serious Jaebum. _Was it in the high school? But what was he talking about?_

    "What?" 

    "I can't tell you anything, but… just don't run away from here. From Jinyoung." Jaebum was looking at him with sincerity in his eyes and Mark was confused. Jaebum was the one who didn't want Jinyoung near Mark at any costs.. _so what was that about?_

    "What made you suddenly change your mind? Didn't you want me to stay away from him?" Mark asked feeling more and more tired. Tired of today's events, tired of his life. Jaebum was surprised for a second hearing Mark's questions.

    "You weren't listening, anyway!" Jaebum laughed slightly "I just see what's happening and, you know, I draw conclusions."

    "Um, I wanted to tell you that... I'm leaving" Mark said quietly and even though Jaebum was saying all those weird things, Mark didn't want to see any of them. At least for now. He wanted to breathe.

    "What?! Why?" Jaebum grabbed his shoulders lightly, just to draw Mark's attention to him. Mark smiled guiltily.

    "I found a job." 

    "Aish... where?" The younger asked, defeated. He knew that this day will come when Mark will leave this place. But he wasn't prepared for this just now. 

    "At Jackson father's company. They need a manager and… he offered me, so…"

    "In Korea?" 

    "Well, yeah" Mark laughed, because where would it be? Jaebum sighed, relieved, grabbing his beer and taking a sip of it. 

    "Uh, that's okay then. It's better than leaving for the USA." Mark laughed again, hitting Jaebum slightly on the arm. 

    "What? I didn't ask for your permission, you know~" The elder decided that he should go, so he got up from the bar stool and looked around the place one last time. He knew, he will miss this place a lot, even though it wasn't long while he was working here. He grew up to love this place and the people working here, too. 

    "Will you visit us from time to time? You have to, you know. We're friends, remember?" Jaebum said, seeing Mark getting ready to leave. Mark thought about his question a bit, because he would like to visit sometime... but he wasn't sure if he wants to see Jinyoung. He was too in love with him for treating him like a friend only. 

    "Sometime… maybe" He answered hesitantly, grabbing his jacket and putting it on slowly.

    "Yah, I hope you don't blame yourself for his mom state because don't, Okay?" Jaebum suddenly asked, his smile fell.

    "How can I not? It was me who kissed him and… aish" Mark felt frustrated and embarrassed at the thought of what he did and what happened then. Jaebum shook his head at Mark's answer, getting up from the stool. 

    "Sora probably yelled at her in her anger. She is like that."   
.  
    "But, Jaebum, it has to be shocking for her. His mother asked me to be his friend and be there for him... and what did I do? A mother finding out about his engaged son kissing with another man… it had to be terrifying for her." Mark said, hiding his hands in his pockets. Jaebum came to him suddenly, grabbing his arm.

    "Mark hyung, it's not the case, for sure."

    "How can you be so sure?" Mark was confused. _What Jaebum knew, that he has guts to say things like that?_

    "I just am. Believe me." The younger answered with a with a mysterious smile. Mark didn't want to get his hope up about Jinyoung, he wanted to be free. He wanted to have peace of mind. He was tired of Jinyoung still appearing before his eyes all the time. Especially after today's visit at Jinyoung's apartment.

    "I'm going. It's late… I hope any taxis are available…" 

    "Okay. It was nice to work with you. I'll have to find someone now, huh..." Jaebum came up to Mark and shook his hand, saying goodbye. Mark smiled guiltily.

    "Sorry."

    "Don't be sorry, I'll just die here from overwork, no big deal" Jaebum said, leaning on the bar counter cooly. Mark laughed, zipping his jacket. 

    "Don't exaggerate, really, Jaebum ah. Youngjae and Yugyeom will help you" Mark said, and when Yugyeom's name came out through his mouth, he suddenly remembered his confession. He still felt a bit awkward about the younger confessing to him, but he couldn't help and wonder if Yugyeom is okay and didn't drunk too much after they separated. After a second, when he was ready to go, he waved to Jaebum. - I'm going. See you later! - The younger waved to him back, throwing a quick "Bye-bye", and when Mark was at the threshold of the door, he heard him calling out "Come by often!".


	15. One Step Back, Two Steps Forward

    Mark, being unemployed again, didn't budge out of the apartment for a few long days since he left the job in the bar. When Kunpimook and Jackson were at work, Mark lounged on the bed in his room all day every day and didn't do anything useful. He had no strength, and overall he didn't feel the need to go out and get some fresh air. The days were warm now and the sun was shining almost every day. There was no sign of passing Winter anymore. The trees were covered in leafs now, and Mark would be really happy about the spring if not for the recent events in his life. When Jackson found out what happened in the past few days to his best friend, he, along with Kunpimook, tried to invite him to go out to the club with them. Mark, of course, declined. His best friend kept saying that he knew that everything will end like that if Mark couldn't stop being clingy and immature. The elder snorted at that, because everyone knows that Jackson is the immature one here. Mark looked at the white ceiling in his room and sighed. He quietly regretted everything he has done, but since his and Jinyoung's kiss, he was accompanied by the feeling that it was all an understatement. He felt that Jinyoung is hiding something, something very important for him. Or he just wanted to believe in it with all his heart, that's why it seemed real to Mark.  
 

 

    In a few days Mark's laziness and sleeping until noon will come to an end, because Jackson promised that he make an appointment for Mark to a meeting with his father concerning a job. Jackson offered him a job in his father's company a few times before when he was unemployed, but it wasn't what Mark was looking for. He knew how to work in a corporation like this and he was aware of how stressful it is. He wanted to escape from life like that, so he always refused and tried to look for something else. Apparently, work at the bar seemed to him more interesting; the pay was much lower, but the atmosphere was friendly and fun. _And he was able to met Jinyoung a lot._ In the end, Mark himself asked Jackson if he would find him anything. His friend was more than happy to see Mark's changing views and choosing the best company possible - according to Jackson. Even if Mark didn't like a work environment like this and great stress wasn't his friend, being with Jackson and Kunpimook comforted him a little.  
 

    Standing from his bed in the late afternoon, in his stretched out clothes, pretending to be a pajamas and disheveled hairstyle, Mark felt the urge to go to the hospital to visit Jinyoung's mother. He wanted to visit her for some time now, but he held himself back, because he knew that he shouldn't interfere. Even though Jaebum said that night that it's not his fault, he knew better. _It was totally his fault._ Jaebum and Youngjae called him a day earlier, asking about his new job. His parents didn't seem to care about him at all. Sometimes he needed a shoulder to lean on, even if it doesn't seem so. He wanted to talk with someone too, and the only one person who could understand him was Mrs Park. He sighed as the memories of the last few weeks. _It was so easy at the beginning, his feelings were somewhat under control and now…_

    "Hyung, you're still lazing around?" Jackson came through the front door together with his secretary, attacking Mark, who stood in the hallway of the apartment. The elder ran a hand over his hair nonchalantly and sighed tiredly. _Jackson plays at his nerves recently,_ Mark thought.  

    "I'm not, I was working." he answered and walked into the kitchen, shuffling his slippers across the floor irritatingly with every step. Jackson winced at the sound and looked around the apartment.   
     
    "How? It doesn't seem like it, looking at the state this place is in." His best friend took his jacket and hung it on a kitchen chair, sitting down on it. Kunpimook, seeing it, shook his head helplessly.  
      
    "I'm not your maid. I'm paying you for a room here" Mark said honestly, "I was looking for an apartment all day, you know" He grabbed an apple and wiped it on a shirt, before biting it.  
      
    "Why? Don't you like living here?" Jackson asked naively with eyes widened, while Kunpimook sat across from him at the table, giving him a glass of water.     

    "I don't know, I'm just tired of sleeping with my earphones on. On almost full volume." Mark answered and looked at Jackson and Kunpimook with fake disgust. Jackson's face flushed immediately and he began to choke from a sip of water, which he took a moment ago. Kunpimook began patting his back gently with an innocent expression on his face.     

    "Earphones? Why, hyung?" He asked and Mark laughed seeing their facial expressions. "Oh, earphones..." After a second, the younger realized what it was about and his face turned red. But not as red as Jackson's, who was responsible for this. Mark, unfortunately, knew who's voice echoed throughout the apartment in the middle of the night. 

    "Well, um..." Jackson tried to explain, but suddenly his phone rang. It seemed that he tried to hide the screen, so that Mark wouldn't see who's calling. His friend laughed nervously before running out of the kitchen.  
  
    "Ah, my boss is calling again!" he shouted, disappearing behind the doors. Mark found his behavior really weird and knew something was wrong.

    "What was that? Who called him?" Mark asked Kunpimook and he shrugged his shoulders, looking everywhere but Mark's face. "I saw you clearly looking at the caller." Mark pushed the matter further, because something was seriously wrong. Jackson has never run like this when his father called. It was weird. His secretary seemed to know who was it, because he suddenly get nervous and followed after Jackson. Mark knew something's off.

 

 

 

    A few days later it was the day of the meeting with Jackson's father concerning the job offer. Jackson was excited the entire way to the company in the car and Kunpimook tried to calm him down from time to time, reminding him to watch on the road, not at Mark's new suit. Jackson teased him saying that he's jealous, but all Kunphimook could do was sigh at his behavior. It was a while since Mark was wearing the suit and he remembered his old jobs; stressful, nerve wracking and intense. He was always tired of dealing with rude and arrogant people, talking about money and social statuses.  
When they arrived in the parking lot, Mark was nervous. He still wasn't sure if he wants to work here, but seeing Jackson's smiling face reassured him that everything will be okay. He was supposed to go to the 24th floor, while Jackson with his secretary were heading to 19th. After his friends come off at their floor, they shouted to him _"Fighting!"_ with smiling faces and fists in the air. He wasn't sure if he really wanted that.

   After the meeting he was successfully an employer of Wang Publishing. Mark didn't have to say much to get this job. It was only a mere formality. He knew Jackson's father before and he didn't change at all. He always appeared to look like a very harsh and haughty person. In fact, when get to know better, he's still strict and calm, but he's a person who is trustworthy and who is devoted the family. He's an even-tempered person, unlike his son Jackson.  
  
   When he came out of the building, still dressed in an elegant suit, which will now be his everyday attire for work, he sighed. He learned that from tomorrow he will be working as a manager in one of the departments of the company. Mark has never worked in a publishing company, however, he'll take up the challenge. There's no other way. It will be a difficult period for him now, but life goes on.

 

     When Mark was going home, he decided to get out of the taxi a halfway earlier. He got out near the hospital, buying a bouquet of flowers in the nearby flower shop on the way. Jaebum called him yesterday, telling that Mrs Park woke up. He was prepared for the worst; she can yell at him or she wouldn't want to see him at all, but he was eager to explain everything to her. He was still in his suit and his hair was slightly ruffled because of today's wind, while he was walking around the hospital lobby trying to calm himself down and collect his thoughts. When he was ready, he passed through the long hallway reaching his destination. He stood in front of a glass wall, when suddenly the doors of her room opened. _It's Jinyoung_. His breath hitched in surprise and he felt butterflies in his stomach. It was a few days after their make out session and Jinyoung's lips seemed to linger on his. Jinyoung looked at him in amazement, staring at Mark intensely, swallowing hard. Mark felt his eyes measuring him from top to bottom, making Mark felt flurried. The younger stared at him for a moment longer, then cleared his throat and smiled shyly.  
  
    "Hyung... I'm glad that you come." he smiled slightly, while scratching the back of his neck awkwardly "My mom wanted to take a nap, but..."  
      
    "Okay then, I'll come later-" 

    "No, wait!" the younger suddenly said, almost grabbing Mark's hand, what made his face flushed immediately. "She probably isn't sleeping yet. You can visit her now. She actually asked about you a lot." he said, glancing at Mark shyly. The elder thought that Jinyoung is so charming and he wanted to hug him tightly and never let go, but he knew he shouldn't. The younger made everything difficult again for Mark, he wanted to organize his feelings. _But how can he do that when Jinyoung is preserving like now, while looking so handsome?_ Jinyoung was elegantly dressed; white button-up shirt with dark trousers, all perfectly tailored. His dark brown hair was raised slightly in front. Mark couldn't help but stare at him, while his heart was beating like crazy.  
      
    "Ah... Really? Oh..." Mark stammered, tearing his eyes away from Jinyoung. He couldn't believe that a few days ago, they were so close to each other, kissing on the kitchen counter in Jinyoung apartment. The mere thought was making Mark hot and nervous.

    "Why are you looking like that? I mean, I've never seen you in a suit" Jinyoung asked, slightly embarrassed, still touching the back of his neck. The atmosphere between them was very awkward.  
      
    "Ah... Today I had a job interview..." Mark answered, clutching a bouquet of flowers in his hand nervously.  
      
    "I see. How did it go?" Jinyoung asked another question, looking at Mark intensively. Mark felt overwhelmed and his heart couldn't stop its race. _He was so in love with him._  
  
    "It was good" Mark answered shortly and they stood, without talking for a while, feeling the atmosphere getting more awkward by every passing second. Jinyoung looked at the watch on his hand and suddenly jumped up.

    "I have to go now, I'll be late to work." He said, and Mark nodded with fake carelessness "See you later" Jinyoung smiled at him warmly, and Mark didn't want him to go yet. He wanted to look at him more; his eyes, thin lips, his smile... He didn't know when he'll see him again. _Maybe in a week, a month... never?_

 

     Mark turned around, looking at the disappearing figure of Jinyoung. He tried to calm down before he enters the room, because his heart was still beating like crazy, and his breathing was accelerated. He sighed. After knocking softly on the door a few times, he entered the hospital room. Jinyoung's mother opened her eyes slowly when Mark approached her bed. She immediately smiled widely, even though the tiredness was evident in her features.  
      
    "I thought that an angel came for me." She said jokingly, catching Mark's hand when he took a seat on the chair beside her bed.

    "Please, don't joke like that." Mark said seriously "How do you feel, Mrs Park?" 

    "Not too good, but I'm better now when you came. Jinyoungie was here a while ago. You would meet him..." 

    "Yes, I saw him" Mark said, looking at his hands, defeated. It felt awkward to him now, because Jinyoung's mother knows about everything what happened between him and her son. 

    "The situation is weird, isn't it? I know about all this…" Mrs Park started, when Mark cut her sentence before she said something what would make him feel worse.

    "I'm sorry, it was… I... I was rejected anyway, so..." Mark wanted to explain everything what happened between him and Jinyoung, but he couldn't find the right words. As always. His head was still lowered, when he felt Mrs Park's hands caressing his own. 

    "No, don't be sorry. You can do nothing about your feelings." She said sincerely and Mark raised his head to look at her. Her eyes were warm and honest. 

    "I'm sorry... You had to be shocked when Sora told you about it... They were arguing because of me." Mark said quietly, suddenly feeling embarrassed thinking about all this.

    "They argue on a daily basis. It was just… more intense." Mrs Park sighed, before continuing "I guess it had to be like that. Jinyoung needed a push."

    "A push?" Mark asked with interest, tilting his head to the side charmingly.  

    "As you know, Jinyoung was always a good boy, polite and all… although he had his moments of anger... and said something weird not once… he was obeying well."

    "As with school?" Mark asked, because he didn't understand where the conversation is going. Jinyoung's mother shook her head calmly, looking at Mark with a slight sadness in her eyes.

    "Well, I and his father didn't really intervene in his studies. He had always wanted to be a teacher, so good grades came to him naturally. But what I'm talking about is… after my husband's death, Jinyoung earnestly wanted to live like his father wanted him to live. My son wanted to show him through it, that he regrets everything he said and that he couldn't say goodbye to him." Mrs Park was talking, while Mark listened carefully. "I noticed that Jinyoung treated his life to be a tribute to him, to apologize to him for not behaving well when he lived." Mark felt a pang in his heart suddenly. He had so many questions, but he decided to listen. "I thought that he really liked Sora when I first saw them together. I was a bit shocked, but I felt calmer inside knowing that I will have a grandchildren.  I know it's silly, but every parent wants to be a grandparent someday." she giggled and after a second her smile fell again "...But lately I saw Jinyoung's face when he was with her. He looked helpless, like he had to live a life he didn't really want. I noticed only now, that he was just a corpse, without real feelings. How a mother may not see that her child is not happy? When you came back, I saw the old Jinyoungie. My son." Mrs Park looked at him with a warm smile, as if she really believed in what she said; that thanks to Mark Jinyoung is himself again. Her hands still held Mark's hand, from time to time rubbing it reassuringly. Mark couldn't understand what it all meant. He didn't think that his stay in the old neighborhood brought some benefits to anyone. His uncertainty was written on his face, because Mrs Park laughed sympathetically, poking his cheek. "Don't look at me like that! It's true! I know now, that he lived like that because of his late father. I feel bad for not seeing it earlier. He may be happy with his job... but with Sora... he wasn't himself. I'm really glad that you came here again, because of you I could see my son is back." Mark was speechless. All she said seemed to be an abstraction to him. _Does it all what she said is a reflection of Jinyoung's real feelings? Or is it just her suspicions?_ Because Mark wanted to believe that Jinyoung doesn't love Sora. He wanted Jinyoung to love him instead. Now, it was too late for any thoughts. In Mark's heart the seed of hope was sown. He wanted to avoid it. He just wanted to forget about Jinyoung so bad.

    "Talk with him for once. I would like to tell you everything but I know I shouldn't..." Jinyoung's mother said and looked at Mark. He was looking at her with a weak expression, like his soul left his body. His eyes were shining with unshed tears, when he asked:

    "Why are you like that?"  
  
    "I don't understand-"

    "Why are you always so nice to me... Why are you telling me this? Aren't you mad at me?"

    "No, sweetheart! Why would I be?" She asked with a softer voice, patting Mark's hair. She was smiling at him warmly, while he sat hunched in a chair, limply. _What if Mark has any chances with Jinyoung? What if this strange feeling of reciprocation his feelings when he kissed Jinyoung back then was true?_ And knowing that Mrs Park is still saying all these nice things to him even though she knows that he loves her son, makes him grateful yet uncertain. _What is this?_

    "It's just... I'm thankful for your kind words, Mrs Park... Even if there is no one who could understand me, you easily did."

    "Are you talking about your parents now? Believe me, I was going through the same thing as them. Everyone has to understand in their own way. If they care about you, they will understand and accept you." Jinyoung's mother said, while looking right trough Mark's eyes with a serious expression. Mark's eyes widened a bit and his heart suddenly started to beat two times faster. _What does she mean by that?_ Jinyoung doesn't have any siblings. _How can she go through the same thing...? Could it be that Jinyoung is... That the thing what he said to his father back then was that he is... he is..._  

    "What do you mean?" Mark's voice was a whisper now, thoughts and questions piled up in his head unbearably and he stubbornly tried to sort things out. Suddenly, he felt the urge to meet with Jinyoung. Seeing Mark's face, Mrs Park gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.

    "Oh, God, I said too much again!" 

    "Mrs Park, you're probably tired right? I should go now and let you rest comfortably..." Mark said politely, hurriedly standing up from his seat. He was nervous, and he had to compose himself with the help of fresh air, before he say something what he'll regret later.

    "Okay, sweetheart. But tell me how your job interview went?"

    "It went well. But how did you know?" Mark asked, taken aback a bit. She smiled.

    "Jinyoung told me. I mean, Jaebum did." she laughed and Mark smiled at that unknowingly. It seems that even though Jinyoung knew that Mark had a job interview today, he still pretended not to know about it when they met a while ago. Mark felt warm sensation in his chest, realizing that Jinyoung did that probably to have a chat with him. "Ah, your parents will be proud." Jinyoung's mom said and Mark's smile fell. He wasn't so sure about that, since they didn't contacted to him yet.   
  
    After saying goodbye to Mrs Park and bowing politely, he left the room. He loosened his tie and slowly headed home, breathing the warm spring air. He should talk to Jinyoung. But it's not so simple. All that he learned about Jinyoung today stirred his head very much, and even though he had hope in his heart because of it all, doubts were still there. 


	16. Attempts

    The next day was Mark's first day of work at Jackson father's company. He couldn't sleep at all at night because of the nervousness. He thought a lot about Jinyoung almost the entire night, too. Their conversation yesterday was really awkward and Mark wasn't surprised. How could they talk comfortably, when the last time they saw each other was in such an intimate situation. Even though, knowing a lot more about Jinyoung now and when his hope was so strong, he wanted to meet with him so bad.

    It was time for lunch. Mark went down on the 19th floor of the building, because he was supposed to meet with Kunpimook and Jackson and go grab something to eat outside. For the time being Mark calmed down a bit, because as it turned out, his work is not so terrible as he thought. He knew that it's just the beginning and there is not so much responsibility as manager for now, but he saw his future in this company in bright colors.

   Reaching Jackson's office, the door was ajar and his friend was sitting on a leather chair at his desk talking on the phone. He didn't want to eavesdrop, so he sat on the chair in small anteroom, but Jackson's voice was clear that Mark heard his conversation anyway.

    "Yes, yes. He works again... Recently he wanted to move out, but he can't find anything suitable…" Mark stood from the chair and furrowed his brows, _does he talk about me?_ He thought approaching the office "I'm sorry, but I'm not sure… yes, he's healthy. Of course, he eats well. I will, yes, just like always. Goodbye." When Jackson finished the conversation Mark was already standing in front of his desk with his arms folded on his chest and stamping his foot impatiently. Jackson turned in his chair, gasped dramatically as if he'd seen a ghost.  
      
    "Who was it?" Mark asked with eyes piercing Jackson's. His friend was a bit embarrassed and didn't know what to say. Mark caught him in the act. He stood up and walked over to the big window and tried to come up with an excuse, but he couldn't say anything because Mark continued quickly. "Jackson. Who was it? You talked about me, right?" Mark's voice was dangerous and he clearly started to lose his temper.

    "Yes, I did. Aish!" Jackson replied honestly, ruffling his hair frustratingly. "It was your mom." Mark's eyes widened as he approached Jackson with a confused expression on his face.  
  
    "What? Why would she call you?" he asked. It was really strange and unexpected.   
      
    "She calls me since you moved out of your parents house. She doesn't call often, but when she do, she asks a lot of questions -"  
      
    "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you hide that?" Mark asked accusingly, throwing his hands in the air. _Why would she call and ask about him?_ After all, his parents themselves threw him out of the house because they couldn't accept and understand him.

    "Man, they're worried about your well being. You should visit them, you know. They're your parents anyway." Jackson tried to convince him, but it only angered Mark a lot more.  
      
    "But they told me they don't consider me as their son! Did you forget? Why do you tell her everything?! Why do you even answer the phone from her?!" Mark was furious.   
      
    "Yah, how could I ignore it? Hyung, are you insane?" Jackson asked with disbelief, putting on his black jacket. Mark sighed and touched the bridge of his nose, trying to calm himself down.

    "What does she ask?" Mark asked with a quieter voice, closing his eyes for a short second.

    "Normal stuff… if you're healthy, how's your work and things like that." 

    "Why won't they call me instead?" Mark asked, slightly embarrassed, with hesitant voice and eyes on the floor.  
  
    "I don't know, man... Maybe they're just scared or something… you should talk to them sometime." Jackson replied with an uncertain smile, patting him lightly on the shoulder and then he headed outside the office. Mark sighed and followed after him.

 

 

     His first day at work was easy. Almost the whole day he was walking around the department with an assigned assistant who showed him everything. He got his own office, which was quite small but cozy. At the end of the working day he met with the CEO, who explained him all doubts concerning the work in the company. 

    It was already a late afternoon when he was supposed to go home, but he suddenly thought about his parents. _Maybe he really should visit them?_ He was still mad about the fact that his parents bother Jackosn on his behalf when his friend is a really busy person. But at the same time a pleasant warmth spread in his chest, knowing that his parents care about him. He smiled unknowingly, because _they're really worried about him._  

    

 

    Mark found himself in his old neighborhood without knowing. It wasn't like he was prepared beforehand what he'll say or do when he'll meet with his parents, but he was tired and he at least could try to show them that he misses them. Even if he still remember their words filled with hatred and disgust, he decided to listen to Jackson's advice. When he was at their house, he stood at the entrance and wasn't sure if he have to knock or just barge in like he always did. He may be still the same Mark, but the situation was different. He was nervous. _What if they'll yell at him?_  

    After a long exhale, he decided to knock and walked in. When he entered the hallway, he immediately smelled the sweet scent of baked cinnamon cookies and from the living room he could hear the sound of some action movie on TV. Mark leaned a little behind the shelf, that divided hallway and living room, seeing his father sitting on the sofa and watching TV, his back facing Mark. Mark suddenly felt nervous and wanted to run away, when his mom came out the kitchen, passing through a hallway in the direction of the living room. He gulped and his eyes widened in surprise. He felt anxious and didn't know what to expect. His mom looked at him with astonishment and her eyes filled with tears immediately. Mark couldn't even say _"Hello"_ , because her arms wrapped around him immediately, almost choking him.  
  
    "Mark... I'm so sorry... I'm glad you came..." She sobbed, her voice more dramatic by every passing second. His father looked around to see what is happening in the hallway from the living room. He stood up and approached them immediately, placing a hand on Mark's shoulder, squeezing it slightly.  
       
    "I'm sorry, son... I hope you'll forgive us" Mr Tuan said, while Mrs Tuan was still crying and saying some incoherent words. Mark smiled, embarrassed and wasn't sure what to say. He hadn't expected such a greeting.

    "Mom, dad… I -"   
      
    "We shouldn't have treated you as we did... We love you, and we still told you so many bad things. We were lost and this situation was new to us... We're really sorry, Mark" Hearing his father's voice, he felt a lump in his throat. He felt an incredible relief to see them now, accepting him. He had a hard time controlling his tears.  
  
    "Thank you -"  
  
    "Mark-ah, mom is so sorry..." His mother said, while releasing him from her embrace. "Can you stay for a while?" 

 

  
    They sat on the kitchen table, drinking tea and eating fresh cinnamon cookies. It seemed that Mark came just in time. He still couldn't believe this was actually happening. It was a while when he was here last time, and then the atmosphere wasn't that nice. Mark was sitting with his parents at the table saying nothing, when after a while his father broke the silence.  
      
    "Mark, I shouldn't say all those things back then. I didn't understand what you feel and I thought it was bad. I know I was wrong because whatever you are, Mark, you're still our precious son and we love you." Mr Tuan said firmly, with guilt evident in his voice. Mark didn't know what to expect from today's visit, but he was happy that he decided to come here. If he knew that it will end like this, he would have come here sooner, saving yourself the stress and loneliness. Remembering everything that happened in the last few weeks and knowing that his parents still care about him, Mark couldn't bear the tension. Feelings overwhelmed him and he immediately lowered his head and his eyes began to shed tears. His mother came up to him, noticing his tears and hugged him tightly. Her delicate hands stroked his hair soothingly and Mark felt like a small child again. He almost forgot how it feels like to be in her arms, feeling secure and safe.

    "How was your new job? I know from Jackson, that you are working with him now" Mark's mother said after a while, sitting back on her chair beside Mark.  
      
    "It was okay..." Mark said, sniffing and wiping his tear stained cheeks with his tie. His mother laughed at his gesture and gave him a handkerchief.   
      
    "As long as you're happy, son" his father said and Mark nodded shyly. He couldn't believe that it was all so easy. He just came here and everything is okay now. They talked for a while, and when Mark drank his tea, he decided to go home. His parents were saying their goodbyes as if he won't see their son again, hugging him and kissing his cheeks, which made Mark feel embarrassed, but incredibly happy. 

 

  
    Before he went to the bus stop he decided to visit his old school. He hoped that if everything is going well, he may want to try and meet with Jinyoung. He wasn't prepared for a conversation with him, but he decided that he could try and go with the flow. He hoped that he will meet him, because he missed him a lot. It was already past 6 pm and he wondered if Jinyoung will be still at school. If he won't meet him, he can always call him, right? He has Jinyoung's phone number, but he always preferred a talk face to face. And school field seemed to be a good place to talk without other people, especially at this hour. Mark walked slowly along the school gates, when in the distance, at the school entrance his eyes spotted Jinyoung.

    Even if he really hoped he'll meet him today, and he kind of expected to see him, Mark's heart stopped and his nervousness made him freeze in place seeing the familiar figure. The younger was standing among his students, mostly girls, joking and laughing with them. Jinyoung looked stunning, he was dressed elegantly but casually, dark fitted jeans with a light blue shirt. Mark noticed that two of his shirt's buttons were unbuttoned, showing a bit of his collarbones. The warm wind was blowing in his hair, revealing his forehead. Mark couldn't tear his eyes off him. He was a few meters away from him, but he still could see how his eyes crinkle from smiling and beside them appearing charming crow's feet. Mark smiled warmly, seeing it. He was sure that Jinyoung was popular, he was probably every teenage girl crush. _Having such a handsome teacher like him, have to be hard for them,_ Mark thought, smiling. Mark stood there for a while longer when he realized that he behaves like a creep, so he decided to postpone this conversation for another day. He didn't want to squeeze through the crowd of students to talk to him.

Or he just looked for an excuse, because he wasn't brave enough to approach him. 


	17. Intoxicated

   A few days later, on Friday, Mark was forced to stay in work overtime. He had a lot of work, which he couldn't complete in his working hours. Mark had a lot of new responsibilities being the manager of the department now and he had a hard time to finish all the tasks given to him. His duties in the company were new for him; he worked here for only a few days only and it was too early for him to get used to it yet.

    Mark planned to visit his parents soon, but lately he has been really busy, so he had no time for it. He still couldn't believe that his parents accepted him and they declared to support him, even though Mark knew they have a hard time understanding him. They're trying at least and Mark was thankful. He also wanted to visit Mrs Park, but when his mother called him yesterday, Mark learned that she feels a lot better now and she will be discharged from the hospital in a few days. Her leg was still weak and she has to walk with crutches, but her heart was a lot better. 

    It's been a long time since Mark been in Jaebum's bar. The last time he was there was when he left the job. Despite this, Mark contacts with Jaebum and Youngjae by phone. Yugyeom haven't contacted him yet, and Mark can understand him. He still felt bad about rejecting the younger's feelings for him and he could understand if Yugyeom wouldn't want to be his friend anymore. He can imagine what Yugyeom feels, because he feels the same for Jinyoung. He wouldn't want to be his friend after all that happened between them, even if it wasn't anything deep. Mark knew the taste of Jinyoung's lips already and how smooth the younger's skin is under his fingertips. It was too much knowledge for Mark to treat Jinyoung only as a friend. Mark was missing Jinyoung so much. He wanted to see him again and talk with him already. He wanted to dispel all his doubts about the younger. The last conversation with Jinyoung's mother brought his hopes up to such extent that in Mark's stomach the butterflies were dancing crazily only thinking about Jinyoung. Mark wondered _is there any chances that Jinyoung can be gay?_ He didn't ask his mother about it directly, but he wanted answers so bad.

    When Mark completed all his tasks and settled all the reports and documents, it was already 9 pm. He packed his things and locked everything safely, sighing tiredly. He didn't want to go home yet. It was Friday and he felt like he wants to go to the bar and drink a beer or two. He feels stressed out more often, and even if his coworkers are very friendly, the work itself was still a challenge for him. He needs a trip to the bar, to relieve stress and tension. _And meeting Jinyoung there would be another advantage of it, right?_ When he came out of the company building, the street-adjacent lamps glowed brightly, illuminating sidewalks on which people were strolling around. The weather was so nice that Mark dressed in a suit wasn't freezing at all. He turned his steps towards the bus stop, when his phone rang. He lazily pulled his phone from his pocket after loosing his tie a little. He smiled, looking at the caller id - it was Jaebum. _Maybe he will go to the bar for a one beer anyway?_

    "Hyung, what are you doing now?" Jaebum's voice was vague, because of the sound of loud conversations and band music in the background. 

    "I just finished work, why?" Mark asked, unbuttoning one button of his white shirt.

    "Oh, really? Um, because… Youngjae..." 

    "What?"  Mark asked, frowning. He blocked the other ear with his hand, trying to listen to his voice and hear him more clearly. "What about Youngjae?"

    "He… he needs your help, hyung." Jaebum's voice was uncertain.   
   
    "What? What happened?"

    "You know… he has some love problems and he is so drunk that he can't even walk… that punk." Jaebum answered and Mark could hear the worry in his voice. The younger was like an older brother to Youngjae, so he naturally cared about him a lot.

    "Oh? But how can I help him?" Mark asked, being more and more confused. He heard Jaebum's nervous laughter in the handset.  
   
    "I was thinking if you could come here and drive him home? He has an important exam tomorrow and I'm worried that he won't wake up if he'll stay here longer"

    "But, Jaebum, I don't have a car yet-"

    "I know, I'll give you mine! Sorry for bothering, hyung, really. I can't take him home now and Yugyeom doesn't have a license… We have a lot of work tonight… hyung, if you could..." 

    "Yeah, okay. It's not that far from here, so I'll be there in... 10 minutes at most." Mark answered with a slight smile, turning in the direction of the bar, accelerating the pace immediately. It wasn't a problem for Mark, because when his friends are in need, he's all in. Mark was a loyal friend. 

    "Really?" Jaebum gasped "Hyung, you're the best! I'm really sorry, you're probably tired-"

    "No, it's okay. I wanted to come anyway" Mark cut his sentence laughing slightly. He could be tired, but he couldn't imagine refusing to help. Apart from that, there is the possibility that he'll meet Jinyoung there, right?

    "Okay!" 

 

 

 

    Mark reached the bar in the said 10 minutes. At the entrance to the bar was a lot of people and the music brutally pierced through the door of the bar, fanning out on the street. He squirmed through the crowd of people, entering the bar, where the music was loud and the lights were dimmed, flashing in different colors. To get to the bar, Mark had to squeeze himself between people, while apologizing here and there. He had to be careful no one poured out any drink at his new suit. In the bar was currently resounding a rock song which made people jump to the rhythm by the scene and singing the lyrics loudly, almost shouting over the instruments. Mark turned to the bar, where he saw Yugyeom and Jaebum, who were busy giving drinks and beer to customers. The elder waved his hand to greet them as they both immediately nodded at him, greeting him. Yugyeom looked abashed, but he seemed to try to hide it, by not looking at Mark at all. However, the elder noticed his reddened cheeks, which made him feel a bit uncomfortable and sorry. Jaebum came to him suddenly, saying that Youngjae is in the locker room, making Mark nod and immediately head into the back room.

    Mark went to the back of the bar and opened the door to the locker room where he noticed two people there. He walked closer to them with curiosity, when he saw Youngjae leaning over Jinyoung, who was sitting on the bench. Youngjae was giving him a glass of water, which Jinyoung tried to catch clumsily, spilling the entire contents onto the floor. Mark felt his entire body tense when he realized that the one drunk here wasn't Youngjae, but Jinyoung. He was very drunk, judging by his tired facial expression, incomprehensible mumbling and clumsy movements. He probably couldn't even stand on his own. Mark stood there for a while, watching the situation before his eyes bewildered, trying so hard to not lose himself, when Youngjae noticed him standing by the door and clinging to him immediately.

    "Hyung! You're here! Please take him home, I have work to do, he's so annoying when drunk!" Youngjae said pleadingly, hanging on his shoulder. 

    "Yah... I'm your hyung! have... some respect... kiddo" Jinyoung's voice was loud and hardly understandable. He was leaning on the wall faintly, trying to keep his head straight with a great difficulty, blinking slowly. 

    "I heard that it was you who was drunk" Mark said to Youngjae, who looked at him with a surprised expression.

    "Me? No, I don't drink that much. Well, Jinyoung-hyung doesn't either…" Youngjae said quietly, reaching for a rag and started to wipe spilled water on the floor. Mark looked worriedly at Jinyoung, he looked hopeless. He had a slightly disheveled hair and his cheeks were pink from too much amount of alcohol. Mark wondered what made him drink so much. Youngjae suddenly turned to Jinyoung, "Hyung, Mark hyung is here to take you home, okay?"

    "...Mark?" Jinyoung opened his eyes and looked at Mark instantly. He blinked several times, as if in disbelief that the elder is really standing there. He pouted and suddenly covered his face with his hands with embarrassment, groaning drunkenly. Mark smiled seeing Jinyoung in such a condition; it was the first time Mark had seen him drunk. Jinyoung was cute.

    "Mark hyung, here's the keys to Jinyoung's car" Mark heard Jaebum's voice behind his back, what made him turn around to him. Jaebum gave him the car keys, smiling at him widely.

    "What is this, Jaebum?" Mark asked seriously, he didn't know what Jaebum was thinking, playing with him like that. He wasn't mad at him (quite the contrary), but he would like to know the truth from the beggining.

    "I'm sorry, hyung, but I was afraid you wouldn't come if I tell you the truth" Jaebum smiled at him apologetically. Mark felt embarrassed, because it wasn't true. He would come even more eagerly if he knew in what state Jinyoung is in. But still, one thing what interested him the most was why Jaebum called Mark to come and get him? What about Sora?

    "Where's Sora? Shouldn't she come for his fiance?" Mark asked with a hint of unintentional jealousy. She was his future wife anyway...

    "They broke up a while ago." Jaebum answered shortly, sending a knowing smile to Mark. He felt his cheeks burn immediately and his stomach tighten with nervousness. So it was the reason Jinyoung was so drunk? "Youngjae, let's go to work, Yugyeom is probably terrfied. Hyung, thanks for help!" They dissapeared behind the door quickly, leaving Mark with half-sleeping Jinyoung. He gulped, approaching the younger.

 

 

    Mark was carrying Jinyoung on his back to the car, feeling the younger fidgeting a bit. Mark felt nervous carrying him on his back, the feeling of his body pressed on his back quickened his heartbeat. Mark wanted to meet Jinyoung today, but he wanted to talk with him and in the state the younger currently was in, it wasn't possible. 

    When he reached Jinyoung's car, he was trying to open the doors to the passenger seat of the black bmw with one hand, still having Jinyoung on his back. Suddenly he felt Jinyoung's arms tighten around his neck, feeling his chest tighten nervously. He felt the younger's every movement and every breath reflected on the back of his neck, sending shivers down his spine. When the younger stopped fidgeting and his breath was peaceful and almost soundless, Mark was sure that he fell asleep.  After opening the car door's he laid him on the back seat of his car gently, covering him with his jacket. Jinyoung frowned slightly in his sleep, mumbling drunkenly and covering himself with his jacket up under his nose. Mark watched him for a while, before leaning in and caressing his cheek lovingly with a fond smile on his face. Jinyoung was beautiful. 

    It wasn't far, but Jinyoung slept all the way through. When Mark parked the car in the parking lot by Jinyoung's apartment, he was forced to wake the younger up. _Maybe he sobered up a little already?_  

    "Jinyoung," Mark patted the younger's shoulder lightly, waking him up. Jinyoung slowly opened his eyes, blinking lazily and he looked drunk as hell. His cheeks were still pink and his eyes were shiny and half closed. "Jinyoung ah get on my back, ok? I have to take you home" the elder said, turning his back at him, inserting Jinyoung's arms around his neck. Jinyoung nodded slowly, rising from his seat and getting on his back clumsily, helping Mark to carry him to the apartment. The elder felt his embrace around him tighter, feeling a warm sensation of his cheek touching his skin between Mark's neck and shoulder. He had goosebumps again, feeling the younger's closeness.

    All the way to the apartment, they were quiet, only Jinyoung's breathing and sound of Mark's frantically beating heart was heard. Even though Jinyoung was drunk as hell, Mark still felt nervous around him. It was Jinyoung anyway. Mark wanted Jinyoung to embrace him like that forever, it felt too good to Mark. Walking into his apartment, he laid Jinyoung on his bed in a large bedroom. In the room was only a big wardrobe and a bed with a few colorful pillows on it. Mark pulled off his shoes and unbuttoned two buttons of his shirt with slightly trembling hands, gulping nervously. Weird thoughts started to pile up in his mind as his fingerprints ghosted on his neck and collarbones. Mark's body suddenly felt hot and excited as he leaned forward and sniffled the younger scent. He smelled a bit of alcohol, but more evident was the scent of his cologne. The younger was still sleeping, when Mark looked at his face up close. Jinyoung had long eyelashes and his skin was fair and smooth, painted a faint shade of pink on his cheeks. His lips were plump and slightly parted, and Mark knew he should go by now. He wasn't sure about what would he be capable of if he'll stay with him longer. He decided that he'll steal just one kiss from him goodbye. Jinyoung's lips were too inviting and Mark couldn't help himself but lean forward almost locking his own lips with the younger's, when he heard Jinyoung's quiet voice.

    "Mark…" Mark looked at him wide eyed, but Jinyoung's eyes were still closed. Maybe he was dreaming? Mark suddenly felt embarrassed about what he was about to do. Jinyoung is drunk and he wanted to kiss him without his permission. It's not like Mark ever asked him for an any kiss they've had in the first place, but when the reality stormed in, he felt like a pervert. Mark touched the bridge of his nose, composing himself a bit. Jinyoung was still sleeping, fortunately. The elder wanted to know why Jinyoung drank so much? Was it because of him breaking up with Sora? He could be heartbroken because of her. Mark stood up sighing, when he felt Jinyoung's hand brush on his arm. He looked at him, bewildered, when Jinyoung was still mumbling. "Hyung..." hearing Jinyoung's breathy and whiny voice, made his stomach tighten. Even though he wanted to stay with him here and lay beside him, wrapping his arms around him so badly, he couldn't. He knew he should talk with the younger when he's sober.

    "Hyung... don't.." Jinyoung suddenly said making Mark turn around and look at him. His eyes were half open and he was breathing deeply and tiredly. Mark unknowingly sat on the edge of the bed and Jinyoung's warm hand grabbed his hand instantly, squeezing it slightly. Jinyoung tried to get up and arrange himself on the bed in a sitting position, but after a second he lay down again, hissing and grabbing his head with the other hand. His face contorted in pain and eyes closed tightly. Mark looked at him with compassion..

    "Just lie down. Don't sit." He said, feeling Jinyoung's grip tighten on his hand. In Mark's chest spread a warm feeling.

    "Hyung… why…" Jinyoung's voice was barely audible and his eyes were looking at him, stunned. Mark noticed that his eyes were wet and shiny and he felt a pang in his heart. He knew it's  probably only alcohol, but he didn't a want to see crying Jinyoung. "I'm... Sorry, hyung..."

    "Jinyoung ah, just sleep" Mark wanted to leave before he do something he would regret later, but before he could stand up from the bed, Jinyoung groaned, getting up in a sitting position stubbornly. He leaned his head on the elder's shoulder with a slight thud, making Mark stay in place. Jinyoung sighed, leaning against him weakly. Mark was sitting like a statue frozen by his sudden act, feeling his shoulder burn from the touch. He wanted to wrap his hands around the younger so much. 

    "Hyung… I didn't want. .. I wanted to be normal" Jinyoung's was mumbling, but his voice was wavering, just like he tried to fight down a sob. Mark grabbed Jinyoung shoulders firmly and looked in his eyes, searching for an explanation. He didn't understand what Jinyoung was talking about, but he could guess. Was it about his orientation? He felt his heart start to beat faster again. Seeing a single tear escaping Jinyiung's eye made him tremble, and a wave of protectiveness washed over him.

    "Jinyoung... what are you saying?" he asked, not expecting an answer from him. He tried to look in Jinyoung's eyes, but he suddenly lowered his head and heard his breathe quicken and hitch. When Mark loosened his hold on Jinyoung's shoulders the younger fell in his arms limply, hiding his head in the crook of his neck and wrapping his arms weakly around the elder waist. Mark gasped quietly, feeling Jinyoung's breath and warm tears on his skin. The elder embraced him tightly without words, caressing Jinyoung's back comfortingly. 

    "My father hated me…" Jinyoung's wavering voice echoed through the room, as his body shook slightly. Marks eyes widened, because he had never talked about this matter with him yet. "I let you go… hyung-" 

    "Jinyoung, calm down" Mark stomach fell, hearing Jinyoung's voice and his heavy breathing. He didn't want to talk about that now, he was worried. "You should sleep now-"

    "No, hyung... everything" Jinyoung was stubborn and he pulled himself off Marks embrace to look at his face. Mark saw Jinyoung's red face and his lopsided lips "Hyung, I..." Mark listened carefully, interested in what the younger wanted to say. Jinyoung sniffled, breathing heavily "I... don't go..."

    "Okay, I'll stay" Mark said warmly, visibly calming down the younger. He looked at Jinyoung with a smile which seems to daze the younger for a while. He raised his hand to touch Mark's cheek, unsteadily,  still looking into his eyes. Mark placed his own hand on the younger's hand caressing it slowly, drowning in his wet and shiny eyes.

    "Hyung… I missed you..." the younger said, placing the other hand on his cheek, looking at his lips intently with half opened eyes. Mark couldn't believe in what he heard, and even if he heard it from him before, now it took a more importance for him. Jinyoung looked like he wanted to kiss him, putting his hands on his cheeks and licking lips looking at Mark's intently. Mark felt nervous and excited at the same time. 

    "I missed you, too, Jinyoungie" Mark said, and decided not to wait for Jinyoung's next move and lean closer, but when between them a centimeter of air was left, Jinyoung fell on Mark's chest again, snoring quietly. The elder laughed internally, because Jinyoung had to be really tired. Even though he felt sad that they haven't kissed, he was glad that Jinyoung asked him to stay. He lied Jinyoung gently on the bed again, fixing his pillow and covering him with a blanket. He looked at him for a while with a warm smile before planting a kiss on his slightly parted lips. It lasted a while and when Mark pulled out, he caressed his cheek fondly, smiling at him. Mark has to thank Jaebum later for luring him to the bar cunningly. Before Mark took off his tie and shoes and lay in the bed beside Jinyong, he placed a glass of water on a small stand close his bed. He looked at Jinyoung's sleeping face and laid down beside him, wrapping his arms around the younger, bringing him in a warm and secure embrace. He still couldn't believe what was happening. Hearing Jinyoung mumble something incoherent in his sleep, made him smile. He removed a strand of hair from his forehead, tracing a finger on his face features. It was the first time when he saw Jinyoung so drunk. Drunk Jinyoung was cute. He loved him so much. Mark decided; whatever happens Mark has no intention of giving Jinyoung up. He won't give up.


	18. Kind of Perfect

    Mark woke up next to Jinyoung in his bed, who was wrapped in a linen, his back facing Mark. He was sure the younger is still asleep, judging by his soundless breath, which caused his chest rose and fell peacefully. Mark sat on the bed, leaning forward and looking at his face. He smiled and the butterflies filled his stomach suddenly, remembering the last evening happenings. Seeing his face from up close, his closed eyes and parted lips, spread a warm feeling in his chest. 

    He planned to talk with Jinyoung yesterday about what he had learned and what happened between them straight up to his face, but he had no intentions of waking the younger up today. He still wasn't sure about Jinyoung's feelings, even though he told him that he missed him a few times and asked him to stay. _It doesn't mean anything, right?_ He hoped for Jinyoung to make a move and explain himself, but Mark wasn't a patient person and he wasn't sure if he can endure the tension accumulating in his whole body a bit longer.

    It was already 10 in the morning when Mark decided to get up and go home. Although _drunk_ Jinyoung told him to stay last night, now, being here in unfamiliar place made him feel like an intruder. _What if Jinyoung doesn't remember anything from last night? What if he'll wake up and scream or something?_ Well, Mark knew it wouldn't happen, but Jinyoung could think of him as some pervert seeing him sleeping with him on his bed, being aware of Mark's feelings. He wanted to save himself and Jinyoung the embarrassment at all cost.

    Mark stood up from the bed slowly, just like he was still hoping for Jinyoung to wake up. He had mixed feelings, he wanted to escape from his apartment without dealing with Jinyoung, but he also hoped for him to wake up and explain everything. The elder heard the birds singing outside the window and looked out from behind the curtain, letting into the room thin streak of sunlight. The sun was shining brightly and it seemed that it's warm outside. He smiled. Spring finally arrived.  
   
    Mark buttoned the undone buttons of his rumpled shirt and tried to smooth it with his hands, but nothing could be done with it. He grabbed the tie from the cabinet, pressing it into his pants pocket stubbornly. There is no need to wear it; he looked messy enough already to care. Coming out of the room as quietly as he could, once again Mark stole a longing glance at Jinyoung - his position hasn't changed and was still asleep, snoring quietly.  
 

    Before leaving the apartment, he decided to go to the bathroom at the end of the short hallway. After washing hands in a small sink, he looked at himself in the mirror. He sighed, seeing his disheveled hair and combed them a little with a hand. _How could he bring himself to such a state, only sleeping?_ He hoped that Jinyoung will be awake when he'll go out.

    But he still wasn't awake. Mark tried to extend his stay in his apartment unknowingly, this time coming into the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of water. When he felt the coldness of the liquid, drinking it slowly and letting it spreading over his tongue and teeth, he began to think. Jaebum told him yesterday, that Jinyoung and Sora broke up. Mark couldn't cope with the annoying thoughts in his head; Jinyoung was drunk, because he was heartbroken. His heart stung unpleasantly at the thought of it. Mark threw his jacket on himself and gazed toward the bedroom doors, longingly. Being unable to talk to Jinyoung and having to left the place without a word, made him sigh with resignation. Mark automatically assumed that if he come out now from his apartment and Jinyoung won't speak to him, that means, he doesn't remember anything and that all of this didn't matter for the younger. But still, the thought of spending the night with Jinyoung, having him in his arms caused a warm smile on his face. He almost grabbed the doorknob on the front doors, when he heard the sound of doors opening. The sound of bare feet on the floor, quickly walking behind him made him turn his head around.

    "Hyung, are you here?" Jinyoung asked with a slightly hoarse voice, looking at Mark. He was ashamed suddenly, because he felt like an intruder in his home. Jinyoung's tone of voice was warm and careful, but Mark hadn't thought much about it a moment, because he stared at him in awe. In his chest spread the pleasant warmth, seeing his tousled hair, his sparkling eyes and open shirt showing pale collarbones. Mark swallowed hard before answering.

    "Um, I'm leaving just now-"

    "Have you eaten?" Jinyoung asked quickly, while Mark's back was still facing him and his head was only slightly turned in his direction. 

    "No... I'm going now, I'm sorry for the intrusion" and when he grabbed the doorknob abruptly, Mark felt Jinyoung's hands holding the hem of the back of his jacket. He froze immediately when after a second Jinyoung's forehead fell on his shoulder blade gently. Mark's eyes widened and he couldn't move an inch. He stood, surprised at Jinyoung behavior, as his heart started to pound quickly, making his breath quicken. 

    "Don't go." Jinyoung whispered quietly "I'm sorry for yesterday… I wanted to talk with you but... I was too drunk" he said as Mark's hand was still on the doorknob. The elder tried to compose himself, because he felt like he'll faint at any moment. He didn't expect this. _Was Jinyoung still drunk?_ He cleared his throat and said quietly, not breaking the calm atmosphere.

    "It's... No problem." Mark planned to talk with Jinyoung honestly, but now when the younger is here, so close to him that he could smell his scent, Mark couldn't utter a simple sentence because of the nervousness.

    "Hyung... Stay." Jinyoung stood with his head still on his shoulder blades, breathing heavily. Mark heard the trace of nervousness in his voice and it made his stomach tense in anticipation of what Jinyoung will do next. "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about everything… if I knew your feelings from the start it wouldn't be so hard for me.... and I wouldn't hurt you and myself so much" Jinyoung mumbled as his shaky hands were still holding the hems of Mark's jacket. "I... I thought I was weird and that it will pass. I didn't want to tell you about my feelings... I was scared. That's why I was dating girls… I didn't like them as I liked you but… it was normal to be with them" Mark's eyes widened and his lips parted with surprise and astonishment. He held the urge to turn around and embrace the younger, _how did he do that? He just said that he liked him for God's sake!_ He wanted to know more. He wanted to know everything. "I proposed to Sora, because I thought that if I'll get married nothing will destroy it and even though I wasn't happy… it was how it should be." At this point, Mark couldn't hold his hands still anymore. He grabbed Jinyoung's hands from behind and squeezed them tightly, trying to not turn around, what might scare off the younger and stop his monologue.

    "Jinyoung-"

    "I invited you… because I wanted to prove myself that it passed. That phase. That my feelings for you were nothing... But... When I saw you again..." Hearing everything what Jinyoung was saying, made his guts tighten. His legs were wobbly, he felt hot inside and he couldn't breathe suddenly. He was overwhelmed with emotions at what Jinyoung was about to say and turned around abruptly, looking intently into Jinyoung's eyes. Jinyoung breath hitched at the elders movement and after gulping, he breathed out "Hyung, I'm sorry for everything... but I love you" 

    Mark grabbed his cheeks and collided his lips with Jinyoung's suddenly, moving them and slipping his tongue into his mouth, swirling it around Jinyoung's tongue, trying to taste every corner of his mouth. Jinyoung's eyes were closed tightly and he didn't hesitate to return the kiss, grabbing Mark's neck and tilting his head to the side to deepen the kiss. Mark's hands left Jinyoung's face and slipped down, ghosting over his shirt on his torso and onto his waist, wrapping them around the younger, closing their distance completely. Mark felt excited and aroused suddenly, feeling the blood rushing in his veins rapidly.

    Now when he knew what Jinyoung feels for him, he had no brakes. All those wasted years trying to forget him, now seemed like a second, when Jinyoung was now kissing and touching him, feeling the warmth of his body and smelling his scent. He couldn't think of anything, all his feelings poured out of his heart and his mind was clouded with lust.

    Mark pushed Jinyoung against a wall beside the bedroom doors, leaving his lips and moving them onto his neck, sucking and licking the sensitive skin of the younger. Jinyoung's breath hitched, gasping for air shakily, feeling his wet tongue against his skin. Jinyoung's hands were in Mark's hair, pulling them slightly as he arched his hips against Mark's and rubbed his clothed groin against his desperately. Mark shivered with pleasure, feeling the blood rushing in his lower region at the younger's action as he moaned quietly. Jinyoung was making him crazy with anticipation and lust. He wanted him so bad. Mark grabbed his hips lifting him and pressing closer to the wall, shoving their hips together, while sucking his collarbones. Jinyoung automatically wrapped his legs around his waist and feeling the closeness of their groins, he shivered and throw his head back into the wall with pleasure. Mark felt hazy with arousal, when Jinyoung grabbed his cheeks and bring their lips together, sucking on his tongue sloppily. Mark, without thinking much, caught him securely by his butt cheeks and carried him into the bedroom, throwing him gently on the bed, breathing heavily.

    Mark felt Jinyoung's legs loosened around his waist when he hovered on top of him, biting his lips. Although he wanted to be in such a situation with Jinyoung for a very long time already, he never imagined that it would really happen. Knowing that Jinyoung loved him, gave him self-confidence. Mark, gazing at Jinyoung's flushed cheeks, disheveled hair and half opened eyes looking at him with desire, was breathless. Mark couldn't wait any longer, his arousal was making him crazy at this point. He leaned down and kissed Jinyoung's lips hard, shoving his tongue in a needy way into his mouth, making their teeth click quietly. Jinyoung's hands were roaming at his back, digging his nails in his shirt, trying to tear it apart. When their lips separated for a short second, Mark grabbed Jinyoung's shirt and pulled it off without bothering to unbutton it fully, before pulling his own shirt swiftly. Jinyoung wrapped his arms around Mark's neck stubbornly, bringing him down and locking their lips hastily. Mark shoved his hips down, rubbing his crotch against Jinyoung's clothed groin roughly, while teasing his nipples with his tongue making the younger breathe heavily.  
  
   Mark undid the zipper of Jinyoung's pants, staring at Jinyoung, searching for any confirmation as to whether this is what Jinyoung really wants. But seeing Jinyoung gazing at him with anticipation, made him pull his pants off, exposing his boxers with his hardened length poking out of them. Mark swallowed hard, feeling like his own pants were too tight for him already. Jinyoung was slightly embarrassed, when Mark stroked it through the boxers slowly, still looking at him. The younger bit the back of his hand to muffle his abrupt moan, what made Mark's stomach tighten nervously and his breathing quicken. He pulled his own pants off, throwing them somewhere on the floor, feeling Jinyoung's eyes on him. In a second he was already on the bed again, pulling Jinyoung's boxers down, breathing heavily. Jinyoung was naked and exposed in front of him, blushing, but his eyes were filled with hunger. Mark couldn't tear his eyes off him, he eyed the younger's body with lust taking over his mind. He grabbed his lenght and started to pump it slowly, making it more and more hard with every stroke. Jinyoung's back arched as he moaned softly, gulping and squezzing his eyes shut. Mark spread his legs exposing him completely and inserting himself between them, that their groins were touching. He leaned in kissing Jinyoung sensually, as his hand stroked his length again, while the other massaged his hip.

    "Hyung" Jinyiung broke the breathy silence, moaning between their kisses, moving his hips along with Mark's hand and the elder felt himself too aroused to continue the teasing. He suddenly felt the younger's hands on his back, digging his nails into his skin leaving a burning sensation. "Hyung, I..." Jinyoung whimpered with eyes half open. Mark looked at him slightly terrified, that Jinyoung wants to back off now "I've never…" he breathed out, slightly ashamed and Mark knew what he was referring to.  

    "Do you want to...?" Mark asked, leaving his erection and massaging his hips. The younger nodded at his question, reaching into a drawer by the bed, pulling lube and condoms out. Mark smiled, knowing that Jinyoung wants it just like him. "I'll be gentle, Jinyoung-ah" he bend down, kissing him senseless, sucking on his bottom lip before he pulled out and ghosted his finger around his entrance. Mark couldn't wait any longer. Seeing Jinyoung's erection, he couldn't either. 

    After licking his fingers, he inserted one finger into his entrance carefully, pulling it in and out, hearing Jinyoung hissing quietly by the movement. Mark repeated this a few times, still massaging his thigh reassuringly before he put another finger, stretching the entrance. Jinyoung's eyes squeezed shut from the uncomfortable feeling, and Mark felt sorry, because he couldn't do anything about it. When he inserted the third one, Jinyoung groaned painfully and grabbed the bedding under him, fisting it firmly. He bit his finger trying to control the pain, but in the corners of his eyes appeared drops of tears.

    "I'm sorry, Jinyoungie…" Mark breathed out, feeling bad about wanting him so bad, even though he is in pain and he knew he has to be patient.

    "Hyung... it's okay"

    After he prepared Jinyoung some more, he covered his erection in lube. With one last look into Jinyoung's eyes, he lifted his hips a bit and inserted his length into the younger's entrance with a careful and slow push, letting the younger use to the sensation. Jinyoung gasped, grabbing his arms and holding him in place. Mark's hands were shaky and his blood was buzzing in his ears as he tried to control his lust and wait for Jinyoung's sign to continue. He was aware of how painful it is. Mark hovered over him, brushing their lips together as he inserted his erection deeper into the younger, making him moan unexpectedly.

     "Hyung… please" Jinyoung breathed shoving his hips harder, burying Mark's length deeper into himself and Mark knew that it was the sign when he could lose himself. The elder grabbed his hips and started thrusting into him slowly and sensually, while Jinyoung hooked his legs around Mark's waist, whimpering and breathing heavily with pleasure washing over him. Mark quickened his rythm as he watched Jinyoung under him, his dazed expressions, biting his lips and arching his back. Mark was slamming his hips into Jinyoung's entrance, feeling almost breathless as the bliss was taking over his mind. He leaned down and kissed Jinyouong clumsily while still thrusting into him. Jinyoung's hands find his place on his back again, scratching the sensitive skin and making marks with his nails slightly. 

    When Mark felt that he won't last long, he quickened his thrusting while grabbing Jinyoung's erection pumping it in rhythm. Jinyoung was overwhelmed with emotions and pleasure; he couldn't control himself, and arched his head back into the pillow feeling the fire pooling low in his stomach. Mark slammed his hips into Jinyoung's entrance a few times, before he came, gasping harshly when he felt waves of electricity washing over his entire body, leaving him breathless. He continued to pump Jinyoung's length frantically, seeing the sweat forming on the younger's forehead. He came a moment later, breathing out a loud moan and shuddering, feeling the shock of the shattering pleasure. They both were still breathing heavily after a few moments, when Mark leaned in to kiss Jinyoung's sweated forehead affectionately, looking into his eyes with adoration.

   "I love you" he said, putting aside the wet strand of his hair from his forehead. Jinyoung smiled at him tiredly, placing his hand on his cheek gently.

   "I love you too, Hyung"  He said, before bringing their lips together.

 

 

    Mark woke up because of a strange feeling that someone was watching him. Before he opened his eyes, he felt the touch of a fingertip tracking down the outline of his nose to the lips. His eyes opened lazily and seeing Jinyoung's face so close to his, he smiled warmly.

    "Sorry, did I wake you?" Jinyoung whispered, and Mark felt his breath on his cheeks.

    "I don't mind" the elder answered quietly, grabbing his hand and squeezing it affectionately. Jinyoung looked clean and his hair was slightly wet, smelling of citrus fruit fragrance.

    "Are you hungry? I can do some-"

    "I want to sleep more" Mark wrapped his arms around Jinyoung waist abruptly, bringing him on top of him and nuzzling his nose into his neck. Jinyoung giggled and tried to escape his embrace rolling back on the right side, but Mark was stronger not letting it happen. Mark was beaming seeing Jinyoung smiling face. He still couldn't believe what had happened between them, he didn't believe it was really happening. He was so happy that he was able to fly, if he only wanted to get out of bed and release Jinyoung from his arms, which he didn't want. Now, when he caught him, he won't let him go.

    "Hyung, I'm serious... I was supposed to go to my mom today in the morning, and now it's already 2 pm" Jinyoung said, using the situation where Mark shoulders loosened slightly and escaping his arms, sitting on the edge of the bed. He was fixing his hair with his hand, with a pout on his face, and Mark couldn't stop staring at him.

    "Really? Oh… can I go with you?" Mark asked, sitting down on the bed, being only in a shirt and boxers. Jinyoung chuckled at his question.

    "Of course. She loves you more than me, anyway" he joked, getting a weak hit on the shoulder from Mark.

    "You're silly" He shook his head disapprovingly, chuckling. Mark knew that his mother liked him and treat him as her own son, but there's nothing more important than one real son. Mark suddenly felt the touch of Jinyoung's hand on his thigh, leaving the burning sensations on his skin. 

    "Hyung, go take a shower and I'll make something to eat" he said firmly with a fond smile on his face as he get out of bed. He was heading to the door, but his steps were slow, as if he hesitated and didn't want to leave this room and go back to bed, into Mark's arms. Mark watched as Jinyoung was moving away from him calmly, feeling his lips quirking. His dreams came true. His stomach tightened in nervousness, remembering what they've done.

    "Jinyoungie… how are you feeling?" Mark asked carefully, because he was sure that Jinyoung is in pain. Jinyoung looked at him surprised, but after a second his cheeks flushed a slight shade of pink. He chuckled nervously while scratching the back of his neck shyly.

    "It hurts, but I'll live" He answered with a shy smile "..and hyung, don't change the subject-" 

    "Should I give you a massage?" He asked teasingly, wriggling his eyebrows comically, seeing Jinyoung's flustered expression. He wanted to see more of it. Jinyoung's face was red and he gasped, covering his mouth with his hand, bewildered. 

    "Hyung! Go take a shower!" he whined and left the room suddenly, leaving Mark on the bed chuckling to himself. Mark couldn't describe how happy he was right now. All problems are gone, he felt safe, secure and _loved_.

 

    Eating a _very late_ breakfast they were sitting across from each other by the small wooden kitchen table. After showering, Jinyoung borrowed Mark a set of clothes, which were a red plaid shirt and dark denim pants. They both still felt a bit awkward with each other, but knowing that they share the same feeling for each other made them secure and happy. Mark hooked his legs around Jinyoung's leg under the table, what caused a charming smile from the other, making his eyes disappear. Mark loved him so much.

    "Hyung.. You know everything right? About me, when you weren't here..." Jinyoung asked quietly, taking a sip of a mineral water from the cup.

    "Yes. Your mom told me-"

    "Aish, so embarrassing" Jinyoung cried out, cutting Mark's sentence and ruffling his hair frustratingly. Mark giggled at his behavior and tighetned the hold of his legs under the table, drawing the attention of the younger to himself.  

    "No, it's not." Mark said firmly, looking at Jinyoung reassuringly, but Jinyoung was stubborn. 

    "It is! It all happened because of me, I wasted so many years..." The younger sighed, playing with his food with a fork. "What if you didn't come here? What if you were in a relationship?"

    "I was with Jackson when I came here, didn't I?" Mark tried to lighten up the atmosphere a little, which worked a bit, because the frustrated expression on Jinyoung's face was replaced by a cute pout. Mark held the urge to kiss his lips with a great difficulty. 

    "I was so shocked when you said that back then..." Jinyoung said sheepishly, before Mark smiled unknowingly. He reached his arm out toward him, grabbing his hand, which was laying on the table, squeezing it and caressing lovingly with a thumb. He looked into his eyes.

    "I'm sorry for lying… but… it doesn't matter anymore, right?" 

    "No, it doesn't… I'm happy now." Jinyoung said honestly, piercing his eyes into Mark's leaning in and pecking Mark's lips quickly. Mark giggled and his cheeks flushed. Jinyoung's expressiveness was always making him a shy and weak mess.  

    "Good, because I'm happy too" He said stealing a quick glance at Jinyoung's face, before looking at his already empty plate shyly. 

    Mark stood up from the table and placed his plate into the sink carefully, Jinyoung following him and doing the same. They stood side by side for a moment, when Jinyoung cleared his throat.

    "Hyung… have you been in a relationship with a guy before?" the younger asked hesitantly, ghosting his fingerprints on Mark's hand. Mark was surprised by his sudden question.

    "Why do you ask?" 

    "I just want to know, hyung" Jinyoung said, lowering his head in shame. Mark turned around to lean on the sink and see Jinyoung's face fully. He wasn't sure why is he asking about it, but he had no intention to lie to him. 

    "I was with Jackson for some time, when we were in university." He said casually, putting his hands in his pockets. Jinyoung's eyes widened in shock and disbelief. 

    "What? Really? Don't you live with him now?" He asked in a loud voice as his face flushed with a sudden inflow of nerves. Mark suddenly thought that maybe Jinyoung misunderstood something from all this, so he grabbed his hand gently and with a honest smile on his face tried to explain to him everything.

    "Yes, I live with him for now, but we're good friends and there's-"

    "Hyung, move in with me" Jinyoung said desperately, staring into Mark's eyes. The elder smiled. He wanted to live with Jinyoung and it was like a dream come true, that's why he was eager to agree to his proposition, but he wanted to tease the younger a bit more. He enjoyed Jinyoung's jealousy. He grabbed his cheeks with both hands, squeezing them so hard that his mouth looked like the mouth of a fish.

    "Are you jealous?" he asked, laughing at how funny Jinyoung's face looked, before the younger took them from his cheeks and hold them. 

    "It's... I mean, I live alone and-"

    "Okay, I will move in." Mark said with a really amused expression, watching as on Jinyoung's face the pleased smile grew suddenly. He nodded knowingly, before he gently grabbed Mark's cheeks, bringing his face close to the elder's face, looking at his lips shamelessly. Mark closed his eyes when Jinyoung's soft lips touched his, and were moving lazily against them. He tilted his head slightly to deepen the kiss, when Jinyoung's tongue massaged his sensually and slowly. Mark's hands were on his hips, gently caressing his sides. 

    Mark, despite the fact that for so many years he was trying to forget about Jinyoung and tried to hate him with all his might, now he has no regrets that he decided to come back here, to his old neighborhood. All these years filled with anger and longing, seemed like nothing to him now, when he was in the arms of the person he has always loved.

 

 

 

End.


	19. Sequel: After The Anger, Let's Still Love

    It was the beginning of summer, hot June's weather was felt. Mark finished his work a little earlier and waited for Jinyoung now, leaning against the bonnet of the car, looking at the clear blue sky. It was after 16 o'clock already and the sun wasn't so sharp, even though the weather was still hot and Mark had to roll up the sleeves of his shirt to feel a bit better. When he looked at the watch on his left wrist, he heard the loud sound of the school bell, which meant the end of the class. In the crowd of students and teachers leaving the school building, Mark stood slightly on his toes and leaning out, straining his eyes, trying to spot the one particular history teacher - _his boyfriend,_ Park Jinyoung.  
Mark hasn't often come for Jinyoung to school because his busy schedule at work doesn't allow it. But today was a special occasion. The 3rd anniversary of the death of Jinyoung's father. The younger asked Mark to accompany him at the cemetery. Mark obviously agreed, because he knew how important it was for Jinyoung. The younger was still mournful that he didn't say goodbye to his father and that he didn't manage to reconcile with him before his death, but now he felt a bit better because he had Mark to lean on. Although his mother convinced him more than once that his father had no resentment to him before he died, that he was just too stubborn to admit it and reach out to his son and apologize to him, Jinyoung still felt bad.

    Mark was still waiting impatiently for Jinyoung, when a group of girl students passed him, giggling and looking at him. Mark was surprised and suddenly embarrassed, looking from side to side to find out if they were really looking at him. After a second he noticed that the group ran to Jinyoung, talking and joking with him. Suddenly he felt Jinyoung's eyes on his, piercing them through longingly with a shy smile. Mark knew that they were certainly talking about him, judging by their not-so-subtle glances at him and their body language. Mark felt his cheeks redden at the realization.

    "Okay, go home now. See you on Monday. Don't forget to bring me your essays!" Jinyoung shouted, dismissing the group of students and approaching Mark with a fond smile. "Hello" he said as he grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently, brushing his thumb on it affectionately for a second, then letting go of his hand and got into the car. Mark felt disappointed that they can't even say hello to each other properly, like boyfriends should, but he understands that they were in a public place. Jinyoung was still embarrassed to show his feelings to him in such places, besides delicate touches or warm glances and smiles. Mark was aware that they shouldn't do anything intimate, especially in front of a high school, but it was still a bit disheartening. Mark sighed and followed Jinyoung quickly to the car.

    "Hello" Mark said, sitting in the driver's seat, watching as Jinyoung was busy fidgeting with a seat belt. Mark looked around to see if there's anyone around the car and before Jinyoung could finally fasten his seat belt, he grabbed him by his cheeks gently and as fast as he could he bring their lips together, stealing a short and moist kiss from Jinyoung.

    "Y... yah, hyung" Jinyoung breathed out, with flushed cheeks and hand covering his lips, looking around frantically at the surroundings if there were someone who could've see this. Mark chuckled shortly and caressed his cheek lovingly.

    "I'm sorry I haven't seen you for about 9 hours... how could I endure more?" The elder asked with a pout on his face and Jinyoung hit him playfully on the arm, grinning. They were together for a few weeks now and they were still in lovey-dovey stage. Jinyoung leaned a bit in the direction of Mark.

    "I missed you too" He whispered to his ear and Mark felt butterflies in his stomach hearing his voice and feeling his warm breath on his skin. He wanted to kiss Jinyoung breathless at this moment, but he knew he had to hold himself down. He cleared his throat, trying to calm himself.

    "We go?" He asked with a quiet voice, before Jinyoung nodded. 

  
    

   The cemetery was located on a high hill at the end of the city. In front of the entrance there was a small shop with flowers, where Jinyoung bought a small bouquet and candle. Mark had doubts whether Jinyoung really wants him to go with him to the grave of his father, however, Jinyoung insisted. The cemetery was quite empty, in the distance there were a few people at the graves of their loved ones, praying. All the way to the Mr Park's grave Jinyoung seemed to be a little nervous and in his shiny eyes sadness was evident. They walked side by side peacefully and weren't talking to each other at all, surrendering to the solemn and spiritual atmosphere of the place. Only chirping birds sitting on the surrounding the place trees were breaking the silence.

  "Father. Hello... It's been a while since I visited you, right?" Jinyoung began to speak, arranging flowers in a stone vase beside the grave of his father when they were already at their destination. Mark was standing quietly a few steps behind him with folded hands, trying not to disturb. "I'm sorry… I hope you would forgive me. You know we miss you. I miss you." Jinyoung said quietly as he stopped his movements and stood up. He shot shoot a quick glance at Mark and the elder noticed that his eyes were bright and tears began to gather in the corners of them. "Dad, I hope you're not mad at me anymore. Especially when I came with him to you today. You know Mark. You know how lovable he is, right?" Mark felt his guts tighten nervously. Jinyoung is talking about him so openly and even if they were practically alone in the place, Mark felt like they weren't alone. Jinyoung told him a while ago that when he was younger he told his parents that he was in love with Mark and that's why his father was mad at him. His mother was more accepting but at first she had a hard time to cope with the new situation. Now she's happy for his son finally being in a happy relationship. Mark's parents are still a bit reluctant about him being gay and in a relationship with a man, but when they found out that Mark's boyfriend is their perfect neighbor Park Jinyoung, they were shocked but visibly relieved. Jinyoung grabbed Mark's arm and pulled him a little closer to himself so that they were standing side by side next to each other. "I can't live without him. I need him." Jinyoung's voice was wavering and his breathing slightly quicken, just like he was trying to control the tears, which were threatening to fall from his eyes. He turned his eyes to Mark, looking at him warmly, but with a confidence what made Mark's heart beat faster. Everything Jinyoung said was so embarrassing and he suddenly felt shy, feeling like Jinyoung is talking about him to someone else. To his father. "And, Father, even if he's a man... I love him." After Jinyoung said the last line, Mark took his hand in his and intertwined their fingers, looking at the younger with indescribable love. He felt like he should say something too.

    "Hello, Mr Park." Mark approached the grave and bowed, while Jinyoung looked at him genuinely surprised as he was still fighting with his tears. "I won't apologize to you about what I feel for your son. Because Jinyoung is everything what made my life worth living. Your son is amazing and I love him. I've always loved him. I hope you can give us your blessing in heaven." Mark said and his warm voice melted Jinyoung's heart to the point that the first tears fell from his eyes. Mark crouched down and lit a candle at the grave of his boyfriend's father. When he stood up, Jinyoung's arms suddenly wrapped around his neck tightly, startling him a bit. The younger was sniffing furiously and was choking on his tears slightly, breathing against Mark's cheek. The elder smiled sadly, caressing his back with open palms, trying to soothe him, but at the same time he was waiting patiently for him to calm down. Mark couldn't fully understand how Jinyoung is feeling right now, but he knew how much he wanted a blessing from his father. And even if Jinyoung's mom told him that his father wasn't mad at him when he died, still not seeing it with his own eyes made Jinyoung doubtful. 

    They prayed at the grave and when they were coming down from the hill Jinyoung grabbed Mark's hand. The elder looked at him bewildered, because Jinyoung never wanted to hold hands in public places and now when he felt his fingers intertwined with his, he felt butterflies in his stomach dancing crazily. 

    "Thank you." Jinyoung said suddenly when they were slowly walking to the car. Mark turned his face to him, feeling a bit nervous. Mark was a weak mess already from the amount of compliments hearing from Jinyoung today. He was melting because of him.

    "For what?"

    "For everything... for being with me." The younger answered shyly, stopping his pace. "I really love you." He said suddenly, looking at Mark with a sincere adoration, what made the elder breathless.

    "I love you too, Jinyoungie." He smiled as he tightened his grip on jinyoung's hand.

 

 

 

    On the way back from the cemetery, they decided to drop by at the Jaebum's bar. They're visiting the bar only once or twice a week, because they can't find the time to do it more frequently. Jinyoung and Mark wanted to spend time with each other as much as they could. Jinyoung also stopped to help Jaebum and the others in the bar because he had a reason to come home on time now. The reason was Mark.

    "I love seeing you two together, my babies!" Jaebum shouted, when he saw Mark and Jinyoung occupying chairs at the bar. The bar was pretty crowded today, it was a Friday afternoon, the time when people come here to relieve tension from the whole week and meet with their friends. 

    "Oppa, can you move? I carry heavy boxes and you're not helping!" Hyomin was a new employer in the bar and she worked here for about two weeks now. She's a beautiful slim girl with a long red and wavy hair. She wears heavy makeup and her hands are covered in colorful tattoos. The girl seems very unapproachable and cold, but on closer acquaintance her nice and friendly nature comes to light. Jaebum is a little grateful to Jinyoung that he stopped helping him, which made him look for a worker on a permanent basis. He's also grateful to Yugyeom that he recommended his best girl friend from university, because Jaebum fell in love with her at first sight. Hyomin seems uninterested in him and wooing toward her, but Jaebum is a stubborn man, who don't give up easily.

    "Of course! Give me that, I'll do it!" Jaebum gasped, immediately taking the box from her hands, carrying them to the back of the bar. The girl's cheeks reddened suddenly, then she turned to Mark and Jinyoung, smiling pleasantly, wiping her hands on a towel.

    "Hello, Mark-sshi, Jinyoung-sshi. What can i get you?"

    "Two orange sodas, please" - Jinyoung answered, before Mark noticed Youngjae approaching towards them, pushing through the crowd, holding up a tray of empty glasses and beer bottles.

    "Hello, hyungs! You two look great today!" Youngjae squeezed between Mark and Jinyoung, smiling broadly and putting the tray on the bar counter. They smiled at him too, and Mark ruffled his hair playfully. He wasn't a kid, but Mark will always treat him as his younger brother, he was just too adorable. "Hyung~!" Youngjae pouted at Mark's gesture and tried to fix his hair a bit. "Ah, Jinyoung hyung, thanks for helping me with my history class. I passed!"

    "Of course that you passed! I prepared you perfectly!" Jinyoung said with feigned arrogance, giggling. Mark laughed along with him, while Youngjae disappeared again into the crowd of people, doing his duties at work.

    "Where's Yugyeom?" Mark suddenly asked Jaebum with a slightly louder voice because the music in the place was now more aggressive and noisy. He hadn't seen Yugyeom in a while.

    "He has a date today and wanted a day off, that punk." Mark smiled unknowingly hearing this. He was glad that Yugyeom managed to move on and forget about Mark. He hoped for it to be like that at least. He still wanted to be Yugyeom's friend and forget about his confession he made to him a few weeks ago. "Jackson is still on vacation?" Jaebum asked while polishing the glasses with a white towel and putting them down under the bar. Jackson went with Kunpimook to Europe for a month's holiday and they still hadn't returned. Jackson was always busy and couldn't afford such a long holiday due to work, but now when his father's company is evolving and looking for new markets, Jackson decided to combine business with pleasure. 

    "Yeah. They must have a great time. He didn't call me even once since he left. Is he even my friend?" Mark complained jokingly, getting a light hit on the shoulder from Jinyoung. 

    "Why should he call you? He is busy and he's taken, and... and you have me" Jinyoung muttered, trying to keep his jealousy under control. Jinyoung and Jackson are good friends, but knowing that he was once a boyfriend of Mark was still drilling a hole in his stomach. Mark chuckled at Jinyoung's behavior, making funny faces at him playfully. He got a hit on the shoulder again because of it from the younger. Jaebum laughed out loud.

    "Whoa! I have goosebumps! Jinyoung, I didn't know you're the jealous and clingy type!" Jaebum gasped in disbelief, giggling. Jinyoung seemed to be abashed at his best friend's remark.

    "Y... yah! I'm not!" Jinyoung tried to defend himself abruptly, but to no avail, because his cheeks seemed to show his true emotions. Mark, seeing his flushed cheeks and widened eyes, felt warmth spread in his chest. Jinyoung was so cute. He liked to see that Jinyoung is jealous of everyone being close to Mark. It felt good.

 

 

  
    On the evening of the same day, when they returned from the bar, Mark and Jinyoung decided to watch a movie to relax; this time it was The Avengers. The living room was dark and the only light radiating from the TV screen lit up their faces. They were sitting on the couch, snuggling in each other's body, Jinyoung with his head on Mark's shoulder and the elder's head on top of his. Jinyoung was reaching his hand for the popcorn into a bowl, which was on Mark's lap when Mark suddenly remembered the strange situation that happened earlier that day.

    "What were you talking about today with your students while I waited for you?" Mark asked suddenly, munching on a popcorn. Jinyoung seemed unamused with the question, but he answered anyway. 

    "They asked if you wait for me again. They saw you last time too… They asked if you're my boyfriend..." Jinyoung's voice was calm, but he didn't look at Mark even once. The elder felt nervous and a bit guilty. He shouldn't wait for him, what if someone found out about their relationship?

    "And what did you say?" Mark asked, bewildered, putting a bowl of popcorn in front of him on the table. Jinyoung sat straight on the couch and shrugged his shoulders. The movie was long forgotten from now on.

    "I said that you're not my boyfriend... that you're my best friend and then I dismissed them..." Jinyoung's voice was uncertain and silent, barely piercing through the sounds of the movie. He looked at Mark with eyes full of guilt. "...Are you mad at me?" The elder turned to him abruptly, slightly surprised at Jinyoung's question. He touched his knee, caressing it reassuringly.

    "Of course not! It's just unfair. I know… It's obvious that we have to hide… if school knew about us you would probably be kicked out and I know how much you wanted to be a teacher in our school, so you can't risk it." Mark explained, because he really understood their situation. It couldn't stop him from being with Jinyoung, though. "I wonder what our life would look like if we didn't argue back then. If I didn't leave. Maybe we would teach in the same school?" He suddenly changed the subject to lighten up the situation, but seeing Jinyoung saddened face, he mentally cursed at his inability to submitting sentences. It shouldn't sound like that!  
      
    "I'm sorry, hyung" The younger said, lowering his head guiltily, playing with his fingers nervously. Mark grabbed his hands, trying to draw the younger attention. 

    "Stop apologizing for it! We're okay now, aren't we? We ended up together and that's all what matters." He said sincerely, looking intensely into his eyes. Jinyoung smiled and leaned into Mark's face, brushing his lips against Mark's gently for a few seconds. Jinyoung's hot breath on Mark's skin sends shivers down his spine. Mark wanted to prolong the kiss and leaned in more, but Jinyoung pulled back.

    "Hyung."

    "Um?"

    "I want to be with you for a long time, you know?" The younger whispered, making Mark grin widely.

    "You're really cheesy! Who would've thought!" He tried to turn it into a joke, but on the inside he was melting. Jinyoung's cheesiness was always unexpected and Mark was embarrassed every time he heard him saying those things. Jinyoung seemed taken aback for a moment.

    "Hyung, I'm serious." 

    "I know. But I want to be with you forever" Mark giggled, still feeling butterflies in his stomach. Jinyoung looked at him with a warm expression on his face, bright eyes and fondly smile. 

    "Really?"

    "Of course..." Mark reached out to touch Jinyoung's cheek and caressed it lovingly, looking into his eyes. Jinyoung seemed to be nervous, because his cheeks suddenly covered in pink blush.   

    "Hyung… I… would like to marry you." The younger blurted out, pulling out a small red box from his pocket clumsily. Mark's eyes widened and his breath hitched. His joy was indescribable. Jinyoung opened the box, and to his eyes appeared two silver rings. In other circumstances, in another country, it could be possible for them to get married, but here it was still illegal. He tilted his head and looked at Jinyoung with a sheepish smile.

    "Jinyoung, but we can't-"

    "I know. But… we can wear these for now... If you would like to-"

    "I want to. Let's wear them." Mark pulled out a single ring out of the box, taking Jinyoung's hand gently and putting a silver ring on his ring finger. It somehow made him nervous. His hands were shaking as if he was really getting married. Marriage with a person he loved more than life itself. Jinyoung did the same, he took Mark's hand and also put the ring on his finger, before their fingers intertwined with each other. Mark was overwhelmed with feelings knowing that Jinyoung loves him so much that he wants to spend with him the rest of his life. He knew that it wasn't anything official, but the ring on his finger will remind him of Jinyoung at every moment of his day. He felt that Jinyoung is really his. The movie was already over and the subtitles at the end of the movie were shown on the screen, with a calm, instrumental music in the background. They pressed their foreheads together, still looking at their intertwined fingers with a silver rings and their faces couldn't stop smiling.

    "I love you, Mark." The younger said, when he lifted his head a bit, looking into his eyes. Mark felt his stomach tighten when their lips were just barely touching and breathing each other’s air, while their noses were touching, gently tickling their skin.

    "I love you too, Jinyoung." Mark whispered and leaned in, brushing his lips over Jinyoung's tenderly, forgetting about the world around him. The one he cared about the most was now in his arms, kissing him and loving him back. Park Jinyoung. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this story even though it has to be awkward for some of you, because it's my first story and English is not my first language... Sorry!  
> And thank you for reading!


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